huff, puff, huff, puff, huuuhh... ok, here we are... my and myself... I think I passed out on the road, but I should be catching up with myself any moment now... we pronouns are such friendly folk sometimes...

so yes, another workout at the gym... though I appear to push the aerobic machines harder than most of the people who show up while I am there, I still feel like the old man as I trudge out of the place... my standards are way higher than most and I am quite out of shape by my standards (which is why I feel mostly dead more often than I would like and this sort of physical world babble, or at least the whining parts, should be over in the land of the dead and not here, but then here I am just rambling on about anything and everything in life without any fanfare or filter or fantasy or funadamental philosophies, just me, myself, and I and you when you're here... ya know)... but a fifth workout, still increasing in effort and results, in six nights (technically about 116 hours) is an vast improvement over nothing in weeks... 30 minutes at level 15 x-aerobics on the whatchamacallit with the last minute kicked up to level 16 and 518 calories burned... then ten reps of the pull down machine at about a hundred or so pounds and fifteen reps on the sitting bench press machine at about the same and everything is tingly-numb tired... doing the weight work after the x-aerobic mode on that whatchamacallit machine is exhausting... and work in less than two hours... must squeeze in shower, but I decided to catch my breath and sit a while first as this was the first workout where I came anywhere near nausea, but that is also because I ate a lot before going to sleep this morning and I went to the gym right out of bed and forgot to drink water first and didn't go to the bathroom and all that body essential stuff that I am sure you were dying to read about... motivating, huh?...

so what else is new?... still on the workout thoughts... I am not sure about the wisdom of leaving the heart monitor off and yet I think I am working out better on the whatchamacallit machine and that machine doesn't have a wireless sensor like the treadmill so it would not pick up the heart monitor signal anyway and I am getting a better overall body workout on the whatchamacallit machine than one the treadmill... and I think the heart monitor was one reason I was getting increased sensitivity (and therein pain and some skin scraping and bleeding) from the nipples as the strap for the heart monitor goes around the torso just under the breast muscle and it probably acted as a dam for fluid flow above it in the muscles and tissues of the chest... though it could also be that I am limiting my workouts to thirty minutes of running and not bouncing as much as I do on the treadmill or outdoor trail... I also thought it was proabbly due to the extra weight I carry around my torso... I was probably up over 220 (that's pounds, not kilos or stones or whatever) some time this year... I was 210 when I stepped on the scale six nights ago before I started this mini-marathon workout and tonight I was 203 and I intend to be under 200 before I stuff myself (as I might... though being that I have no actual biological family and the only adopted familt I have still in touch is ten hours away and I will be working both one the evens and days of both holidays, there is a good chance I will sit around by myself writing and reading web pages and watching movies in the background... maybe listening to music if I remember to return the library books that are probably a half year overdue and they let me still take out things from the library... anyway, I will be under 200 and hope to remain under 200 and start down from there come January and then find myself back around 180 before the next face-stuffing holiday and maybe I'll see how 170 or even the 160s feel again sometime in 2004 and maybe even actually get to next December's marathon since I did not get to this years... it's not easy when you get to be a hundred years old... well, that's how it feels sometimes... sheesh this could be read as whiny... actually, my tongue is in my cheek and I am being more sarcastic than pathetic, but feel free to send pity points anyway as I'll accept any donations of genuine attention and affection that you can spare... maybe I should come out of this parenthese now) during the holidays... in any case, my nipples are happier, which is enough to make any day brighter, huh?...

a nap about now would be very nice... but with just ninety minutes before work and body-care to do, time runs out... I thought about taking tonight off, but decided that I would only do that if I did not take a night off from working out and I skipped the gym yesterday so I am not gonna take tonight off from work... the body says phew...

the mail is in... I am on my desktop machine (the speedy P2 350 Mhz monster, a-hem... hey, it's twice as fast as my laptop, three times faster than on old laptop, and then some) and the SPAM filled addresses come here... unfortunately those are all the addresses on my written gardens website, including my resume and contact page, so it's most likely that anyone trying to contact me through there will be deleted by SPAM filters, which makes it even more amazing that I just happened to find Nad's email... you remember Nad, he was sort of introduced a couple of entries ago... yeah, the entry where I wrote fuck... yes, I know, it is not like me to go all profane on you dear reader but hell, hell is for children and I'm anything but a grown up so when the shoe fits, fuck it... the work does have so very many meanings, after all, almost as many as dude... there are amusing reflections on the varied meanings floating around the web and if you have not found them, you should... if I had a link to one I'd link it but I am too lazy to look at the moment... ask George Carlin, he oughta know...

anyway, I really must remember to find time to figure out how to change all the email addresses in my written gardens on the web (there's at least one, usually more, on every page and there are thousands of pages)... Dreamweaver or Front Page or some program probably has a feature that can search for specific text throughout an entire website and make changes to that text with some sort of find and replace deal, but I don't have such high powered expensive programs at my disposal... and the written gardens spread out over five or six domain names, so each would probably have to be searched and changed separately... feel free to jump in here with your expertise if you know what I am talking about and can tell me how (or help me) do it... or just send the link to the many used for the word fuck or dude if you happene to have that laying around... I welcome your notes and contact and help, you know that, don't you?...

and I need all the help I can get... right...

so anyway, the mail finally downloaded... six accounts and it takes at least forty five minutes a day to download all the mail on them at 56K... yes, I still do not have the cables and hub or router or whetever is needed to split my roommates DSL over to my machine and so I live in the dark ages by modern computer standards... pity me, send whatever you've got...

and I'd say that's about enough pathos for one entry, so let's move on to something else...

...

what else?...

work remains the same... life remains the same... home remains the same... wow, this could have been a very short entry, huh?...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)