this might sound strange, even to psychological researchers (anybody looking for a doctoral theses on memory functions?), but I'll propose this hypothesis based on my personal experience and years of study of the human brain (my own)...

it has been so long since I had time to catch up on sleep and let my mind wake up fully refreshed (no less the body)... this effects my memory in various ways, mostly just shutting it down... I can manage on next to no sleep by reducing the energy given to the transition process between short term to long term memory... I often give no energy to intermediate memory so everything is dumped into long term memory as it happens...

it's like this (I'll try to stay serious):

I look at something (entering it into short term memory) and then toss it in the big box (long term memory) without studying it (intermediate memory)... what imprints itself enough in the short term memory then becomes long term memory and what does not becomes a vague recollection (subconscious memory) or perhaps forgotten (unconscious memory)... I then reduce my conscious awareness because it takes more energy than this body (including the physical organ we call the brain) can recover on the minimal rest I give it... this decision fit in perfectly with the healing process my brain required in recent years... and with accepting (and functioning within) the dramatically reduced free time that comes of living a full time working life (as that I've known in recent years) compared with the free time afforded to an independently wealthy life (that I've known in the past)...

there are great benefits to this hypothesis that I accept as the way it is in my head... my favorite benefit is the sense of freedom that living in the moment brings... also that I can do it (live and be completely in the moment) without any distraction or interference from past baggage (and I've got plenty stored away in big mental boxes)... and another benefit is that I can absorb a lot of information quickly and easily...

however it does have it's drawbacks...

the limited time for free play and digestion of information and organization of mental storage is stressful under the surface and reduces the time I can give to myself to rest and relax and digest and explore my creativity and grow freely and that, in the long run, will probably reduce the number of years I can keep this body alive...

one drawback shows itself here in my communications online... I browse around and respond to the moment while I store memory of the momentary experiences at a subconscious level... this allows a lot more to be stored and yet, because it is stored so quickly it appears (to me) that I forget to maintain continuity in my mental process... this allows for the free association babbling I do and yet, it makes for relatively random communications... it might drive those who need continuity in feedback and contact crazy (or just away)... still, for me, it doesn't much matter if the last time we talked was five minutes ago or five years ago, my mind usually picks right where we left off simply by keeping the intermediate memory clear...

now given this fact about the way my mind/memory works, it may appear, on the surface, to be a contradiction to suggest that I never let go of anything positive... that love, when i feel it, becomes a permanent memory (perhaps my heart has a permanent memory of it's own)... it is a sense-memory, a memory of feeling that does not change or go away... it doesn't even diminish (I just learn to live with it if it does not work out and can not long be shared... and I believe that makes my love and what I can share all the more powerful... which may be why I am alone and so often told, by those who've shared intimacy with me, that I am too intense, but that might be another entry for another time, or even another diary, huh?)...

this is the reality of this life as I know it... I am a pack rat who lives in the moment (an living breathing walking talking dichotomy (or oxymoron?... hey, who I'm calling a moron?)...

of course this is just the illusion I call my reality...

it's all illusion, after all (just paint your target around where your arrow lands if hitting the bullseye is that important to you, but remember that what really matters is that you pull back your bow and let your arrows fly)... now you know...

(silly mortal)...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)