too much sleep, if that's possible... I think it is possible when sleep patterns are not consistent and there's a long term build up of lack of sleep... I'm no sleep expert though, so I may be completely wrong... or just a little wrong, even... but in any case, I am over-groggy (that is, not the usually grogginess)... maybe it's a new drug my brain created for my mind to play with...

so here we are... in spite of the sadness of some of the memories (and the odd grogginess), there is much growing excitement and rejoicing and general bouncing around about the fact that I am I am listening to music more often again... it's a sonic jubilation, ya know?...

yes, it is time to put a link to the music stacks on the left there... so we can always see just what is playing in my headphones at any given time... much randomness and experimentation and exploration shall be on those lists, that's for sure... and I welcome your suggestions too... I wish we could be sharing music... and as usual, thoughts flow along the one track mind part of my psyche to dreaming of the one...

ah, and who can truly bring that song to life (me me, pick me)... the music does not have to be coming through my ears to be heard in my head, for there is a constant soundtrack in my mind that has kept me alive when all else has failed... even in silence the singer must sing... so Josh Groban sings Neil Sedaka?... or wake me up inside (the essence of smoke is evanescence)... and make it real... old songs, new songs, borrowed songs, songs of every color in the rainbow and then beyond (yes, yes, yes... yeah, yeah, yeah)... let me be saved by the music once again...

it's much better than the noise from the workmen outside... yes, it is seven months since the last Hurricane passed through, seven weeks since they moved us into this supposedly completed building, and they still have not repaired everything in this apartment community... in fact, I'd say they're maybe half done... the part that irks us is that they moved us into a new apartment in a building they said was completed... and here we've been for seven weeks and they are still working on the building... it looked finished when we moved in, but then they tore down the facade and have been noisy several days a week since the first week we moved in... once I had a website praising this place... it was one of the best places to live on the east side of Orlando... now I strongly recommend anyone looking for a place to live look anywhere but here...

it's not so much the hurricane damage or the reconstruction... it's the management lies and lack of consideration or professionalism... I was moved to write a couple of reviews on apartment websites and I thought I linked the first one, but I didn't find it in a review of the past month and a half since we've been here, so maybe I didn't... anyway, I'll see if I can't find the first, but the second can be found here...

it's actually kinder than the first review I wrote the first week they moved us into this supposedly finished building and I was awaked by jackhammers a foot or two from my head... but is there a better place near here that is any closer to being completely over the hurricanes?... dunno, and I'm too lazy to search, but I do know for sure that there are more than a few communities that are way behind and some that haven't even started major repairs yet... so that's why we stay, ultimately... in spite of the management, the place is better than most...

sometimes I feel quite bipolar...

shifting gears (remembering the previous entry and those like them), sometimes I feel pathetic, being so devoted to the feelings inside of me... but then, that's more cultural pressure than my true feelings about how I experience emotions... I live my love in the moment and each moment is forever... and when I share my love unconditionally and trust unconditionally and intimately, it remains part of me forever even if the one sharing goes away... so in these times of life when I am alone, without a partner sharing the unconditional intimacy of love, I can spend time remembering what it felt like because it still feels the same... what was the line, something like "the love, you take it with you" (name the film?)...

oh, my love, my darling... I hunger for your touch... Melissa Etheridge always brings the hunger for the touch back... which might be further proof that I am a lesbian trapped in a male body, but that may not be the point I was coming to (or running from?)... have you explored the polarities of the lovewarp?...

the partings and end of the physical intimacies does not end the feelings and it takes time to heal if the ends were not mutually wanted or beneficial... such sweet sorrow, much better to have loved... the earliest loves and partings are easiest to write about because the healing is complete (enough)... there is nothing but joy and beautiful feelings to to feel, even though there is more to remember... the more recent loves still have some healing to go through, so there is less writing... and I ruminate over my personal history a lot because, well, I am alone a lot and it's the only history I know personally and completely from start to now...

wanna tell me yours?...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)