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2006-05-03 - 6:15 a.m. music is the never ending story (part 2) and to be continued... in the past month I've discussed living in Seattle, Portland, Saratoga, Tucson, and San Diego (actually, the past week) and I know a few of you have encouraged me to think about two of those places, but for the moment it is just talk� just today Rasputin mentioned that Precious and her best friend (who really ought to have a name here by now and she probably does cuz she's Precious's best friend, after all, and quite adorable in her own right and you know how easily I crush on adorable teenagers) want me and him (or at least one of us) to go with them to Europe the summer of 2007 as a high school graduation trip before they head off (most likely) to different universities� now if I could only win the lottery and not have to work so much� so will I be moving, or at least traveling in the next year or two?� who knows, I do not predict the future (or plan much for it, unfortunately, as I could have been happily retired and doing whatever I pleased if I had planned a bit better during my early retirement in the nineties� but c'est la vie and all that jazz) � I shall follow my heart, foolish as that may be, as the winds of chance, romance, and honest love carry me along� and one of these days I'll wake up and remember where I left myself (and with the help of music, old and new, I shall continue from where I left off on to new roads and dreams)� until then, I'll observe and ponder human nature and behavior and interactions as I perceive them from a variety of perspectives� and I look around me now as my work and physical people merge with music and imagination to bring me to wonder if we are all so desperate for attention, affection, or just interaction and some semblance of recognition that we will try to share what we know with anyone anywhere and accept their brief attention as deeper understanding and be satisfied with the fleeting moments of feeling we had an audience in lieu of having someone with whom we could actually share� how have we come to be a people who are so desperate to have someone agree with us that it does not matter if they truly get us, understand us, or who they might be as long as they give us the surface impression that they agree with us� are we so desperate for validation that we accept it even when it holds no true meaning?� does anyone seek to validate the validation?� and for what purpose?� this entry may appear to be all over the place only because it is� and disk three concludes a fascinating musical journey that is at once eclectic and flowing, like a salad tossed into a river, perhaps, a trip through more musical genres than any one person I know gets into and that is so much fun for me� so I am sitting here moving to the electronic dance floor sounds of Fischerspooner as the third disk concludes and I find myself surprisingly awake for a first night back to work� and since the night is only half over, back to disk one� such an appropriate beginning (though turned way down for the current setting)� Sydney by Halifax� so tell me know do I have to say things that will get through to you?� I trust my fingers� and I sit here and write� if I could be anything� I would be medication for you� at once a love song of unconditional desperation and a song I can relate to my experience here with public writing in general and a song that reaches for the part of me that wishes to save the world, as if that is possible� also, wake up, move, shout, scream (though in stealth mode for this particular moment� and here I am, wearing my Sunglasses At Night by Corey Hart so I can focus and shut out all the false shining most everyone does, especially at work, and so I can see the light that's right before my eyes� so am I stretching for you or do you see the connection in the words and music that I see too?� my way with music is love the music, be the words� or is that be the music, relate to the words� feel the song� there's really a lot less analysis than expressing it in literary form might suggest� and it's either a great guess or a sign that someone has read a bit of my history as I still sometimes feel (because I have not started over quite yet because that takes a new partner) that I am living the lyric for Love of My Life by Cowboy Mouth, but alas, we can not actually move on completely from the last memories of a relationship until we have new memories to replace the last memories in that part of our heart and mind that retains the sensory experience if only to prove we can (and are still alive)� know what I mean, Vern?� and then Daniel by Lior takes me back to roots of separations (from my head: First Episode at Heinton by Elton and Bernie, not to mention the song of the same name by the same pair� First of May by The BeeGees� Til Tomorrow by Don McLean)� I suppose I could use any music to dissect myself as that is what music has been for me since I first heard it on the radio, personalized messages sent just to me� eventually I realized that I am the one who chooses the personalize the song and the chances are pretty remote that the artist somehow read my mind and knew exactly what to say� if there was any doubt in your mind about the insatiable imagination of my ego, this should go a long way to dissuading that doubt� I'll let it be for now, this personalization of the three CDs E-Beth sent� there's introspection, amusement, puzzles, seriousness, fun, and wonderful variety� and I am getting too sleepy to give it any sort of coherent connection� and so I'll do what I did the first time around, listen and write wherever the music and muses move me� like what do you think of Chocolate Jesus by Tom Waits?� I find it amusing, but I know some people who've claimed to be offended (the last refuge of the prejudiced as if one person's sensibilities or preferences should take preference over another persons� or one person's sense of what is right� but that is the way of the land of the free, isn't it?� might makes right� how much art and creativity of all sorts has been stifled or even destroyed by the large fears of small minds)� I really ought to do something about that grumpiness� nothing that some serious exercise and falling in love wouldn't cure� such a simple solution� did I mention that Berry and Bert are almost certainly not going to be running the marathon come January and haven't been back out on the trail since that last time I mentioned it?� I've been out there twice since, but definitely not enough� they will be moving to Seattle� Bert has an uncle there and Berry will be staying with him until she finds work and then Burt will move up when they've got enough saved to feel comfortable if he needs some time to find work� yes, I think I did mention this� sure sign of brain fatigue� so as usual, it is a do it myself project� now all I need to do is change my eating habits, my sleep pattern, and lifestyle� or maybe I'll take a nap�
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