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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-04-17 - 1:39 p.m.

overdue crushes


well this entry started last weekend after a fun night as Rasputin and I tagged along on the tale end of Precious's three day party (three days at the State Thespian Awards in Tampa, returning to get her hair done for her prom that very night... the after-prom activity for the cute foursome (Precious, her best friend, and their boyfriends) was a midnight show of Moulin Rouge complete with live stage performance (in the vein of Rocky Horror midnight shows, if you know that experience)...

that's where we came in, the film with live stage show part cuz, well, they needed rides home and the film/show was the last event scheduled in their three day marathon of fun and I'm always up for a midnight live stage show... and while they put the show on in various locations around town every Saturday night, this one was at Universals City Walk which is a place with much energy in spite of it being quite full of tourists (there are times when I love being in the midst of complete strangers from all over the world who are nervously gathering to party with complete strangers from all over the world and failing miserably by remaining closed off in their own tight little groups as if they are the only ones feeling nervous about partying with complete strangers) theme parks are a sociological phenomenon

much fun was had by us...

we all needed sleep quite desperately (which is why this entry was slurred a bit about a bit hereabouts and slipped off the radar and got lost for a week or so)... as a matter of fact, this entry began the morning of Lydias birthday {youll know Lydia if you come through blogmad Lydia, my blogmadberry friend, if you get that slightly twisted reference, not that Lydia is twisted, even slightly, but, oh, I guess its just one of those you had to be there, so be there already wontcha} and was going to contain some Lydia inspired happiness, but we must be friends already cuz I passed out and now that she knows I hope shes laughing at me with me cuz thatll mean the friends thing isnt just my wishful thinking, ya know Happy Birthday Lydia shes definitely crushable, but well get to that later in this entry perhaps) and all those in our little party much wiser than the fool writing this entry are already well into la la land, though a rather shocking moment occurred shortly after they nodded off when a bolt of lightening struck within a hundred feet of our place, shaking the building and setting off at least a dozen car alarms, not to mention the fire alarm in the building just across the parking lot...

I love storms and this one literally shook the rafters...

Rasputin literally leaped off the couch, which is quite a feat to accomplish while dead asleep, but he was armed and ready for world war twenty seven, at least, if you go by the level of adrenaline pumping through his body and the wideness of his eyes... it is possible Precious slept through it, for we did not hear from her as I recall this event some time later as sleep was not far behind that blazing bolt of white fire...

I did check to make sure that the portion of the building containing her bedroom was still intact and the fire department showed up shortly thereafter to check on things and turn off the fire alarm in the building next door and I probably felt reassured enough to fall deeper into sleep as the next thing I knew is I had somehow crawled into bed some time between the start of this entry and the following morning when this entry was apparently forgotten and lost, however briefly, in one of my scribble files...

I was happy to see that my heightened sense of alertness that reassured me that there was no immediate danger or damage to property was proven accurate when I went out to inspect the grounds and car that next morning... I could not find exactly what the lightening struck, so i must assume that it was something that did not catch on fire or present any visible damage... it sure was loud and vibrant, though...

meanwhile, the week moved along and so will this entry...

I read somewhere (and neglected to save the source info) something about the dangers of TV to kids... my mind rattled with thoughts of past discussions I've had with people who tend to believe that they can make the world a better place by controlling information through censorship and more intrusive methods, especially when, as they'd put it, protecting the minds of impressionable youngsters... most of those conversations were held when I was an impressionable youngster as I've learned that trying to make the world better by arguing with a closed mind is almost as futile as trying to make the world better by controlling information...

and I am reminded once again that a mind, once expanded to accept a new idea, can not return to it's original shape... for better or worse, my mind was bent all out of shape at a very early age and despite the chagrin of those who attempted to get me back in the box, I've been running amuck ever since... usually with my tongue loosely planted between my teeth...

