I know, I'm crazy... my experience in this life so far has shown me that there's too much going on in my head at any one moment for any one person to relate to when it's just the moment we are trying to share (I really do not want to believe nobody can, so I don't so I wait, and hope, and write) and here I am daring someone to run the gauntlet of my babbling (and the infinite activities I know as my brain) as summarized rather haphazardly over the course of 42 days...

42...

coincidence?... well, what if it was really 43 and I was only imagining it was 43, would that make a difference?... and if so, how big a difference?... what would Douglas Adams say?...

well it may be pretzel logic (did I spell pretzel right?), but I figure the more I put out here the more chance that the person who can keep up with all of me at once (cuz we're both timeless beings) will somehow find out about me and reach out to let me know she's been hoping to find me her whole life just as I've been hoping to find her...

I really thought we'd get this finding each other part done long before now though...

meanwhile, the cow jumps over the moon and can stay there for all I care because I am not into chewing cud or obese animals... but that's an aside of a different color, actually, for the last time I was truly attracted to anyone in the flesh and blood world was longer ago than I'd like to admit and it's not cuz my hormones have quieted down (sometimes I wish they would... I mean, it's sometimes quite scary to be me)...

alas, such a selective me I have become...

sometimes I think I will wait forever because I don't want to settle ever again... then I think, how stupid is that, cuz I want to share and if you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with... and then I think, but maybe she is wating and holding out for me like I've been holding out for her all along... and then I think, but would she really want me to be so lonely and I think I wouldn't want her to be so lonely... and then I think, but if she's not lonely and we meet then either somebody else will be hurt deeply or she will not be available for me and that would be a tragedy either way... so I remain alone, no matter how stupid it seems, cuz doing no harm is more important than ending this torture of loneliness...

makes sense to me...

anyway, I still have more entries to upload on this marathon day of entries but I decided that I was pndering the past bunch of entries enough to throw myself into the keyboard a bit and this is what we get...

maybe you are getting a clearer picture of who lives behind the candoor or maybe you're not, but I hope the balance that is me is somehow showing through (and also at the RealTime blog where I've been trying to keep in touch all this time I've been away from here)... and at myspace and maybe even at the onion and... ...

a lot of people say they feel like a kid, but does anybody know what it's like to actually be a kid decade after decade and watch all the people turn into old scared paranoid prejudiced tired lazy conforming monsters?...

grown ups should stay in the closet and under the bed where they belong...

talking 'bout my generation...

yeah, I'll just keep slipping a challenge in between the lines (or right out in the open like this) from time to time just to show you I love you and believe there's still hope for you... I try not to be condescending, but it doesn't always work cuz you know, you can't always get what you want but...


boo...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)