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2003-12-24 - 9:02 p.m. merry happy and if I did not have to work tonight, oh what stories I might write... candora is most excited about finding the lost disk (which just might beget another new website or at least a new diary called loststories or something like that, but the artist inside is screaming at me about even considering another new place before I learns something more about design so I can give it more esthetic flair or something like that too... if only the likes of one of these or any of a dozen others would fall in love with me or at least with some of my words enough to want to steal them and present them to the world in some more clever format that would give readers the impression that they are more worth reading - what, you don't judge a book by it's cover?... you gonna buy a book covered in bullshit?... excuse me for my cynicism, it's Xmas eve, after all, and I must rush out to work, so I am entitled to be as cynical and also as unrealistic in my dreams as I'd like tonight - and then many would flock to the words and unto them they would bestow gifts of adoration and frolick amidst scantily clad nubiles and comforts... are you wise enough to see through the sarcasm?... where did this parentheses begin, anyway?)... but here am I sitting in this tin can with my imaginary six string orchestra and turning the hands back on the clock in my soul just for a moment to remember and feel again... so many words that might be poetry presented in a more sparse esthetic format are lost in the babbles of rhetorical questions and self-pathetic blurs that might have once been dreams but now share the clarity of a muddy river flooding a ghost town... and it could be so much worse, for now I am off the watch over dozens of children not wondering if there is a Santa Clause or if anyone might be out there to save them, but wondering if anyone at all ever did or will ever care about them, children who dwell in hopelessness and despair and anger and fear, children who will be spending their Xmas locked behind the doors of a cold psych ward... my gift is to inspire a few smiles and be blessed by a few desperately frightened hugs and maybe feel just a small fraction of their pain relieved by my presence... that I can be worth so much to another human being is my small power and glory and place in the grand scheme of things tonight... such a gift, such feeling, at least, is what I wish for all of you... merry happy.
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