I tell you this in case you didn't already know it... now that I am old and I can fool people into thinking I am not an impressionable youngster (people are really so gullible), my approach when choosing to give a little time to the subjects of censorship or any serious consideration of controlling information or art is to make a serious point or few with a touch of my own odd humor to conclude the point... now that you know, perhaps the comment that all this leads up to will be more or less understandable for you...

in any case...

TV, like religion and education or any sort of external idea input is only dangerous to people who are afraid to think for themselves, which unfortunately does cover much of the human race at this point in time... everything is entertainment if you keep your mind open, make your own decisions, and take responsibility for your own opinions and actions... but since most people dont do that (and certainly most children are not allowed to do that), TV can be dangerous... but I still think more people have been hurt or killed by religions and education than TV, so watch TV instead of going to school or church and make the world a better place...

you see, the logic is obvious...

I miss NYC sometimes... especially when reading a city-dweller's blog... it is still the place I have spent the majority of time in this life and anybody's who's lived there even a short time knows there's no experience quite like it... it'll always be part of me in so many ways... and not just for the high-brow culture (yes, as much as I enjoy being a beach bum, I also love theatre and museums and expensive creativity) and the energy, but also because of the life that is seldom quite equaled anywhere else...

for instance, you can be walking through the city and within a few steps leave the concrete towers for a grassy park so big you could easily get lost in it and while in said park you might say there's so-and-so [insert famous person or famous person's wife] sitting on that park bench wearing a designer gown [insert designer name] with some strange dude wearing not much to talk about and you'd never know she was buying drugs [insert drug name] unless you took her picture and she came over and slapped you upside your head... what, that never happened to you?... well, I've got to give kudos to my favorite dotcom for not giving away the details... her ethics (and I wonder if I'd have all of mine in her shoes) cost her some good money, but that's one of the things that makes her so beautiful to me...

yeah, add one more internet crush to my long list (I'll have to actually write an entry including all of them one day... the early crushed were before websites because so prevalent, so I can not point you to gaze at the beauty and wonder I experienced... and I didn't consider that sometimes sites might be taken down for various reasons so even some of the crushes who had websites are left with only a memory (unless I was lucky enough to remember to download the image on the design, which I only did once or twice and still rarely do)...

just before coming to diaryland (in fact, perhaps the path that lead me here), I recall massively crushing on autumnal... and of course right from the start, candora expressed many such crushes along the way (that's what archives are for, after all)... another warm memory brings me back to nebby (who just joined blogmad and you should too)... of course you must know about my recent crush on dandy as I fast forward to the present...

I find the internet allows me to return to much more simple times in my heart when love was not laden with barbed wire and land mines... the innocence of liking someone without expecting anything or having a bunch of baggage fall on your head and feeling that rush of bouncy excitement just to see them (in words, so to speak)... of course my silly but sincere offerings of unrequited love and little kid love have been misunderstood from time to time causing all sorts of unpleasant words to be sent in my general direction, but heck, I don't mean any harm so the scared or hostile reaction wasn't really meant for me (see, logic is good)...

if you happen to be the source of inspiration for one of my sappy love songs or anything I write, I hope you accept the flattery and appreciation I mean it to be... if you really would prefer not to be a muse for the playful child writer in me, just say so and I'll do my best to ignore your radiant internet presence and make every effort to resist your irresistible charms...

and before you go thinking I'm a eunuch,, like if that matters to you, I will mention that my crushes are not always lust-free... of course my odd humors might keep you wondering as there are no limits placed on my imagination if I have any say in the matter, but another important think to know about me is that there has never been any doubt in my mind that the words are fantasies and not to be mistaken for what I might say to you or anyone in an actual interactive communication... I don't cyber, as in cybersex, but if you hum a few bars I just might write a song about it (with a giggle and a grin and a hi-ho silver, no doubt)...

