LIFE

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( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


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ONE. . . WHY
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Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

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CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
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(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

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ABOUT ZOOPLA

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FAT MAN WALKING
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last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2004-12-06 - 10:05 p.m.

nowhere man


(shhh, I cheated and edited this entry, which is why, if you came here yesterday, it's mostly the same... hope you don't feel too tricked... actually, the next entry is in progress (it's an important one to me, much excitement and hopefully insight, even more than this one, I think, but then you'll judge for yourself for better or worse, as you wish) and hopefully there'll be time tonight to finish and upload it... now you can scan down and try to discover just what changed... or read it for the first time if you are not one of my adored {regular readers}... hope it's as much fun {and as deep} for you as it is for me)...


well hello and hugs and friendly kisses if you want them to all you wonderful people who stop by here every day (all seven of you {I randomly picked the number seven, thinking wishfully, will you judge me badly?} and the few random clickers and googlers and odd visitors)... I, being the resident allegedly living behind the candoor welcome you with open arms and beaming smile and glazed over eyes... it's been a while since I slept...

yesterday I almost slept (that might be an appropriate title for my autobiography, with my epitath being and now I sleep, but then, there are many other more appropriate {and humorous} epitaths for me, so we'll hold that one in reserve)...

I have about two hours before I must leave for work again and probably could do with a shower (but I feel relatively stuffed, so I don't know about food, though it's been ten hours or so since I last ate, my hunger rhythms, like all my other rhythms, do not follow the normal daily routine and have been out of whack for a while now... I might have to consume some caffiene tonight though)... I am beyond tired, but not sleepy... too much excitement for no apparent reason other than being alive and well-ish (could use more exercise and drop some weight and my left eye has a bit of irritation that might be trying to turn into a stye or pick eye or something wicked I probably deserve for being a lecherous voyeur or maybe I just scratched it in my sleep and I have a cuticle that tore off a bit and it hurts when I touch it (so don't touch it, right) and the living environment could use some healthy improvements as well... but I am well-ish)... not Welsh, though I have no reason to quarrel with the Welsh, I just mean to clarify that I mean I am well-ish (and some people are druish and some jewish and some celebrate other holidays at this time of year but the point is to love our neighbors and not compete over who has the brightest lights or biggest tree or hottest burning bush or voodoo or anything of the sort, in case you misunderstood)...

oh yeah, this entry might meander a bit since I am riding a wave of sleep deprivation and have little contact with my conscious mind at the moment... it is not intentional... I had most intentions (not quite every intention, I suppose) of sleeping today, but then this happened:

they're banging on the walls again
the labor worker fix-it men
inches through my bedroom wall
they keep dropping a bowling ball
sometimes just above my head
madness just above my bed

they're stomping on my mind again
they handy dandy fix-it men
loud laughing pounding upstairs
I'd complain but no one cares
languages no one understands
feel like I'm in foreign lands

maybe I'm losing my mind
maybe I left it behind
in some quiet dream
vaguely remembering
what silence sounds like
doesn't even rhyme

I wake up to the feeling of dreaming
I am in some far off place
where I don't understand the language
and don't recognize a single face
and I dance around a campfire
pass a pipe and make some friends
and suddenly Buddha and Jesus join hands
with Mohammed and Moses and the dream ends
with everyone living in peace and smiling
and sharing the stuff they treasure a lot
and I fall back to sleep with a tear in my eye
knowing this dream is the best treasure I've got

and maybe I'm losing my mind
maybe the world can be kind
in some quiet dream
vaguely remembering
what silence sounds like
doesn't even rhyme

maybe someone is knocking on the door
maybe someone is calling my name
maybe someone wants to be my friend
maybe all the bad stuff in the world can end
maybe answers are blowing in the wind again
and I drift off to sleep in my dreams
sleep writing...
or so it seems


and I sat here wide-eyed and bushy-tailed watching Amazing Stories all day and feeling all oooooh and aaaaaah and giddy from lack of sleep and an overdose of hopefulness and decided it was time to give you something to read that was more like me instead of being like the life I live these days (that makes sense, in case you wondered) and I had a good time doing it (whatever it is) and hope you do to (may you explode with giggles)...

but I am serious...

and then I was reading about computers today, probably because I dreamed a bass would join me (wait, that's a different dream, and the horse it road in on, salas salah, salad), I mean, probably because I updated my gift wish list (as opposed to my actual wish list, which is not focused on the material material world {cuz I'm really not much of a material girl... or boy, for that matter}, which probably could use some updating itself but remains mostly the same as it ever was) and let my silliness dream (you, know, the kind of id-oriented smiles that come from imagining things like some billionaire will discover my rambling and donate a few million dollars to the behind the candoor foundation cuz that billionaire thinks I deserve a foundation and stuff... or the mommy or daddy of my dreams comes along and adopts me and gives me all the gifts I ever wanted and lets me go through my seventh childhood... poor pathetic nurture-starved child, huh?... oh, what lengths I'll go to for attention)...

