LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
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o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2008-12-09 - 11:35 p.m.

NAKED DUET


for me, the cleansing bath is memories, nostalgia rushes over me... it feels so good... it feels so strange... it feels so much, so much... how long have i been this out of touch? (a voice wonders softly) how long have i been this out of touch....

the best thing about being lost, is being found again and getting lost together...


NAKED DUET

font it's the crazy way I am
tears can raise my smile
for honest feeling pouring out
is the way I want to be
so when I feel my own tears
I know in a little while
the sorrows will be all poured out
and just my peace left in me...


i went a little crazy. actually,
i went a lot crazy. i laid on
the floor of my apartment with
my arms stretched wide, cried
huge tears and gave everything
away.


NAKED

On Brunswick Avenue, just north of College St
in a one room apartment sometime in July of 95
there I sat wearing only the tears fearing defeat
and it almost didn't matter if I was still alive

and she didn't walk by me
she didn't walk out
she saw how much I loved her
and what I was all about
and she came to hold me
thats when I grew strong
then she broke down and cried
and we wrote this song

whatever happens, there's always love
as long as I'm alive I know that I can rise above
whatever happens, there's always you
and you are everything I believe is true...


>i'd stand in a parking lot in
the deepest part of the night,
my arms raised to the sky, my
hands clenched into fists, then
i'd open them wide, hoping the
pain would fly away and i could
let
it
go.


and the middle was not as beautiful
as we dreamed it would be
the road was rather rocky
it took a lot out of me

and it must have done the same to her
for light grew dim in here eyes
and the winds of change swept us apart
but we never said good byes
we never said good byes


the pain holds me still.

the pain still holds me
and the love still burns
and with no way to share it
I'm ready for an urn
for it's consuming me from inside
it is all I want to be
but it's something that I can't do
unless someone does it with me...


>then i moved to a new place
and once spent 3 days with a
knife pressed to my left wrist,
sawing and sawing and trying to
die.

i'm still alive.

the scar reminds me that i
can't die, so i might as
well live.

i go over and over the things
that happened, trying to make
them come out "right" and just
the other day it dawned on me.


I wandered for a while
searching for a smile
creativity confused
feeling self-abused
a self-pathetic low-crawl
bleeding out my all
into the endless fall
with no one to call

this year words flow more easily
even about the deepest pain
that's how I know I am healing
making it through the rain

the process is succeeding
even through my doubt
cause when I'm feeling blue
i let it out
feeling black and blue
i let it out
feeling crimson red
or a putrid shade of gout
whatever im feeling
i let it out
out of the blue...
out of the blue
out of the blue
i let it out


it has come out right.
i am in love with the life
i am building by myself.
i am stronger than i've ever been in my life.
i have, again, moments when i am so happy
that i explode with joy
and shower my world
with smiles and laughter
and tears of gratitude.


so beautiful and wonderful
wish everyone could find the key
to this perspective and place inside
and know the way to be
way to be happy

cause it's the greatest feeling ever known
and it requires nothing outside of self
though everything around can become part of it
on the universal shelf


>i still have nights of deepest pain.
i still have moments when the desire
i tamped down rises and i want, oh,
god, i want so bad to find one person
to cling to, to have cling to me, to
love for the rest of my life, to count
on and depend on and laugh with, walk
with, whisper with in the deepest parts
of the night.


me too... the irony is part of me (a part I consider sensible, rational, and safe) sees it as co-dependancy an believes it is unhealthy and dangerous... and another part of me (a part I consider free and potentially all I can be) wants to play with that addictive desire that buys into the "can't live, if living it without you" mind-set and makes the illusion real... consciousness somehow saves me from a life of confusion, as I don't feel caught between the two... I feel comfortable here... but then, I am comfortable with the unknowns of most everything... no doors are completely closed in me, as long as i can dream, so who knows what tomorrow might be like (as long as i can dream :)

i still have days when i think the man
i let into my life could be the one, but then
he'll make some racist slur or will
look at me as if i'm stupid, or will yell
at me and i know i was right to leave him
and live by myself.


I'm alone these days because I'm in a less compromising mood than ever before... mostly because I have to live with so many compromises on a day to day basis as I climb back out of the streets and into a more independant life (thinking of that Mark Wells song, Don't Laugh At Me... it's a perspective that must be lived to be completely understood)... I wish there were no judgmental people in the world, but I'm doing my darndest to keep them out of my life... though this year they are much easier to deal with... healing...

i licked my wounds (licking my wounds)
(till tomorrow) till time could cover them with scabs
and i spend a lot of time some days and nights trying to scrape the dry, dead skin off them, and sometimes i succeed and the pain leaks out and i write and write and write and write and cry a little, cry a lot, howl at the moon, scream at the stars.


I think some wounds will always bleed
and I think I like that because it keeps me feeling
and reminds me I am alive...
and then, maybe it's not bleeding, or if it is,
not in a negative or unhealthy sense...

I bleed into words

when they are released just right (for me)
the feeling is as good as any feeling I know...
only better when shared honestly and openly and completely...
sometimes I write until I nod off...
sometimes the same feelings come out
and inspire me and energize me...
it depends on whether I am feeling sorry for myself
or whether I am healing and trying to express the healing
(which includes experiencing the pain, the cleansing, and so on)...


then i sleep and when i wake i try to
start my life all over again.
i wish you peace
i love you.


i love you too
words are how I rise above life's challenges
and your words inspire me to continue doing that
thank you.

so I reach right through the fear
and I rise above the pain
and I feel a simple peace of being
somewhere beyond this life's games
and I stand secure and proud
to still be all I am
and nothing's gonna change me
from doing the best I can
and it feels so good to share
with someone who understands
so let's just sit here reading
holding this thought... extending hands

*HUGS*
and thanks so much for being you
and for sharing yourself with me :)
(hey, haven't we danced this dance before? ;)
honest love


"All my life's a circle, sunrise and sundown,
the moon rolls thru the nighttime, till the daybreak comes around
All my life's a circle, but I can't tell you why,
the season's spinning round again, the years keep rollin' by"
~ Harry Chapin ~






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




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the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

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AND WHATDYA MISS?
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random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


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