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PO BOX 780398
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send me some music
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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-11-28 - 3:48 p.m.

between a rock and myspace (period)


I'm not sure if this entry is done cuz I have this note on it that says and I'm not sure just what I was referring to when I wrote the note... you do realize you are in the midst of a catch up session, right?... it would have gone a lot smoother except the computer froze and had to reboot and that took twenty minutes which sucks because I am way past my bedtime and my head is threatening to explode (no pain, just a demand for sleep)... I'll see about uploading another entry or few out of the pile still awaiting your eyes... even if they don't make any sense... or go mostly unnoticed... remember we began somewhere around this entry (before, during, or immediately after depending on yourn perspective so check them all out if you really must know... I love people who really must know, by the way)... check it out... and now, today's entry, whenever today might have been...

hey everybody, meet Petra Luna...

Petra is just an average Diarylander, one of us, except that she's a rock... I moon rock, actually... Petra is related to moon rock #70017, in fact, we might consider Petra a child of MR70017, though created in a laboratory with hammer and chisel... nature probably doesn't mind too much, except for the fact that few rocks here on Earth, or on the Moon or from anywhere for that matter, have actually come out and declared consciousness...
at least not in our recent recorded history...

I did hear a tale of the stones trying to put a musical group together some time before the Mesapotanian times, but they were having trouble playing instruments, I mean, since they had no hands and couldn't blow air through anything, and acapella was just not that popular back then...

unfortunately, when accapella did become a more popular style in the middle ages, there was a great prejudice against inanimate objects expressing any form of consciousness, no less getting together and singing, so they all wisely kept very still and quiet...

people who admitted listening to rocks were often stoned...

then there was that story about the guy who listened to them sing back during the Roman Empire days, but he got too busy trying to answer questions about things he did that nobody else could do and ultimately they killed him for being too different, so the rocks and stones singing groups that were forming decided that it was not a good time then either...

people, throughout history, just do not seem to take well to singing rocks...

anyway, I hope Petra is not going to run into too much prejudice or angry people (we are supposed to be much more enlightened now than at previous times in history, I mean, we have musical groups naming themselves after rocks and stones and even a whole musical genre called rock and roll, after all)...

I hope everyone is as fascinated and amused by Petra Luna as I am...

speaking of being fascinated and amused, I really like her brain... besides the fact that the diary is named after flower petals that represent, at least to me, the most important thing there is, the unconditional love and trust two people can share if they dare believe in each other... and how dreams can become reality if we dare to believe enough in them and just do them... and, well, I've always made a whole lot more out of those particular flower petals than anyone else I've ever met, but I still believe there are a few people in this world who understand what I mean...

anyway, besides that fact, there's wonder and excitement and deep thought and realness going on in Zuzu's Petals...

thinking about realness now... and about being excited about meeting other people and sharing with people and the potential for friendships and falling in love and really living the fairy tale dream come true (what, don't tell me you've given up on it... of course I tease, but on the other hand, what else is there to live for?)... realness is one of my favorite things about favorite diaries and writings in general... even in science fiction and fantasy, genres I probably call my favorite, realness is what I look for... and in life, it's realness in people that attracts me most because it feels best to me... and in love, it's the realness I call innocence that allows unconditional trust and the realness of sensuality that inspires unconditional lust and when those are combined, I find myself staring (though I've mostly learned not to drool) and the hopelessly hopeful romantic lives again...

obviously the time of year is influencing my thought process... starting on November 15th I am flooded with memories and emotions because more of my most important personal memories come from this time of year than any other time of year... and more of the people who helped me make them were born during the next three months than at any other time of year... actually, the most intense period of the most intense memories and birthdates combination occurs between November 15th and December 16th... the most profound month of all on my personal inner calendar... and there's probably no coincidence that the most profound date of all is right in the middle, December 1st...

of course it's all about love, the kind of love that dreams are made of, the kind that never ends and is not really real for most people in this world... true love, the stuff of grand stories and fairy tales...

it's easy to laugh off with a sigh of if only when we ground ourselves in the modern world, the real world, the daily grind of civilization and the unspoken repression of feelings that is all too acceptible for my tastes... and though there is some validity in accepting that when in Rome, do as the Romans philosophy, all I can say to that is this is one hell of a Rome to be stuck in...

all that from moon rocks and deep thoughts?... well, not exactly, but there was some thread running through those diaries and the forces of my personal calendar and the ethers and superstrings of our universe... and I must thank the true heart of gold found in nicim for the recent ressurgence of the concept of superstrings in my writings (notably in my sleepwriting)... what I've always called the energy of the eternal infinity that some may call god or God may very well be superstrings in scientific theory...

if you understand the universe
you know you are part of everything
so you are never alone
and you have nothing to hide

if you can feel that security
you know the peace of chaos
holds an order ever random
even when it is denied

bless yourself by letting everything inside
(it's already there anyway)
we're all a part of everything
each other, even things that have died

bless yourself by feeling everything inside
(just open your heart and mind)
you are a part of everything
even everything that is denied

and then, not to allow myself to be mistaken for one who might score high on a purity test, there is the wonderful combination of great music and perversion at Justin's place and really, what more can we ask from our pop-icons?...

