LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


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welcome blogmadians... and the rest of you, while still in beta, you can still join the latest greatest party on the web, blogmad!

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2004-06-28 - 3:59 p.m.

the entry pushes through...


what in the world is going on out there?... I mean out in DLand, right here out there... I mean, first the servers go nuts and won't let people upload (I know I'm not the only one, I've been looking around, but I haven't acknowledged that cuz then all my grand paranoid conspiracy theories might wash away and what good is life or a public diary without some conspiracy theories?) and now I'm noticing there is almost nobody visiting me here... at least the counter isn't recording much in the way of visits lately... so you all must be away... or I must be feeling lonely and sorry for myself... that would be a much better assumption than thinking I've bored all of you to death, because I really do not want any of you to die... I don't want to be that boring either...

I know I write in my own head for my audience of one (that one being anybody who might be me, the one, or a true friend... but then, that might be three... or more, if I am lucky... after all I see myself as me, myself, and I most of the time, not just as myself... but I may be digressing so nevermind), but I do hope to be worth your time too... I love the attention you provide... I love the idea that we might be friends... that you might care... I care, so I feel lonely and rejected when I am left alone too long... ironically, offline I am not usually pathetically vulnerable, but I am always vulnerable... cuz I want to share so much... I am a prisoner of my desires... or a victim... and then again, I am blessed by my desires when they are fulfilled... when sharing happens... so it's worth the risk and the lonely times between the sharing for a moment of sharing is better than a lifetime of loneliness...

and yet I am the most secure and independent person I've ever met...

and then there are those weird and errie moments of syncronicity that would blow my mind if I actually had one...

I refer to the absolutely amazingly timed note from this dear wonderful precious person who seemed to read my mind yesterday and read this entry (at least the last two paragraphs) before I updated it, in fact, before I even finished writing the rest of this entry... yes, you are wonderful, my dear (and I just created a xanga site just to be able to leave a comment to say thanks... xanga is interesting and now that I have an account there, one of these days I may just find time to check it out)... so are the rest of you who leave notes and any other form of communication (even if you did not read my mind this time)... and following this ever so precious inspiration that shoves this beginning into higher gear, comes the entry... and the believe that there will be another of equal or greater amazement that I am still here and you are still there and the world still worlds around...

ultimately, I love it all... the joys, the pains, the bitter, the sweet, the rocking roller coaster of life as an emotional being in this crazy mixed-up world inhabited by the humans... and this DLand world is even crazier and more mixed up than the other world, you know, the one out there offline... the way I see it, offline there are all sorts of clues as to who we are dealing with... age, gender, location are meaningless stats (and still so many judge instatly based on them)... religion, politics, social status, economic prowess, physical strength, health, body size or shape, race, ethnicity, culture, all the standards by which most people judge each other in the flesh offline, so often at first sight, are gone here... here in words, we're all so equal...

well, potentially, at least...

maybe that is why I stay away from getting deeper into sharing in personal emails (or on the phone) even more than the excuse of the ages, the scars and fears that have piled up due to betrayals and all that stuff I've dug up in recent entries and here and there... the past is the past and as real as ever and definitely leaves me vulnerable and wasted more often than I'd like... it feeds doubts I never thought I'd ever take seriously... and yet I realize that there is a part of me ready, willing, and able to fly again, to fall again, to breath the sweet fresh air of love again... and so I dream and I mourne and yet in the physical world I await the one with whom the tears will mean something more than even catharsis, the one with whom the tears will bring rainbows of bonding and peace and laughter and wonder and rebirth and here in the written world I am the moment of the words... the meaning of the words... the freedom of the words... the equal to all who dare to write from the center of their heart and soul...

and then we might get closer, risking becoming real, risking undoing the magic of literary connections, risking the differences... you may be a lot older, a lot younger, a lot blacker, a lot whiter, a lot fatter, a lot thinner, a lot healthier, a lot less healthy... what if we fell in love with each other in words and we turned out completely incompatible in person, would we want to know that and risk losing the magical inspirations we find in each other's words?... or could we overcome the prejudices of our society?... could the stereotypes be someone else's problem and not ours?... can we keep the gifts we find in each other as we read while facing the rejection of the fantasies we might have had bubbling up just under the surface, the dreams we might have found a true friend or someone even closer, if that is really possible?... or does the illusion of our bonding words dissolve or fade away when we share the facts of life in the physical world?...

sadly, so often the illusion fades...

so let us take care when we reach out, when we email, when we call... let us put expectations aside and welcome each other with open arms as much as we can... let us realize that minds know the freedom that bodies in space do not... let us actualize the timeless bond that similar ideas and feelings forge and not let superficial material or physical differences come between the understandings and caring that can be... let us not isolate ourselves from kinship, separate ourselves from kindred spirits, burn bridges that can bring comfort and acceptance and the wonder of honest love just because the world taught us rules that divide... oh, if we'd only just all believe in each other...

whatever your religion, your politics, your social class, your bank account, your gender, your age, your sexuality, your ethnicity, your cultural background, your body shape, your hair color, your whatevers... it is the dreams that matter... the fears and secrets and desires that form the most meaningful and lasting bridges... it is the heart that defines us... the passions and favorites and magic that attracts us without need for reason or the world's approval... it is the mind that connects... the thoughts and feelings and perspectives that bring a sense of understanding and belonging... it is the soul that is true and brings us together beyond this moment, this life, this world, this space, this time... the spirit and passion and hope that only faith can express and nothing can explain... can you feel it...

if you understand, then nothing else matters...

but still with each attempt at bonding in the real world, with each step beyond these words into sharing the flesh and blood world, we roll the dice that we can overcome cultural indoctrination and transcend the momentary rules and morees of this life... and if we buy into can't, then we risk losing the magic we believed in, the dreams we dared, the passions we felt in reading, the hope for connections and wish for trust, for love, for sharing caring with a true friend...

so even when the server is not welcoming, even when the notes are slow in coming, even when the doubts and fears rise up from my stupid past mistakes and poor luck and worse judgments, I do my best to believe in love and the freedom and equality we have here in words... and not to believe in can't...

how about you? (bless you for being here)






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
RSS?



who links here
blogwise
Blogarama
Globe of Blogs
blogthings

~ BLOGLINKERS ~




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blogadvance
blogazoo
blogexplosion
blogmad?
bloglines



(PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS)
TSUNAMI INFO
fantasy sports?
BLOGGIES?
sorry everybody
Orange Blossom Music Festival

Deland Music Festival
MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays
FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
talking dog






SAY HELLO
407-325-1482





and if you want to leave
take good care
hope you make a lot
of true friends out there