ok, so here we are again in the madhouse trying to clear out links and stuff from the scribble files... it's the last night of the work week and and much to be done, but administration realized that our hospital census has dropped so low that there's too many staff per the technical ratio... the trouble with the technical ratio is that it leaves no room for error, bare bones staffing...

simply, there's two people per unit so if one person has work to do off the unit (and the last night of the week there is much of that), then that leaves one person in a 200 foot hallway with 13 psychiatric patients...

yes, when you leave a thin young pregnant girl alone on a unit in a psychiatric hospital without a phone, walkie-talkie, or any way to get help if help is needed, it is good to remember these kids are actually psychiatric patients, some of whom are routinely violent and weigh more then three hundred pounds and have put people in the hospital with their bare hands...

so the ratios might be ok and even legal on paper, but the safety factor is at bare minimum and we just trust our instincts to deal with anything that might come up and hope nothing does...

instead of taking a break tonight, I'll tap away at the keys (and be hungrier than I should be when I get home, which is definitely not any way to change habits, eat smaller portions, or drop some weight... and just when I am starting my oatmeal kick again (eating oatmeal at work) as a way of getting myself in the habit of eating at least two meals a day (I've gotten so used to eating just one for a lot of reasons) and therein reducing the quantity of food I consume at a single meal... sure is logical, huh?...

I mean, I believe that eating several small meal/snacks a day is the healthiest way to maintain a human body (and science seems to corroborate my belief), but time just doesn't seem organized enough (and who's gonna organize it if not me?... shhhh, there's only so much self-directed logic I will accept on some issues at the moment... I am in a self-destructive phase, remember?)...

I play with my head way too much don't I?...

and the peanut gallery in my mind giggle and roll around like the cartoon characters they are becuase they're all just too tickled when my awareness steps up and kicks me in the mental behind... it really does seem to much easier to live in denial while living in denial, dudnit?...

sometimes I wish I didn't know no different...

so anyway, this entry was supposed to be another mind dump as I empty the scrubbles files (and mostly all that's left there are links to sites, many of which require re-visitation to figure out why I cut and pastd their addresses into the scribble files and some I never even visted cuz they're addresses of saved links that I didn't have time to check out when I visted the page that listed them as a link so... shall we dance?)...

I am wondering if candor at myspace is me... I mean, it's my name, candor (not candor at myspace... that would be a rather odd name... I mean, you know anybody with a middles name of at, after all?... many of you have already read the explanation for the extra o in this diary name... simply, somebody (who shall remain nameless) already signed up at DLand with my name when I got here... that happens a lot, actually, since my name is also a word that some people want to emulate... but anyway, candor at diaryland is not me, it's a fellow about a hundred miles from here who stole my name...

the blighter...

and so I decided I would take all the others... that is, I signed up for candor a, candor b, candor c, candor d, and so on... I only used candora so far (I think), but I have big plans for the others, I'm sure... filed away in some lost scribble file, no doubt...

anyway, pining for lost love and could think of nothing more than falling in love again when I started out here at DLand all those years ago (moving from Live Journal where candor at LJ is me simply because I preferred the format of single page entry to the multiple entries on a page and due to time and computer limitations) and decided to bring the daily ramblings over here because it was easier for the limited computers I've used than negotiating with a completely different server and software...

I probably have more clever reasons for choosing to slip an extra o into my name for the name of this diary, but this is nonetheless true and I forgot how I even came to babble on about it...

oh yeah, candor at my space...

it is me, it is me (shows you how often I am paying attention to the address of my profile)... so this is it, it's official, I am on myspace... yes, candor at myspace is me... now you can add me as a friend if you're on myspace too... if I had more memory (I mean my computer, yeah) and could handle graphics and audio and video better, I'd probably explore myspace a whole lot more, but I'm technologically disabled so I visit only when I'm feeling brave and ready to crash and reboot and lose all the passwords and settles for the browser (sucks, but that's Microsoft... unfortunately, it's probably mostly memory cuz it happens with Firefox 1.5 too)...

anyway, while at myspace I put qclark into my scribble file along with: (song "Let Go" by Frou Frou - voice) and I am guessing I liked the sound, or at least the voice, enough to want to remember... and after rechecking just now I'm sure glad I included the song because the profile is locked up so I'll go hunting down the song one of these days...