ok, shifting gears again, am I being cynical when I wonder why an actress who does not blog or write online has a myspace site... yes, i've been exploring myspace a bit more recently and it's a curious place... it's definitely not purely a blog site, in fact, I'd say it's more a bulliten board for people to post a profile of themselves using music and pictures and maybe a few words... so maybe it's because she insists she is "the real anne hathaway!!" (IMDb) and "hates posers!!!" (yes, her exclamation points) and yet she has more than a few role players (not posers, right?) as friends..

one of those being the real alexa nickolas (IMDb)... I guess the irony is that myspace has a growing community of posers, err, role players, that is, people who put a profile on myspace as an actor/actress or singer or other famous person and play the role, sometimes blogging, sometimes writing fan fiction, sometimes declaring themselves the real somebody or other when they are no such thing...

on the other hand, those two very well might be the real whoever they are (and am I showing my lack of pop icon knowledge by not knowing who they are?... Disney kids?)... anyway, seems to me anyone in show business would have management that creates an official website for a talent and even if myspace and other community sites were used to plug the career, the official site would be prominent in the linkage (since that is so much what communities are about - links and self-promotion)...

so maybe I am suddenly being old when I admit I had to look up just who these two people were... only half kidding, I've heard their names but drew a blank on placing them in any roles, hence the IMDb links... is it time to look sheepish now?... ok, I'm ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille...

and let's not leave out the Disney kids (AJ and Aly), though I wish somebody would teach them (and so many others) at myspace about making a website that fits on a monitor screen... they all must be mostrously rich and have fifty inch monitors I guess... or maybe people see myspace as a depository for all the graphics they can find about what turns them on... either that or they don't actually look at their own sites, but just let their freak flags fly out in cyberspace with them...

ultimately though I think myspace is a great idea... I base that decision on the explanation that the guy who started myspace gives about why he started myspace (which may be redundant, but it amuses me)... Tom is really into music and started myspace to give musicians a community and a place to have a web page that allows music and photos and a diary and it's turned into an internet profile space for just about anyone...

it's exciting to me how more and more community based sites are putting down roots on the internet, especially since I am still alone in this world and would love to fall in love again (or at least be less alone) and finding the right person becomes more likely (I think) with a bigger pool of contacts to choose from...

or maybe, in the end, it creates more lonely people by increasing indecision...

philosophers, start pondering... and maybe in a few millenia we'll have some profound theories about human nature and interactions that will combine philosophy spirituality spychology and the science of computers and those living then will wonder how the backwards people like us could ever survive...

maybe, after some sort of cataclysmic disaster, the artifacts of our diaries will become a new bible for a new millenia... and wouldn't it be wild if that's how the current bible actually got put together...

I know, I blaspheme...

please don't stone me...

well, at least not yet, because I haven't told you about mistletoe... oh, you think you know all about mistletoe?... well, listen to this... it is definitely a great holiday gift idea, but now who really has the guts to wear the mistletoe belt buckle?... or any mistletoe product, for that matter... then again, maybe you don't want to be kissed there...

of course you wouldn't want one if you are a Scorpio...

before I close with some news (yes news, the news of the world occasionally seeps into my brain and I have to get it out somehow, so I dump it here), I want you all to know that I went and took two new surveys in my browsing for this week...

and now, the news...

On Sept. 22, according to Mr. White, his 8-year-old daughter, Katie, who is in the third grade, was wrongly accused of taking $5. Ms. Whitby took Katie from classroom to classroom, calling her a liar and a thief.

Mr. White learned what happened when his other daughter -- a 5-year-old kindergartner -- came home and told him. It turned out, though, that the girl who accused Katie later recanted.

and we trust people to take care of our 8 year old girls... one newly elected school board member is offering to help fund a lawsuit against the school district or superintendent of schools... the Principle, who makes $89,000 a year, was suspended for three days as part of a deal made with the family... the Principal did not live up to the other part of the deal, which was to publically apologize in front of the entire school and school board... the superintendent took no action about this disregard of the deal... some are asking why this is being brought up again now when it happened in September and the Principle has ultimately resigned under pressure...

I think that the benefit of publicizing this now and again is so other ignorant school administrator's might learn from this idiot's mistake. We stopped stoning people in the street a while back, at least with actual stones. Hopefully those we entrust our children to will learn from this incident that a psychological stoning is just as wrong.

wow, a period... we can't let an entry end on that note, so here's another note.... the following is from one of those entries that stick with me and stir around inside of me and want attention even as I try to look away...

it seems to me that the intellectualization and aestheticizing of principles and values in this country is one of the things that's gutted our generation. living, loosely, largely, lunging at anything and everything. trying to get a grip. on it. I take antidepressants, and since it's true and real and here and now I shouldn't try to deny it. but it seems that, since I have been wavering on and off lately, and flickering in and out, that the only difference between being medicated and sober and being okay and being depressed is my degree of apathy. when I am medicated I am apathetic (and, perhaps, empathetic) to a degree that I could never achieve in a sober state. for example, I want a life brimming and bursting with bright color and infinite intricate details.

I want something that is impossible, because human beings are inherently selfish, naturally selected -- it is the drive of self interest that keeps us alive, keeps us feeding ourselves and entertaining ourselves and swirling in a solipsistic self-referential wonderland, catapulted products of the survival of the fittest, forever competing, forever replicating our genes. and you can't see.

~ mcearstix

I love mcearstix

and I love you J






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