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something awful
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odd todd
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PO BOX 780398
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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2004-05-02 - 11:29 a.m.

lazy days...


I've been sitting around goofing off, munching cereal and browsing fantasy baseball and watching TV and munching chips and drinking coke and talking baseball with Rasputin and listening to Precious talk about stuff and watching the wheels...

it rained last night... there I was, finishing up the previous entry and leaving myself an hour for the gym and I head over there like a good boy and the door is locked... they are refishing the floors... I mean refinishing... so I grumble at the universe and it grumbles back with thunder and lightening and rain... so I come home and make some meat balls and spaghetti (using the extra lean 4% meat I bought the other day) and I fried up onions cuz the extra lean meat would make dry meatballs without some extra moisture added and I love fried onions... they were still seriously meaty (I had no bread crumbs, so I used ground-up stuffing), but I am trying to cut back on the oils and fats, so they came out thew way I intended them to... one of my rare red meat meals (actually, several meals as I made enough to freeze five portions)... yes, I cleaned the kitchen first... felt good to cook...

so the night passed rather aimlessly, watching TV without really watching (I don't remember what was on) and setting up the fantasy baseball leagues for the week, but as morning came around I could have motivated myself out for a run (since the gym will be closed today again), but instead I watched Matrix: Reloaded for the first time (yeah, my few friends were not into seeing it when if first came out and I didn't feel like going to the theatre by myself... when movies were cheaper I went by myself, but with prices as high as they've gotten for movies (and movie snacks), lots of films fell into that category this year... good excuse to save money and use the time for something else... anyway, I didn't dislike the second Matrix as much as most people seemed to (what with the poor reviews and all, if I remember correctly, but then, I love the concept and can be very forgiving when I am already sold on a story cuz I use my imagination... or maybe it uses me... either way, everything is more fun {cuz anything is possible} in the imagine nation)...

one thing I did accomplish was finally transferring everything (I think) of value from the old laptop on to Zip disks... someday I will find time to read through all the ZIp disks containing all the rambles from the last seven years (and the CD containing much of the writings from the mid to early nineties)... the writings from before 1993 are up in that storage place in northern New York State, some on an Atari 1040ST (anybody remember those... they were Commodore Amiga's competition just before IBM ATs and clones became popular... they were so much better than Windows long before Windows ever came around, but they didn't have Bill Gates and company selling them so they passed into old computer heaven while we passed into MS computer hell... I know, buy a Mac... I should have when cost was not a consideration... should haves are such a waste of time, but then, that's the weekend, leisurely passing the time doing next to nothing)... it might interest (or scare) you to know that I used to write a whole lot more on a daily basis than I do now... I wonder sometimes if it was just as banal (well, maybe it isn't all blah blah, blah?)...

