ok, I finally made time to add another entry to browsing but that barely made a dent in the links added to this laptop just this week... but at least I did make a small dent in the pile... and I downloaded most of my DLand stuff to Rasputin's computer (cuz that's the one hooked up to the DSL connection) and now I just have to figure out how to get it off that hard drive (all that computer has for removable storage is a floppy disk so I guess I'll have to split up the folder my stuff is in, but at least it's safer than out here on the web on servers I have no access to without an internet connection)... so what else is new?...

it has been so long since I have slept, I dont remember... let's see if food might not jump start my brain... tic... tic... tic... ah, that's better... I actually started this entry about five hours ago and then Rasputin got home and in these five hours the TV had most of our attention... wonderful way to spend a day off, huh?... well, I didn't sleep much this weekend and that extended into today and the only way I can explain it is that the mind needed the mental aerobics more than the body needed physical aerobics... it has been at least few weeks since I extended the sleepless period beyond two days... and while this may be logic beyond known physical science, but it is the way I have lived this life so far and by all standards it seems to have worked well for me...

it is just less fun every year to do it alone...

but alone we must, as that is the nature of things and the sharing is mere illusion and no matter how much I miss the illusion and no matter how much I create the illusion of sorrow and even depression because my desire to share goes unfulfilled for more time than is fun, it is all still illusion... so I can just as easily create the illusion of happiness and satisfaction when the hunger and longing to share goes too long unfulfilled... and so it goes...

ah, now we are making sense...

I wonder if other intelligent species in the universe have sarcasm... heck, I wonder if other animals do... is it sarcasm when a cat raises her butt and flicks her tail at you?... no, that's probably just instinct... cat natural instinct is to raise their butt as if to say, "here, sniff this"... it may be an act of love as easily as that of sarcasm... is it sarcasm when a parrot repeats exactly the most ironic thing you've said?... no, that's probably just instinct too... it is more likely that the subtle energy of vocal emphasis is sensed by the bird and repeated for whatever reason the bird might have, if any... it is as easily an act of love, or attention seeking, as it is an act of sarcasm... and so I am left to wonder, is sarcasm what separates humans from other life forms?...

ah, now I remember... this is what happens when I don't do much physically and stay awake for days and days... I think too much...

was that sarcasm?...

ahem... perhaps the singularity that is human consciousness, collective and individual, is the ability to create, or perhaps even more the dependency on, mental illusion... the ability to and dependency on fooling one's self... it would seem logical that other sentient species would have the ability, even more ability than humans, to create and focus mental energy and therein form even more visceral illusions, perhaps even projecting these illusion into the physical space, manipulating matter, and inserting thoughts and whole illusions into less focused minds... perhaps that is what a being we'd call a god does, or can do...

this is not sarcasm...

looking at human behavior and history, it appears that the predominant collective illusions chosen by humanity is guilt, shifting responsibility, shame, and a rather irrational dependency on illusions that can not easily be brought into their physical world (if any can at all) and illusions that are self-defeating and self destructive... go ahead, digest that sentence...

really... the egocentric perspective, the belief in miracles, the conceptualization of an original sin, the complacency of conscience, and the thoughts and actions that place power and responsibility outside of self and literally in thin air are all traditional human choices that detach perception from the physical world and limit physical and mental ability... I believe it is fine for those who truly wish to remain unaware and therein restricted in their thinking, for that is freedom of choice - to limit consciousness and perception... but I believe it is not ok to condemn those who choose to reach for higher energy levels, less limited perceptions, and more extensive consciousness... limiting the possibilities for self is an individual's choice, limiting the possibilities for others, for a whole species, is not...

but then, freedom is my personal illusion and it may be unfair of me to impose that on others... the word is bandied about by many in many ways... from the physical fight for freedom that permits giving and taking of life that most human cultures experience sooner or later in their developmental histories to the concept of free will in spiritual texts, freedom is an illusion that eventually permeates most other illusions... the difference is a matter of degrees, how free is freedom...

further supporting this thought, if nothing is perfect and everything is relative, then the illusion of freedom is variable and therein, a choice... the collective choice of a species is the degree of anything, including freedom, that defines the concept... and the collective choice for human freedom is quite limited, therein limiting the perception and consciousness and therein limiting the grown and understanding of the species...

intellectual development, individual and in fact all species development is restricted, in many cases prevented, by accepting fears and substituting intangible solutions and ethereal illusions for visceral perception and actual physical world experience... it is a crime against humanity, but it appears that collective awareness is not ready to face this just yet...

and that may be an illusion I am buying into, that humans are not ready, and buying into it feeds the illusion and makes it more real... my choice?... and yet, when I stop buying into it and treat people as if they were truly ready, willing, and able to reach for a more extensive enlightenment, I am usually met with serious, even violent opposition... different perspectives, lifestyles, ideas, people have always met with the possibility of death if the difference deviates too far from the collective norms...

so it is with great care that I propose to you that you are all ready to let go of the age old fears and irresponsible transference of power and consciousness away from yourself and actually become aware that you are responsible for your choices, your actions, your perceptions, your illusions, and your existence...

and how are you today?...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)