which may be why I had what looks like a music link next (will I find time to visit and elaborate further as I've been planning to with the last few entries or shall I just plod forward through the scribbles and ramble on without looking back as I usually do?... ah, the suspense)...

another myspace link in my scribbles file is Ryan, who seems to be a girl magnet... his page is almost a sure crash for my whimpy computer, but his commenters leave him some seriously funny pictures... I just want to know onw thing, can you get a ticket for driving that Bug? (go look if you don't mind xxx rated amusement... you've got to scroll down a bit through comments)...

then there's a page on some sort of healthy site (or so the address leads me to believe) and I'm not sure just what is on the page, but if you like it let me know... maybe it's something I wanted to save to motivate me to remember I am not dead and still have a few years left to breathe...

madagnes and Adrienne Jones (aka bornearly is all about music cuz she and her group are musicians and I finally (after being too poor for a few years) bought all their CDs (worked out great cuz it coincided with her birthday) and if you enjoy folk music, you'll love her (and them)... listening took me back to all the festivals I spent much time attending as a younger child when Joni mitchell and Judy Collins and Melanie and others were enchanting me with their songs and voices...

we should listen to the farmer...

really, we should...

but apparently we can not listen to the farmer anymore because, as you know if you clicked on the farmer link, the blog is gone... alas, people come and go so fast around here...

I really should visit Terri more often (I mean, what with people suddenly disappearing into thin cyberspace and all)... though I'd much rather meet her when I am awake and alive again (as opposed to sleepwriting and mostly dead) because every time I stop by she slaps me good... I mean, look:

My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement.

~~ Patricia (Meg Ryan) from Joe Vs The Volcano

her father is so right...

and every time I visit Jane I think of Wuthering Heights and other old movies (for reasons my brain know are much deeper than her name, but I enjoy laughing at myself as I don't tell myself... makes sense to me)... if you want good words, I mean really good reading, then Jane is your girl...

Ana amuses me... and she is a dinosaur... a Diaryland Dinosaur, that is... just like Uncle Bob, who used to be much funnier when he listed his whole army on his site... I don't think I was ever drafted into Uncle Bob's Army... I'm trying to be ok with that...

I know, that was unnecessarily snarky... maybe I'll apologize when I wake up... or maybe I'll just laugh some more and get snarkier... I'm certainly not the snarkiest one around... and we all snark in good fun, right?...

lock all your doors, bolt all your windows, we traced the call - it's coming from inside the house IE7!...

on a sad end of an era note [STOP] a farewell note [STOP] Western Union is going out of the telegram business [STOP]

meanwhile, I had an itchy finger impulse to make the rounds of the DLand elite... yes, that dinosaur ring must have gotten through my nose and dragged me along it's exlusive trail... I can not promise you that every single mention along this trail is an actually DLand elite (there, an escape clause for the modest among you, happy now?), but we start off with LA (a note to follow SO, in some songs) and draw right up next to cosmiccrayola who leads me back to the new and improved (still the same silly walk) golfwidow (who reminds me that the true elite of the first wave of DLanders have left for other sites or their own domains, but then, they count too even if they're gone and on hiatus from where they've gone to like Bobby...

wait, I've only just begun to gratuitously suck up...

a whoop for luvabeans (who was immortalized in my own mind with a 200 Things right here behind the candor) trancejen (who defines popularity as she approaches one million visitors and deserves each and every one and not just cuz I have some trancejen CDs from three or four or more years ago and I love anyone who has a hand in making music to my ears)...

looking at the list of dinosaurs, I see weetabix is on it... weeta has been amusing me since my first days here at DLand (before I opened behind the candoor even, when candora was doing all the browsing and noting and such, in fact, have you visited candora's favorites lately?... I've explained before that when candora's favs list filled up I started filling up candoor and now I have a few others because candoor's favs list is almost full, in case anybody couldn't sleep nights wondering about that)... and then there is smoog, who has one of the most fun perspectives and writing styles I've read out here in cyber space...

I'll have more to say in the next update... until then, remember to check out the previous entries that you did not read yet (you know you wanna)...

there I was cruising right along the links to the elite when Explorer crashed at the kernal and poof, all the windows are gone, all the history is gone, everything starts all over again...

maybe next time...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)