and speaking of suddenly mood swings or instant distractions, she may have been my first commenter in the RealTime� blog... and I still have a special place in my heart for first times, ya know... so go say hello and share a smile if you've got one...

I did mention that I went browsing for a change and I shall share, ever so briefly, the results of the browsing I did in these very few words because I enjoyed the random people and things and music and stories that I wandered about tonight... and I found a few more old friends that brought me back to memories and reminiscing about Toronto (or was that a conversation I had earlier?)... and I wonder, out of a lingering caring (because love never ends and caring is forever and families always forgive) and my insatiable curiosity and desire to know and help wherever I can and ultimately matter in this life, whatever happened to...

so many people...

and I too have known the wonders and excitement of manic depression (now renamed bipolar largely because it sells better in the psychiatric profession, but also because it does reflect the two extremes, though personally I still prefer roller coaster even if it wouldn't sell to well) and many an ode to the roller coaster has found it's way out of the curls of my brain and into words and rhymes and other forms of artistic expression... I won't tell you that you've heard some, because that would be telling and I only joke about telling, after all, but I will share the unknown comical versions now and then and if you're paying close attention, you might find something familiar...

or I could just be playing a mind game...

or I could be playing at playing a mind game...

or I could be playing at playing at a mind game in order to maintain the uncertainty about the writer behind the writer of life in black and white behind the candoor (no, I am not Ice-T, really... I may be Robin Williams, but he'll deny it so I naturally will agree with him and be someone else... of course I couldn't very well be Lenny Bruce, even though he probably wouldn't deny it, because he is, after all, rather dead at the moment... and Elvis never wrote this good)...

love me tender, love me true... fuck me all night long...

yeah, I'm in one of those unbecoming moods that I would ordinarily take elsewhere to places that have disclaimers for little minds who claim they want to protect little children but who really are just afraid of their own emotions and exposure of their limited perspectives (but don't tell them that unless you want them to resort to violence because they are too stupid to find the words to counter the argument)...

and before you go on getting the idea that the F word or any sort of sordid language turns me on, it doesn't... I'm not a curser in bed and don't find cursing a stimulant as most curses are derogatory and sex is about love for me and love is about positivity, nurturing, and not any sort of harm to body, mind, or ethereals...

and I seldom use what are commonly called curse words because there are so many more descriptive and more accurate adjectives and adverbs and nouns and verbs in language when trying to describe something and even when I do I believe it makes for more interesting reading (and therein keeps a reader's interest and therein gets more of a point across) if I don't repeat words, especially descriptive words, so I consciously seek alternatives as I am relating what is in my head as I write...

and from another perspective, I don't need to play up to ignorance or what's cool in some circles or prove any street savvy because I know where I'm from and I've walked on the wild side and lived on the mean streets... and whether or not it's related, a thought about gangsta rappers comes to mind as Ice-T's latest song plays on the TV and that thought is contrary to the mainstream of gangsta rap, I suppose... because it seems that someone making money by singing about guns and drugs and killing people and claiming they sing about it because the establishment or society or the President creates or condones the poverty and ghetto life and death struggle many grow up in is a rather exploitive way of trying to make life better for the kids getting into a dog eat dog killer lifestyle... a way to release the anger or a way to incite it, it depends on your point of view I suppose...

personally I'd rather see the people with power in rap use that power to express ways out of the ghetto instead of simply venting about life inside the ghetto and pointing fingers of blame at those outside because the latter feeds into the victim mentality that keeps the poor from believing or understanding that they can make choices in their lives that get them out of the mean streets... and I single out Ice-T mostly because I believe he can take it because he, based on his work, understands what I am getting at here...

anyway, all that to say I try to express myself with the most accurate words I can thank of and usually shy away from words that most people find offensive because I do not want one or a few words to distract people from reading and getting the point of what I am trying to convey in words... but fuck if I won't say shit or any other word when it feels like that's the clearest way to express what I am trying to say...

love

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)