and here we are on a journey toward the feeling of a mood that is like an old friend (though originally it was associated with the smoking of some illicit substances traditionally used by natives of this land once called the new world, it returns now and then when I deprive the brain of sleep for extended periods, though lately I find an assist from the coffee and/or cocoa bean facilitates the journey... yeah, still doing drugs dad, what a shame and all that guilt-trippy stuff that comes from ignorance and fear, but anyway, let's wander back to wherever I was heading before the parentheses started before I digress any further into the realm of prejudice and ridicule and, of course, much harmless mockery laced with honest love)...

memories... like the corners of my mind... wishy washy watery memories... of the way it could have been... and suddenly I miss my pictures... I used to take pictures all the time... I mean hundreds of rolls a year... I have a lot of cameras and lenses and filters and all sorts of picture-taking and developing toys... I miss my dark room... I miss playing with light and color and I miss the people in the pictures... I miss the memories and the words they used to inspire...

I used to write strange stories in songs (how many Harry Chapin songs have you really heard?)... my experience in this life has been rather unique in many ways... and my experience in the working work has provided me with many different perspectives, many possibilities for human behavior that few ever think about in their lives...

and isn't that is what stories are about... the possibilities of human behaviors and interactions... sometimes it's beautiful, sweet, heart-warming... sometimes it's horror, bitter, or petrifying... sometimes it's somewhere in between... I kind of like stories that inspire a new thought or perspective... stories that reinforce my belief that people are born with amazing potential and relatively harmless intent (beyond the instinct to survive), but often come to crossroads and must choose the lesser of two evils... I like stories that lead us to question how right what we've always believed was right really is when we open our minds and see a bigger picture... I want to believe that there is always a bigger picture in which even the stupidest harm can be understood (not necessarily justified) as an intent that started out harmless...

naive, perhaps... but it's a beautiful, sweet, and warms my heart (and I like that, so I keep hoping my illusion of how things are is accurate and true)... I think most people (maybe everybody even) chooses to empower way too much fear and makes insensitive, even cruel decisions based on that choice... especially when it comes to how humans treat those species that have little or no power to choose for themselves... children, for instance... I think humans are hypocrites on many levels and in many areas and how people create families is one of the prime examples...

it's the unnatural nature of the modern world that the basic instincts of nature are suppressed to the point of being powerless in the face of social pressure and the gospel of what is supposedly right and wrong for humans... look at most species that survive to do more than merely eat and die... specifically, I mean look at most species who create families... in what we call "lower species", the primary mission, the focus of most, if not all of the parents time and energy and attention is devoted to the family and the offspring... adults spend most of their time gathering food, providing shelter and protection, teaching, and nurturing their young...

and how does that compare to how humans create families...

adult humans spend most of their time at work... we can say that is gathering food and providing shelter, but at what cost?... how much time are we actually there to teach, protect, and nurture out young?... we depend on strangers � day care workers, teachers, maybe a nanny if we can afford one � to provide the education, protection, and nurturing that is so desperately needed to develop into healthy adults...

no wonder so many of us do not develop into healthy adults, aye?...

yea, well, all sarcastic remarks aside, I think it is true... I think humanity is a species experimenting with the dissolution of the natural family and however it turns out, I don't think it's a good idea... as far as I can tell, whether we look at science or observation or faith, all signs point to a need for close body contact, physical comforting, emotional nurturing, interpersonal stimulation, and strong bonding to insure the healthy development of an species that is to survive and develop cognitive skills, self-awareness, and/or advancement beyond the basic survival level...

to write stories, even...

and coming back to the writing of stories, I think it is important that we have stories that open our minds and inspire us to look at things from different perspectives... and stories that present ideas we may not want to look at in ways that let us see things we might need to see and learn something positive about ourselves... especially in the case of stories about children and families and relationships (and again I hold up Harry as a prime example of someone who lived a relatively modern human creating a family and wrote about it and other families and relationships as honestly as anyone I've heard about...

in my feeble (or maybe occasionally humble) way, I've tried to do some of that myself... while sweet and sappy love songs are most precious to me, I also like to explore more deviant or dangerous stories in my ongoing attempt to amuse and intrigue and challenge myself to learn and grow and expand my consciousness and all that good stuff... like why does a serial killer eat cereal?... no really, I also ponder serious questions... like why are humans so afraid of sensuality and sexuality that they will beat or lock up or rage at their children for exploring the most natural and instinctive aspects of being alive... or why do humans fear differences so much they will hate and kill each other over the color of skin or differences in economics, ideologies, or systems of belief that try to tell us how to be good people... or why are humans so afraid of the unknown that they pretend to know things and condemn or kill those who do not buy into the collective pretense of the moment... or why do humans choose to poison themselves and call it fun...

among other ponderings...

if you are interested in reading some of my stories (mostly rhyming, so you might call them lyrics) about my ponderings of the strange and weird and odd ends humans choose, you can find them here here here here here here

hey, it's not all serious, it's me writing, after all, and my primary difference with most of humanity is that I think life is meant to be fun and most people think life is about work and seriousness and growing up and I think that's a lot of crap based on fear and many think I'm full of crap for whatever reason... another big difference is that I don't try to hurt them... or condemn them... and I try not to judge them... and hopefully I succeed in doing what I intend to do which is query and inspire minds to open and explore different perspectives (and hopefully accept that differences are not inherently bad)...

I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, but I'd settle for a quiet peace and hope for some tolerance, if not an actual attempt at acceptance... and from that place in me that feels like an old friend I smile at you hoping you find the positivity in everything (including my most deviant writings, since I intend no harm and often intend to offer a positive gift directly or between the lines... I enjoy giving things secretly or anonymously, even in my writings)...

and we come to yet another pause in the mad catch-up marathon that started (all together now) quite suddenly this summer and hopefully you've been enjoying yourself because I've enjoying myself and it would feel better for me if you were enjoying yourself too... yes, it's all very selfish and self-interest oriented, I want you to feel good because that feels good to me... I'd show you what I mean in other ways, but all I have here are words so... thanks for reading and I hope you feel loved because you are loved...

that's the best part of this old-friend mood, for me at least J

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)