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2004-10-17 - 7:53 a.m. one of my puzzlets so here I sit, freshly awakened just before dawn's early light, still feeling a slight bloat from the half a cheap chocolate cream pie I ate for dinner yesterday (not to mention the frozen process foods I ate for breakfast yesterday morning - eight enhanced White Castle cheeseburgers burgers with Oreida fries and onion rings {the ones made from whole onions} and two large chocolate shakes), with one foot heading for the door to catch the gym when it opens and finally get back to doing something productive about the bloat (and overall health) and the other foot curled under me (figuratively, not literally) as I kick back in the big green chair and savor the quiet privacy that might last but another moment in this space... and I am torn between delving into the mind I inhabit (and exploring the lonely wastelands and barren motivational gardens and broken tools and negatory stuff that weighs me down and frustrates the beautiful morning that this one could be in a matter of moments in the hope that I can make some repairs and find the outlook brighter than I've just described it cuz, after all, I am just reborn and not attached to any of the emotions or circumstances or observations I've just described (or judgments of good or bad) - except that they appear to be old habits, like a book read each day that proports or propheses to know truth and yet does not actually relate to the physical spaces and moments of real life when touches and all senses become active and involved (if you know what I mean) and leaving this peaceful private solitude for a fine physical challenge at the gym, knowing I will most likely feel ravaged and wonderful afterward (as long as I survive and don't break, tear, or otherwise damage anything)... why is this (and who can tell me precisely what this is, oh sleephead babbling addicts we are), we might want to know (and who are we, anywho)... because I sense that when I return I will no longer have the peaceful quiet privacy I am savoring at this moment and I will find the usual blaring TV and attention-seeking couch potatoes here and then the catharsis I might come to if I did stay now to explore the depths of freshly woken me will dissolve in the distractions of superficiality and questions devoid of sensuality or sensitivity to the creativity that could be...
NOTE: the links do not all work yet as this is a work in progress... I shall let you know when it is ready for clicking... and there went fifty minutes as if it was a moment and the sun has crossed the threshold of the horizon to light the day and I noticed it not, not a moment of consciousness of time passing or light changing... just the focus on memory and pulling some of the soundtrack of this life out of the mothballs or dungeons or whatever depths of storage I may analogously relate to you today... this would be an entry in progress destined for parts yet unknown or at least undefined, perhaps another diary, journal or website, perhaps another letter, perhaps at least in part, somewhere else... I shall continue as the muses allow...
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