and speaking of such possibilities, as if the mere thought could produce the representative example (not that I am such a clever genius as to give you a song for the asking as better bards than I have in the past), from the vastly misunderstood, but still sometimes creepy wanna-be dirty old man files, we find you asked for hugs...

and then, inspired by my effervescent crush on shoreline (I am a beach bum at heart, remember?), I nudge a little something out of the sleepwriting heart I dub candora (where the sap flows freely)... I know such venom-free emotional outbursts are not what the popular kids vote for these days, but it's not about a popularity contest for me (and I suppose this thought comes to mind because of the low VARB rating candora has, I mean, if you care about that, and the helpful reminders from so many over the years that the world has had enough of silly love songs and is not meant for one as beautiful as me, or something like that...

that's sad, if true, and we really should not be laughing but if we are to be serious for a moment it has nothing (relatively, as there may actually be no such thing as nothing, but thats another horse to ride to a different color) to do with me and even my ego will get over it in case you were worried about the insecure and insatiable freak... sheesh, judgments and ratings and critics and all that are such distractions from the potential beauty and wonder and fun we can have in this life... don't you know that?)...

as Billy Joel said, sometimes a fantasy... is all we need...

if course we might want a whole lot more, but that's where we can get silly (instead of judgmental) and enjoy the possibilities even if in all likelihood nothing will ever come of the playful crushes and goofy flirtations, ya know, gawrsh, and all that jazz... you must remember this, after all...

and meanwhile, down in the lair of the inimitable cutething...

the following odd comment was inspired not by the actual webcomic content of the traceofhumor webcomic blog, but by the commentary of the two authors, one of whom I've loved (not in a carnal sense) for years since before she was even street legal (and I love it when she goes off road) because she is just so irresistibly cute and teasible and talented (and, of course, because I have so little life of my own to speak of, so to speak)...

actually, I do lust a lot in my spare time, but mostly I distract myself (and you, I hope) from my pathetic loneliness and emotionally empty life by writing love songs as I practice playing it off with inane babble, abstract introductions, and attempts at clever sarcasm mixed with just the right amount of self-deprecation (or is that depreciation?) in the hope that I don't really come off as the dirty old man I am inevitably growing up to be (but I won't grow up, not me, not I, no way, naaa na na naaa naaa)...

meanwhile, in another part of my mind...

I wonder sometimes why the mocking of fans has become so chic and seems to attract more fans... perhaps it is the same human quirk that attracts many to the bad boys (or girls) much against their better judgment... perhaps it is some false humility or an indirect expression of insecurity... perhaps it is merely a cause for a commenter's philosophy late on a Saturday night when returning home alone to watch Harry Potter or Wuthering Heights for the umpteenth time or to read their favorite blog while listening to emotional rock lyrics and dreaming of being cool like the aloof writers who tell them they are not...

that was the comment we were slowly wandering away from as I was rambling before the comment...

did I mention that she has amazingly long fingers and the dreamiest eyes?... no really, look (and the best photos are relegated to thumbnails anymore)...

and then while curled up in the last stall of the all-night bar and hoochy-koo internet caf we overheard, yeah you're on the web now baby, so pull something out of that crotch you call a brain and smear it all over the web... and while were still not completely sure weve finally heard it all, we are pretty sure weve taken another big step in that direction

.

.

.

ok, Ive about tried to put this entry together and finish it for more times than I have fingers on both hands and the zuniverses (and Precious and Rasputin and Berry and Bert and work and stuff and bubbles in the ether) just keep interrupting day after day (not to mention night after night... did I mention Bert and Berry got me out running twice and I'm unpacking boxes and moving in sort of for the first time in years sort of and waking up just a little more sort of and a zillion words are waiting to explain it all and other stuff too, sort of?) and its just not fair to you (and especially not to me) to let the time go by unuploaded, if you know what I mean

and I am sop very nodding off all morning as I try to write...

so I upload yet another unfinished masterpiece

now go find (or make) a sand fantasy or something until I get back






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