LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


JOIN OR RE-REGISTER NOW

welcome blogmadians... and the rest of you, while still in beta, you can still join the latest greatest party on the web, blogmad!

SUPPORT BLOGMAD! BUY STUFF



o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-09-06 - 2:24 p.m.

I need a good prayer...


because all the good drugs are illegal...

no really, I need a new prayer... one that suits me and my odd sense of spirituality and the cosmos... it should probably go something like this... I want to find my way back to my silly side, my irreverence, my ecclectic hedonistic hitchhiking through the galaxy perspective... I mean, my life isn't changing... I have no horrible mess to clean up (at least none visible)... I have no major rebuilding to do (I think)...

I thought about changing lives, I mean, finding a new job in a new place involved with new people dedicated to a cause or something (something I can believe in) and I might consider something new if someone offered it, but my ambition to seek out such opportunities seems to have faded... my aloneness seems to have become an sorta comfortable discomfort, kind of like an unpleasant odor I've learned to live with... I find little or no motivation to actively search for friends or anything new and fascinating in this world anymore...

depressed?...

not in the sense most might see the word...

apathetic?...

again, in an odd way...

I still feel more excitement than anyone around me wants to join in on and more energy than anyone around me wants to keep up with... that's the most depressing part of life, that I still have not slowed down enough to find people who can follow me around, no less lead me around... and repressing or restraining the energy and excitement for long is simply not healthy...

I seem to be in a phase of life where I await... yes, that's it, I am awaiting... not anticipating... not really looking for anything... just awaiting...

are those strange looks I see?...

well, actually, the better question might be are there any looks to be seen?...

ahrem...

or is that aherm?...

I am watching the wheels and not loving it as much as I used to... it gets this way when I am alone too long (after all, John had his Yoko when he wrote that song)...

I see love blooming in the most beautiful of places (and such hearts deserves every moment of bliss) and I feel even more alone, even as I rejoice and cheer what I see...

I see great spirits in action amidst profound challenges in the most disgusting of environments (and such spirits deserve the glory of overcoming and rebuilding and enjoying new lives) and I feel even more alone, even as I feel humanity and inspiration in what I see...

I see so many people in need and cry silently, dryly, and I feel even more alone, even as I feel wishes in my heart that I could help...

I see so many people and more people I wish I knew and could talk to and take walks with and have fun with and feel even more alone, even as their words and images inspire me to hope it will not always be so...

so what?...

I can distract myself from my life with the news...

I can pour energy into causes and try to change the world...

but I do not want to control anything or anyone... I do not want to make rules for others... I do not want to tell others how to live, what to think, or how to be...

I do not want to be god or leader or even some sort of role model... I do not want to be a public figure... I want to be a private person, just me, sharing life with someone who knows me, appreciates me, loves me... someone who wants the same thing... someone who lives for loving me as I live for loving them...

another hitchhiker who feels the passions of life, who cares about everything in the world, and who understands that it is for each one of us to create the world we want to live in... not by telling others how to do it, not by controlling, governing, or making rules... but by doing it... living it... sharing it... being it...

I want to be me because I love me... I feel good being me... I help others who cross my path as I wander through this world... that feels good... I give all I can because giving feels good... I don't have much to give anymore because I do not receive much because I know few people in the world who give as I do... and I stopped taking things because I do not enjoy taking things... I do not enjoy the aquisition games of this culture... and that is another part of my loneliness, for few choose the path I choose...

oh, about not wanting to be a public person... don't tell Meg Ryan, ok? (or any of my libido fantasies)... no seriously, if I met someone in the public eye and fell in love (and she fell in love with me, cuz it would not be quite what I am looking for if she didn't), I'd learn to live happilly ever after in the public eye... after all, I don't care who knows what about me, I'm just not looking to be famous or public... this diary is about sharing me in the hopes that someone, the one, might find me... that's always been the second reason for my seemingly endless writing... the first being releasing what is in my head in some mad dash to stay ahead of the insanity that sort of swamps me every now and then cuz I have no off switch inb my head and there's just so much to know and I want to know everything, but that's besides the point, I think...

this is my selfish entry, I suppose... after all, this is my diary, my place to let my mind wander wherever it will go (fixing a hole, and all that jazz, or rock, depending on personal preference)... and besides, some of you reading who have not already been exposed to this whining lonely child who lives inside of me might be curious to know that such a vulnerable baby does exist within and behind all these words... heck, this diary alone is approaching it's 1000th entry and I have many others... see the links on the left for more if you're crazy enough to want more...

my head hurts...

I think the first rush of adrenaline is starting to wear off... it lasted the better part of a week, so that's pretty amazing by most medical standards...

I could probably sleep for a week...

unfortunately, I've got to be back at work in about eight hours, so I should consider rolling into bed soon... I've got a feeling this is yet another of my unfinished entries... aren't we lucky?...

wharever you are, whatever you are doing, I hope you are making the best day out of today you can make of it (today) and if my babbling has not intrigued, amused, or otherwise held your attention, well, it really doesn't matter what I say cuz you're probably gone, unless you fell asleep and woke and wondered what was on your screen and read down here by accident, but whatever the reason for your reading this far down this page, or even if you didn't, I wish you the best day of your life...

at least until tomorrow...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
RSS?



who links here
blogwise
Blogarama
Globe of Blogs
blogthings

~ BLOGLINKERS ~




~ BLOGROLLING ~
(Blogroll RSS)


Blogroll Me!

published
blogadvance
blogazoo
blogexplosion
blogmad?
bloglines



(PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS)
TSUNAMI INFO
fantasy sports?
BLOGGIES?
sorry everybody
Orange Blossom Music Festival

Deland Music Festival
MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays
FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
talking dog






SAY HELLO
407-325-1482





and if you want to leave
take good care
hope you make a lot
of true friends out there