I've got a bowl of soup to my right and a needy cat to my other right and dripping hair and TV on and the clock telling me I must get ready for work right now, but I wanted to say thank you for the emails... yes, those of you who know me a little (or more) know that I have been a virtual hermit when it comes to personal mail... I've got a pile of snail mail to sort through, pieces of paper I adore but treat like irradiated thorny roses that will crumble if I so much as touch them again (which stems from my previous incarnation as an active daily correspondence and pen-pal in which so many hundreds of pieces of paper worth more than their weight in gold to me were lost in the supposedly trusted hands of the ones closest to me) and I will get to snail mail eventually for there is always hope, but the recent email drips I've been dropping into the email ether are actually quite an innocuously unmentioned (and carefully disregarded) occurance in this life of personal isolation I've been muddling through for some years now... or...

what?... missed something?... you were expecting an or here right? (only those of you who read daily will get that)... maybe it is a hope I chose not to articulate the first time... or this time either, huh?...

yeah, sure, you understand...

the point of all the words is to express myself, explain things, and hope you understand but just as much the point of all the words is to determine your desire to know and understand... you must have much desire to get through the babble, in case you haven't already noticed... and extra helpings of patience...

so what I want to say in these few moments before work is thank you to those of you who took the time to show me you do have the desire and patience to respond to the few emails I've scratched out this past week (and more are coming, hopefully, slowly)... and to those of you who have not responded yet but actually mean to and want to when time permits, no hurries, no worries, take your time and your words will be just as appreciated the moment they get here for it is that moment that matters, not the spaces in between... and those of you who have not heard from me personally yet (which would be almost everybody), if you don't want to be shy or coy or lazy or apathetic (which I can be, all of the above) - I mean if you feel like reaching out through email, now is the time... these are the days you have the best chance of actually getting a personal response and making a real connection through email with me... these sort of days have not come around in a long time... you are very welcome to share... and wanted...

around here... mostly work and some email has filled this week, though there are some diary/journal entries awaiting uploading (a couple awaiting transfer from pen and ink to cyber words as I rambled a bit at work as I had some rare solitary time there... I also half-heartedly applied for another position at work... a day shift clinical liason position... knowing the political crap I'd be getting back into and not knowing if the money would be any better has me at least ambivalent and hesitant, but I am curious enough to formally inquire and we shall see what I learn at the interview where they and I will decide if I am ready to return to the day-to-day social services world...

around here (home), it's mostly resting between work shifts and wondering where the cats might pee next... at least one of them has taken to comminicating through urination... repeated puddles have been noted on Rasputin's bed, on his laundry, and from the smell of things, maybe other places... I haven't been able to get a laundry done this week (and I needed to since returning from Chattanooga) because the washer has been washing pee-stuff every day... cat-lovers tell me it is not the cats fault, it is the lack of consistency and cleanliness in the care they receive... this is possible, as there is lack of consistency and cleanliness in their care (heck, I'm routinely cleaning up behind my dear roommie in the kitchen... but I am not taking over care and feeding of his cats... as challenging as it is to watch I do not want dependent pets at this time in life... not until I find a human relationship and then the two of us can decide what sort of pets we might want and bring them into our lives together... alas, I've lived in a lot worse conditions)...

there's other odds and ends to relate, but they will have to wait for more time and another entry... not that the world will be altered by the wait, right (shhhh, as much as part of me loves the idea of screaming fans, it won't help unless you show up here and can afford to give me some time off work to give you the attention you are screaming for... of course that is fantasy, but there's always time for a good fantasy ya know)...

I did not want another day to go by without saying hello and telling you I love you and appreciate everything and anything you share with me... if you only knew how much it means, but then, you'd have to spend some time in shared space with me to know that... but you can imagine and that is a treasure too... every word... thank you...

and also, to say this to one of the few I call my own...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)