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2004-10-12 - 9:27 a.m. it is morning and I miss you... I also have people bouncing around on my head (ok,on my roof, but it sure sounds like they're on my head) for whatever reason they've got to be up there this time... living in a construction zone for months is not easy, especially for a person who works the night shift and attempts to sleep during the day... the long term effects of sleep deprivation may be appearing at a diary near you soon (what, you haven't noticed already?... and you want me to take politics or world affairs or something that requires some serious thought and focus and concentration and meaningful dialogue with a coherent mind seriously?... confudulatum?... oh, pass the ice cream, fudge)... someone knocking at the door?... tell them I'm too busy gaining weight... actually, I am doing my best not to turn into one of those people who placate all that is frustrating in their lives with decadent food because that will spoil the pleasure of food for me... heck, I'd rather become a person who sprays Fabreeze on their armpits (well, maybe not, but don't let there are probably worse concepts I can come up with to describe how far down the list of things I'd like to do actually giving up chocolate would be... I am just tired of being tired and feeling like privacy and peace and quiet is gone (kind of like how I felt in those last years in NYC when I knew it was time to actually move somewhere more peaceful, somewhere that's green {if you know what I mean... well, do ya Seymour?... whatcha giggling for, anyway?}, somewhere nice)... you see dear, sometimes this life in black and white is boring and uninteresting, even... especially in the morning after work when they are banging on the roof and windows and instead of going to the gym I turn my will power off and pig out on pasta and chocolate and let my creativity fall asleep while I drift aimlessly through sugar highs and TV reruns and this and that all the distract myself from the real... the real... the... what?... pounding on my head?... hunger?... yes, that's it, the real hunger... loneliness... you know the song?... I'm just a lonely boy... yeah, you know it... Mr. Lonely... I'd like to get into the feeling because that might lead me through a major catharsis to a resolution to actually do something about the habits that keep my lonely, but I've gotten too good at distracting myself... does that make any sense to you?... maybe the most frustrating thing about being me is that I understand what I am doing even as I do nothing about it as if I have no idea what I am doing when I am actually doing nothing and wishing I would do something to make something happen... yeah, and you thought you knew me, huh?... we could laugh with each other until all the walls fall down... there are walls, probably, we've all got them, or something like them... or we could take it all too seriously and get morbid and depressed and throw a wicked pity party and get self-destructive and wasted and then laugh with each other until the walls fall down, but then we'd just wake up with a headache and wonder what happened and run into the same old walls... so how do we cut through the red tape and just get to trusting each other so we can love truly and be comfortable and honest and sincere and not so afraid or distracted so we can share?... I dunno, what'dayu wanna do?... maybe we're just two lost souls living in a fishbowl... year after year, even... running over the same old ground... yeah, running... that's what we need to do, run... who wants to run with me?... and swim... and dance until we fall down... and fly... and what have we found...
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. . . . . the moment we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)... connections . . . . AND WHATDYA MISS? Can You Laugh At The Sky? DSandDrew It's Been A While Just a Moment (Proof of Mice) A Moment of Forever older still random chance who me? leave a note? (read archived notes) send me mail? you want to know me? soundtrack 101 Things The Sequel The Trilogy 202 Things 200 Things 202 More Things 202 Things Again testing123 have time, love words? sleepwriting (where the heart dreams) and now, in RealTime� and then, (e)thereal and now, briefly, in case it matters and now, the dirt, drama, and details (babbling) DO ME! (Johari Style) DO ME WRONG! (but do me right) SOAP! (EPISODE ONE) (the dark side of candoor) loving linkers other loves A Diaryland Survey other surveys small world your profile matters (search for you & find me) tell others read others applause? favor? gift? get your own! saturn rings and other places googlisms browsing where've ya been? the searchers favorites 911 HEY AMERICA! LOOK AT YOUR CHILD STOP THE ABUSE (GET THE CODE) THOUGHTS ON GOD ( temporary attractions ) BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE! WAS #1 @ MSN! (for a while, now on page (EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS) RSS? who links here blogwise Blogarama Globe of Blogs blogthings ~ BLOGLINKERS ~ ~ BLOGROLLING ~ Blogroll Me! published blogadvance blogazoo blogexplosion blogmad? bloglines (PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS) TSUNAMI INFO fantasy sports? BLOGGIES? sorry everybody Orange Blossom Music Festival Deland Music Festival MIT Survey brilliant idea Celebrate Birthdays FOR FREEDOM CONTINUE... talking dog SAY HELLO 407-325-1482 and if you want to leave take good care hope you make a lot of true friends out there |