IN
BLACK
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last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )
MEG AND DIA!
ORLANDO?
WHERE IT BEGAN
ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)
ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)
Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?
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CONVERSATION WITH GOD
MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN
(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)
o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o
ABOUT ZOOPLA
o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o
blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines
o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o
HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL
(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)
HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE
FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)
The White House
(202) 456-1111
Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121
YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM
FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!
last---past---next---now
SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA
OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)
mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics
fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here
SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN
3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg
REFERENCE LIBRARIES
questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library
deep web search engines
itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals
AMUSEMENTS
Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked
CULTURE
the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible
COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)
(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?) (a turn on or a laugh?) real doll (p) (the ultimate self-indulgence) (or it could just be a typo) |
PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)
Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions
(make it real)
PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878
send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever
last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications
2005-09-10 - 6:13 p.m.
obsessions of the moment
as if you needed a more effective demonstration of my ecclectic personality (some might call bi-polar, but I prefer the term extreme divergence), this entry will be a collection of thoughts that have roamed the recesses of my mind for at least, oh, minutes...
if I gave any one of the thoughts contained herein enough time, they just might spread like a plague and infest every corner of my mind (addictive and obssessive personality disorder?... who me?), but I've found the cure for all that ails me in ADD... yes, without ADD (with occasional bouts of ADHD) I would be a psycho-babbler (wait, I am a... hmmm, re-thinking)...
ah yes, without ADD (and occasionally ADHD), I would be a psychopath, or at least follow one... I would be a groupie... an addict... a stalker... an obsessive compulsive parasite starving for affection-as-food and selling myself to the highest bidder... any bidder... begging for a bidder, even...
instead, I am a precariously balanced ordinary maniac...
I should have been reading mnvnjnsn when I still wanted to rant about government incompetence and neglect... it's not that I am not still angry and frustrated... it's just that I do not enjoy ranting that much and in the end, what changes?... blood pressure goes up and down, we pat ourselves on the back for caring and being wiser than our leaders, and life goes on...
the status quo wins...
you say you want a revolution?...
well, just not that much...
"Finally today convoys of troops and aid started to arrive along the Gulf Coast. Five days after the hurricane hit. Kind of makes you miss the innocent days when Bush only sat on his ass for seven minutes. It only took him four days to make a plan, but finally today he said he had a plan. Unfortunately it's a faith-based plan that involves getting two of every animal onto a big boat. ~Bill Maher (quoted on About.com)
I read somewhere that she is someone's girlfriend... I mean, the blogger I was reading said so... while I was there, enjoying browsing the models for hire on the site, I remember this place because I used to work there... before they were taken over by these guys, that is... I suppose the previous ownership did not please someone since the new ownership was definitely up front about not being affiliated with the old owners at all...
the whole industry is strange... I mean, how the industry decides what the public wants as a model, what is beauty, attractive, alluring, and ultimately, eye catching enough to sell products, is so very subjective and often rude... 90% of the people who pay for portfolios online will never be considered for modeling work... but companies sell them the possibility as if the odds were in their favor... of course for the voyeur enjoying seeing potentially big stars before they make it big (kind of like the attraction to virgins so prevalent in so many cultures), there's some pleasure I suppose...
but back to the enjoying the browsing part, I was quite stimulated, actually... my visual cortex can be seriously moved by my own particular ego-libido image of sensual beauty (which is not the same as pure beauty, though it's best when they merge into one form and fantasy and then, well, we'd need an X rated diary, wouldn't we?)...
but I hold my own and do not lose control in public, unless it's a performance like a play or something and it's cool with all the others, or at least with my primary co-star, or partner if we play bit parts... or even in the audience, but then, that's usually secret stuff and come to think of it, that can be just as much a turn on...
did I ever tell you about the library corner in nursery school?... or how about the time I watched this really cute girl musterbating in class?... what, you never did?... I started in nursery school... and some people still wonder why I like white cotton undies... grade school desks were the bomb... you absotively posolutely have no idea what you were missing...
yeah, I was a real sophisticated kid...
read (and listen to and watch) this...
disgusting, isn't it?...
yeah well, it's out there... I mean, you head about the talking heads revolt, right?... cartoons?... quotes?... but no one could be that stupid, right?... meh...
it's a country where speculation over whether Georgio Armani wants Narciso Rodriguez gets top billing over who wants the President... I wonder if he gave her the finger too... the people may have finally got the joke...
and who is American Hero?...
did you click on those links?... and the links on the pages?... watch the videos?... come on now, I can't put everything into this diary (that's what links are for)... and your mind is a terrible thing to waste...
but there is a more pressing issues in our pants...
the mind, once opened, can never return to it's original shape... it is still true, even if I do not remember who originally said that... ignorance is only bliss when you don't know that... I am the hopeless romantic who never settled down... sometimes the best memories are like stingrays in puddles... would you say no to meeting your first love again?... funny thing about memories and regrets is they cut both ways...
well, there's a paragraph of a different feather... and just as chock full of links, aye?... falling in love again?... I wish... as Billy Joel said, sometimes a fantasy...
some of us feel strongly about one thing or the other... that's called being alive... and a few of us give one hundred percent to specific moments that inspire us to feel so much that we want that feeling to last so much that we obsess over the source or inspiration of that feeling... for me, my primary obsession is true love (yes, even more than music and writing and sex and chocolate)... and when I find an inspiration, whether a far away picture or an in person physical being, I write obsessively (to maintain a balance and respect for the other's space, privacy, and freedom)... I imagine falling in the deepest love ever known... I dream of becoming one with the other...
I reach deep into myself, the me that's more selfish than the altruistic dreamer with the social conscience, the me that wants to fall in love, true love, the me for whome nothing else matters... and I find myself alive and well, actually offering up a prayer for love... yes, seriously... and that is good news...
I am a much happier camper, much more hopeful and optimistic and alive when I am in love... even if it's just fantasy (though fantasies do not last as long as they once did... heck, my first lasted years... and my ultimate fantasy lasted decades... but then, that one was based on a real life romance... remember high school romance?)... and I've had a distinct lack of romance in life of late... I am told I am creative, intelligent, attractive (hey, it's what I'm told, I might accept being a above average in an honest mood... don't ask ego though), and yet all my supposed creativity and intelligence and attractiveness does not help when I don't find anyone who attracts me in the local physical spaces... maybe I am too picky, but then, I don't want to settle for a compromise that will not satisfy either of us... I've been there and done that and it's a trap that sucks to get out of...
so I go it alone, if that's how it must be...
and I enjoy my obsessions of the moment J
I definitely do not live up to my standards these days, getting lazy too often and feeling quite unmotivated... being alone too long is the primary cause, I think, with a hefty dose of uncertainty about trusting people unconditionally, no less intimately... but I am far from over the dream and I know that everything would still change the moment the right one walked into my space...
and until then, I try to remember how it feels to fall in love by searching for inspirations and letting my fantasies take flight... when I have the time (and I don't most days in recent months)... I hope you find an easier path to the one who will share unconditional love and trust forever...
it's a much better life when it's shared J
. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)
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the moment
we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...
you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...
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AND WHATDYA MISS?
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