LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


JOIN OR RE-REGISTER NOW

welcome blogmadians... and the rest of you, while still in beta, you can still join the latest greatest party on the web, blogmad!

SUPPORT BLOGMAD! BUY STUFF



o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-06-18 - 5:27 p.m.

and on another night I pondered


this entry is for friends and the die-hard fans of candoor as we peel away something and shine a bit of light on the goings-on behind the candoor in the offline world... ordinarily this would be fodder for a briefer posting in the RealTime blog, but as I feel a bit of ramble coming on and that blog is meant to be brief, I come here to pour the life in black and white out again so you might have, should you care to, another look at my more personal bits...

you may be wondering what happened to me as I've hardly been online at all in recent weeks and have neglected my blogMad chat friends and my diaryland buddies and hardly visit the onion personals site blog anymore... well, if you are coming from there I do miss you and it's not that I love you any less, it's just that I've allowed the offline world to take over most of my time and the writing I was doing at work (until tonight) was supplanted by actual work as I went ahead with a few paper projects I proposed for the hospital...

at home, the mundane fills the life in black and white lately what with Precious on summer break and having nothing much to do this summer but wait for someone to offer her rides (not exactly sure why she's chosen not to get her learner's permit and drive for the past year and a half as all her friends not only did, but a few have cars of their own already... but I think it has something to do with a squirrel... poor thing) and ask for money... she has applied for a job or few, but a bit too late and too selectively and only half-heartedly I think... I suppose it's not easy to leave the comfort zone of having everything done for you, but I sure hope she takes more initiative next year when she's off to college... she isn't the first to extend a completely dependent childhood as far as it'll go, but in so many ways she's stubbornly independent too that somewhere inside of her she must be itching to cure the boredom that comes with total dependence...

besides, she's cute and cuddly and fun to be around...

so blaming her for my lack of babbling on in my written gardens is easy and fun and I'm sure gonna miss her when she finally does step out of the nest, so I'll enjoy what might be the last summer with her as a kid and alas, leave you dear readers fewer words... I miss you too, lots, and hopefully the reduction in comments is a sign that you too have busy summers that you are enjoying...

just in case you are sitting around mopping over feeling lonely cuz you don't have much going on this summer... deep breath... I feel that too... I mean, after all, it's not as if I have much going on myself... living vicariously through Precious and her friends is fun, but hardly satisfies the hunger for sharing more intimacy and passion so I am lonely and the intimate parts of my heart remain numbly bored... love for family, love for work, love for professional bonding and the emotional intimacy of the work I do helps a lot, but still I don't fool myself into forgetting the romance and true love bonding I live for...

the feeling of being a pathetic loser with no life washes over me like a slimy chicken gravy bath more often than I want to acknowledge or express, so for what it's worth, you are not alone if you happen to find yourself feeling something similar too...

of course I know I made my own bed, tiny and broken as it is, and I occasionally actually lay down in it to sleep even... I made some dang fool choices in mates in this life and still lick the wounds from time to time (and pretend to enjoy those gravy baths as the pity party continues on some level and will, if just to prove I am still alive inside, until the next time I fall in love and share it in real time in the physical world)... I don't pretend that complete healing and certainty that I can actualize unconditional trust again can happen until I actually do it...

my heart is a big dumb loyal puppy that can be adopted by virtually anyone but will never give up on those who have adopted it in the past... so the whole of my experience travels with me as the foundation for the next emotional mansion, even as I can still step off into the moment and let everything go (among my many mental skills and clever tricks {I can sit, lay down, roll over, even beg}, I am practiced at temporary dementia as the infant inside, nurtured by the child inside, is alive and well and living on a cloud not far from cloud nine)...

and with tongue in cheek and sincere tear in eye I ask from time to time, and quite rhetorically at that, if I should worry about being a spring baby or continue seeking enlightenment without worry?... I prefer the second task, and yet, as I live and breathe, I believe that searching for something that already exists in my head is an act of desperation to find sharing and fend off loneliness bought in a five and ten cent store (or dollar store, counting for inflation), so the seeking I do is through memory and that hopefully radiates outwardly in all directions as being expansive is the goal of the moment (life too) and centered is the goal of all time (now too)...

and suicide is so much the opposite of all that...

so as an aside, in my continuing semi-conscious effort to get into the Guinness Book for the most convoluted abstract and ridiculous (car) mixed-metaphors, I continue rambling along in words and in life with all the conviction of the Mad Magazine kid (Alfred E Neuman) I smile my best "What Me Worry? smile and join Charlie Brown in a game of kickoff, trusting the that the next Lucy might not pull the rug out from under my feet...

meanwhile, I have so little free time to myself that anyone outside of my head (or selected entries with paragraphs like the ones above) might think everything is perfectly satisfactory in my world as I indulge the wasted child the TV and drug generation with the vast emptiness that is television programming and accept the distractions of music (that's the really fun part) and interactive time with roommates...

I also spent something like ten hours studying baseball statistics and rearranging my sixteen fantasy baseball teams (as if I can take any of them really seriously when I have so many) and I inadvertently joined a fantasy football draft that apparently would not let me out even after the computer at Yahoo put up the "your team has been deleted" screen so I have a ridiculously poorly drafted team that I have no intention of playing because I deleted the team because the commissioner of the league was changing things too much and as if to prove my instinct right, he continued changing things after the draft to benefit himself and his friends who were there...

sad sign of how winning is so everything for some people that cheating is acceptable... I don't understand what satisfaction anyone can get from winning a game they rigged in their favor... anyway, it was Rasputin's idea to join a football draft and sure enough he bailed out but my team got stuck in that league because I followed through on his idea... such a team player and good friend I am, aye?...

perhaps this aspect of the life in black and white behind the candoor these days is what prompted the introspective pondering of personal responsibility for one's circumstances in life... at least I think that's what I was doing in this entry... there are so many loose ends scribbles into so many files and it's been weeks since I spent time gathering the strings of words and putting entries together, so my thoughts are scattered on the winds of chance and external influences more than usual... I include this bit of information for those few of you who actually read and care about me...

something in the way she moves...

yes, it's so easy to fall in love, but it takes two, ba-aby, it takes two... so as I go slipsliding away into song lyrics now, I leave you with the positive thought that you are not alone... here, right before you, just a telephone call away, is a happy-go-lucky child skating through life with one foot in the grave and the other on cloud nine (not to mention a head in oblivion)... and right next to that idiot savant is a pathetically depressed old geyser spouting off about life and love and everything as if he really knows something about the makings of a universe and humanity and spiritual stuff...

take your pick...

though those who choose the pity party, pompous or pathetic, need to be warned that the child might fart or do something ridiculous at any time in order to fly away to cloud nine and have some fun, even if it's just in my mind... the blues are profound songs to sing and I love a great emotional catharsis, but after all is said and done I'll be laughing at myself for the pathos from the security of my true self, often disembodied, that's bouncing around in the light above the clouds waiting for another playmate to come along...

and there, for tonight, is your visit with the madman on the other side of the wall...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
RSS?



who links here
blogwise
Blogarama
Globe of Blogs
blogthings

~ BLOGLINKERS ~




~ BLOGROLLING ~
(Blogroll RSS)


Blogroll Me!

published
blogadvance
blogazoo
blogexplosion
blogmad?
bloglines



(PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS)
TSUNAMI INFO
fantasy sports?
BLOGGIES?
sorry everybody
Orange Blossom Music Festival

Deland Music Festival
MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays
FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
talking dog






SAY HELLO
407-325-1482





and if you want to leave
take good care
hope you make a lot
of true friends out there