remember, overdose of hopefulness (silly)...

anyway, so I was reading about computers today and figured it couldn't hurt to let my dreams fly off to wherever they might go and decided that all I want for xmas or chanukah or any holiday we might wish to celebrate is one of these with this in it... something like this (or this or this or if I really had to, this, though I would upgrade the hard drives on all of them and add a few other storage devices... shhhh, let me dream)... actually, I'd settle for this one... but I'd much rather have an AMD Anthon 64 FX-55 processor (with at least 1GB L2 cache, though I'd like to wait until the 90 nanometer process, a lot more intergrated memory, and L3 cache is available) or a MAC G5 (either would add about a thousand bucks to the price... which I could probably cover, since we're dreaming of what some rich patron of babble is going to buy me... aren't dreams wonderful?)...

and then there's the laptop idea...

I suppose I should read this again and again and convince myself that a much cheaper (more economical) machine, with components selected specifically to meet my computing needs, would be a much wiser choice... ok, enough dreaming...

no, never enough (thank you Patty Smyth... and Melissa)...

oh, speaking of hungers (remember Melissa Etheridge's first {self-titled} album?)... now there's a wake up call (yay!)... and then there's Harry... sigh and some wondrous chills)...

and then the phone rang and being totally unprepared for a phone call or to make any coherent communication, I answered (yes, but I am in such a good and full of hopefulness mood ya know)... obviously my scatterbrained condition was not condusive to a conversation, so the call was mercifully (for the caller) and surprisingly (for me) brief... the brain walked the body into the bedroom and laid down on the bed with the phone at my ear and said to me (the brain did, that is), "oh, it must be time to take a break from writing" and then I realized I was exhausted and yawned and then I realized I still had to go to work in now less than an hour and I whined and giggled and then the call was over... not my choice, but maybe for the best as my brain is dancing on the moon... so my spinning head checked voicemail and called Helena who left a message cuz there I was with the phone in my hand, after all, and that was also brief call that ended abruptly cuz she got another call... she wanted to know what a .pxt file was and why they couldn't write a .pdf file at work... and then the phone rang again about which movie we're going to see for our movie of the month (work friends... the choice is Sponge Bob or Ray... yes, we're an interesting group) and when the next drum circle will be... don't I have an exciting life? (for a fool on a hill)...

take your time, don't worry...

I had fishsticks for lunch... it's the first time I've had fishsticks in years... inpulse shopping, mostly... and chocolate cake... two actually... I mean, two different chocolate cakes... one was like whipped cream or a light mouse, the other was a chocolate truffle cake... seriously rich and delicious together...

did I mention decadent?...

Raspy and Precious went to the Macaroni Grill for dinner... I was totally jealous, but still too stuffed from my lunch to go with them... and I was hoping the chattering hoards of workmen would cease and desist and let me get a little sleep... no such luck... but it's quite now... maybe an hour of sleep would be beneficial?... and it will ruin the night... how do I get myself into these situations?... yes, what I did for love, la la la...

I want Linux...

or maybe I want Linus's blanket... maybe a nap wouldn't be such a bad idea... if I can wake up in an hour... maybe I'll take two and call work and tell them I'll be an hour late... no, I'm not considering calling in sick (or too sleepy) tonight... they want four hours notice and it's not my style to dump on co-workers like that (hear that prospective employers?... anyone offering more than $15 an hour, check my resume and hire me (or better yet, adopt me)... heck, I'd settle for room and board if it's the right position (read no double entendre into the word position, ok?)...

so anyway, life goes on around here... dull... lonely... boring when I don't stimulate myself (and I get stupid and forget I can sometimes, in case you didn't already know that because you haven't read my long whiney lamenting entries)... but that's a lot of us out here in cyberspace... and a lot of us offline too... we do the best we can (sometimes) and sometimes we just avoid doing what we want to do cuz it's easier... easier, hauh... that's a cynical laugh)... and some of us roam the net clicking and visiting and imagining we are sharing time and space with friends who we really hardly know and never met...

all the lonely people, is this where we belong?...

I guess you may have noticed that I don't identify or link Beatles lyrics too often... it's cuz they are such a part of the soundtrack of my life that I forget some of you might actually not know the words/songs I reference... I'll think about finding links for the Beatles too in future entries... for now, I think that I shall explore the insides of my eyelids for half an hour or an hour and be a little late for work... I hope you've enjoyed this zig-zaggy journey through my mind tonight... remember you can change... huh?...

remember you can stand up right now and go outside and smile at someone... remember you can reach out your hand and wave hello or touch another... remember to be hopeful... even when you feel like you're going nowhere... remember the potential of each moment... and don't be afraid to share it... I'm remembering (which is precious moments I cherish, if ya falla... this is a very good night, sitting here in my nowhere land...

and isn't it a bit like you and me...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




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the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

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AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
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once upon a diaryland
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random chance

who me?

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101 Things
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202 Things
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testing123
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sleepwriting
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and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
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DO ME WRONG!
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SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
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(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

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