LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


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o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2004-05-01 - 4:49 a.m.

mixndrstood


from the past the point of no return files, generally referring to no sleep but probably inferring some deep dark secrets as well, I am back around for another spell... or something like that... whatever that means...

I don't often think about it, but it would be really cool (and quite eerie) if people I knew in the history of this life were silently (secretly?) out there reading and keeping up with this life I tend to live... maybe that was the initial impetus for the original online journal I started in the 90s, but somewhere along the way I think I've left conscious thought of actual contact with anyone out of the rambles I seem to find overflowing through my fingers most days... today, however, might be an exception to that habit...

before I forget, I send you all to vote for Public Domain at this website just because Disco the Kid is from my first home town and a really cool read, even if he doesn't even know I exist and never gives me any attention... I mean, Elvis, Harry, John, Elton, Billy, and Meg don't respond to me either and I know at least a few of them as still alive... so I don't mind being a forgotten fan of the band, even if the gratutities (oh, for want of a little recognition great nations have fallen, aye?) are in my dreams...

pardon my giggles, it's rather late (wide awake at 4AM without a soul in sight)... site, either, ya know... ah, but the smiley faced mood overcomes all obstacles, even the depression of long term loneliness that swallows all hope for dreams of family and love and the kind of nurturing a little orphan kid can only imagine, without even a real reference for dreams... oh the melodrama, oh the humanity, of the rather mad giggles...

and now, back to the depths that brought me here tonight at this precious hour, this time when all the worlds asleep and questions run too deep and infinity draws each moment out into eternity... where to find comfort, shelter, nurturing... meaning...

so what have I got to do?, anyway?...

is it mere coincidence that Elton John and the BeeGees as in the Elton John and the Best of the BeeGees CDs (I still think of them as albums) have played tonight and happened to arrive in the mail this week and that I happened to finally remember to order them when I was at the library a couple of weeks ago?... I ordered a dozen or more CDs, it's been more than a week, four have arrived... the two above, Pink's Missundazstood, and the Beatle's Sgt. Pepper... mind blowing coincidences, no doubt... as if most of Tape 62 and the twenty year itch returned precisely on time and I just happen to have this very night and day off and I am finding sleep calling only for brief spurts of my time so I can reach into my maniacal (or magical, depending on perspective) bag of tricks for whatever inspirations might arise from the dead or the living or elsewhere...

you know what I mean...

if you truly know me...

and so there have been a few who dove into the depths, all of whom pulled out, at least for all reality purposes if we can agree that sharing makes it real, for reasons they may never have to own up to, maybe not even to themselves... they probably have very full lives that have nothing to do with me or the depths we shared (or perhaps the influences of those times are prominent for the few eyes who might recognize them)... I know the old sayings, what goes around comes around and no act of kindness is ever wasted and everything is connected and so on... the truth is out there, I suppose...

and I lament over the fact that no one in my space today shares any such knowledge of the history, the depths, or of the ka (to let Stephen King suggest the term) that has drawn me through this life... my ka-tet has long left my side, my journey remains quite solitary, my sharing rather light and distant... but the depths remain...

and while there may always be scars and perhaps always some bleeding from some of them, for the drama of sacrifice if not the profundity, the child continues to play with each moment as if that is all there ever was, is, or will be (isn't it?) and no amount of learnt human habits seem to change that basic truth... I wish everyone could understand and experience what I mean first hand... it is in you, really it is... really...

I so do not want to be misunderstood...

and yet my mind races onward...

an apple core stands in an apple slicer to my right, along with an empty bottle of water and an empty box of some Kellogg's Mueslix and a canister of GoLean, another cereal I've started eating only recently... I prefer it to Mueslix, less fat and sugar so the flavor of the grain comes through... I've forgetten, with all the hype about low-carb diets around us these days, how much I love whole grains... and fruits... good to remember...

a pile of CDs almost bring tears to my eyes and I remember the music contained on them and the threads that the music weaves through my memories... this moment is all there is, but it is composed of every moment I've ever known and the most precious are starting to rise to the surface again... once in love... if it takes forever... once there was a way... oh how I love these warm and fuzzy chills...

and now, in this moment, how I long for someone to be here and see the sweet tears in my eyes, to taste the electricity in the air as if I extend an aura beyond my skin for anyone to see, feel, touch, share...

and if I am a fool, well nay then, I shall be a fool... and thank Shakespeare for the words... Harry has not arrived yet, but the Sultans of Swing laugh in the background and as they point out, he doesn't mind...

I feel the bandaids on my neck pulling at the hairs of my upper chest and wonder how my neck will look with fifteen little dots gone... I laugh between visions of Frankenstein monster scars and the feel of smooth unirritated skin under a collar... not that I wear collars all that often these days... the suits are in storage, all but the one jacket I bought for the wedding last October... call Chattanooga, yes, I must... and ET phone home... I miss you...

but she never truly understood me either...

sigh...

and so I walk on through the wind even when it is not blowing answers my way, even when the landslide brings me down, even when the references are obscure or fragmented or forgotten... for I've gotta be me after all, so I go my way each moment, night and day... and so it goes... until the end of time...

and I know you're out there somewhere...

and I wonder how many literary or lyrical references were picked up this time, how many connects were made in your mind, and what might have been touched... and I wonder how things are going in your life, how much you remember or want to, how much you would rather forget... and I wonder why you are here, why you stay silent...

you are not forgotten...

and you are forgiven...

I want to believe that there are other worlds than this (thankee-sai) and that there are doorways and connections and a rhythmic threading, like musical chords, throughout everything... I want to believe there is much intelligent life all over in this and any other universe that may be... I want to believe there is a universal pull toward kindness, comfort, pleasure, and love that will ultimately overcome any negativity, insecurity, need, greed, doubt or fear... I want to believe that we will share in this universal positivity, be aware of our part in the infinite symphony that everything creates... and I want to share it all...

so I do, as well as I am able...

still...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




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the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

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