so one thing I found is my song lists from 1997, 98, 99, and 2000... the pathetically limited selection of music I had to choose from during those years consisted of primarily what gets played on the radio... still, even with an extremely limited selection of radio-played music, what rises to the top reflects where my head (and heart and soul and body and so on) was at the time, so maybe one of these days I'll transcribe the info over here for your perusal... more insight into the madness within my mind and life, just what you needed, huh?)... those were seriously intense years of traumatic crisis, dying inside, saying farewell to everything that ever mattered, embracing existentialism and a peaceful detachment from this life as never before... so Angel, I Will Remember You, Adia, Building a Mystery (and others by Sarah Maclaghlin), Foolish Games, Hands, You Were Meant For Me, Who Will Save Your Soul (and others by Jewel), Iris (Goo Goo Dolls), Bent, Push (and others by Matchbox 20), Frozen, Skin, The Power of Goodbye (and others by Madonna), Don't Speak (and others by No Doubt), Uninvited, Jagged Little Pill, You Oughta Know (and others by Alanis Morrisette), Torn (and others by Natalie Umbruglio), Honest, Fatherless at 14, The Second Day (and others by Kendall Payne), The Difference, One Headlight (and others by The Wallflowers), If You Could Only See (Tonic), To Mother You (Sinead O'Conner), Hole in My Soul, Crazy, Don't Want to Miss a Thing (and others by Aerosmith), The Other Side (Red Hot Chili Peppers), Don't Go Away (Oasis), Nada, Clumsy (and others by Our Lady Peace), You're Gone (Diamond Rio), Victim, I Will Buy You A New Life (and others by Everclear), Don't Laugh At Me (Mark Wells), Driftin' Away, The Dance, It Don't Matter to the Moon, To Make You Feel My Love (and others by Garth Brooks), I Will Die For You (Garbage), Paranoid Android (and others by Radiohead), Quit Playing Games (Backstreet Boys), Roads, Glory Box, Sour Times (and others by Portishead), It Matters To Me (Faith Hill), Surrounded (Chantal Kreviazuk), I Still Believe In You (Vince Gill), You're Still The One (Shania Twain), As Is (Ani DiFranco), Broken Wing (Martina McBride), That's Why I'm Here (Kenny Chesney), My Heart Will Go On< (Celine Dion), Turn My Head, Lightening Strikes (Live), and older stuff haunting me like Gesthemene (AL Webber/Time Rice from JC Superstar), Another Blow on the Bruise, If I Die, I Die, Each Man Kills The Thing He Loves (and much more Gavin Friday), Landslide, Crystal, Gold Dust Woman, Beautiful Child (and other old Stevi Nicks), I Want What I Want (Tool), Honesty, An Innocent Man, And So It Goes (and other old Billy Joel), Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough (and other old Patty Smyth, Back To You, Everything I Do (Bryan Adams), I've Learned To Live (and other old Tanya Tucker, Nothing Else Matters (and other Metallica), Enjoy The Silence (and others by Depeche Mode), Runaway Train (and other Soul Asylum), Criminal (and others by Fiona Apple), Wasted Time (and other old Eagles), The Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove (and others by Dead Can Dance), Precious Pain and many others by Melissa Etheridge, The Late Show, Waiting For You (and others by Jackson Browne, So Sad, It's Me That You Need, I Believe In Love, The One, Need You To Turn To (and others by Elton John), First Of May, Lonely Days, Run To Me (and others by The BeeGees), Losing My Religion (and others by REM), Nobody Knows (The Tony Rich Project), Listen (Collective Soul), Beautiful Sadness (Jane Oliver), and Harry Chapin and Dan Fogelberg and NIN and Patti Dahlstrom and Lori Leiberman and Lori Carson and John Denver and Amy Skye and Pink Floyd and The Beatles and Dream Theatre and The Moody Blues and Lenny Kravitz and Stevie Wonder and Barenaked Ladies and The Waterboys and David Bowie and Lou Reed and Bruce Springsteen and The Pretenders and Jim Croche and Queen and Gary Morris and Toad the Wet Sprocket and The Rolling Stones and Kansas and The Doors and The Cranberries and The Who and Pennywise and Pat Benatar and Carole King and Neil Young and 4 Non Blondes and Mike & the Mechanics and Steely Dan and Bob Seeger and Richard Marx and Amy Grant and Stabbing Westward and Blue Rodeo and Lisa Loeb and Pearl Jam and Candlebox and Blink 182 and Queensryche and Train and Therapy? and Paul Simon and Katatonia and The Virgin Prunes and Jen Chapin and Bonnie Tyler and Rumblefish and Soundgarten and Alice in Chains and K's Choice and Alison Krauss and Bob Dylan and World Party and The The and Tom Waits and Kate Bush and Melanie and David Courtney and The Telling and The Black Crowes and Blues Traveler and Silverchair and Cake and Offspring and Seal and Hole and Life of Agony and Nick Cave and Limp Bizkit and Tom petty and Life of Agony and Neil Diamond and Green Day and Simple Minds and Tears for Fears and Marilyn Manson and and Air Supply and Alice Cooper and Journey and and Frank Zappa and Hall and Oats and The Verve and Barry Manilow and Fear Factory and The Kinks and Lit and The Hollies and Faith No More and Rush and Blur and Poe and Barbara Streisand and Morrissey and Counting Crows and Henry Rollins and 3 Doors Down and Third Eye Blind and Cat Stevens and Nirvana and Heart and Supertramp and The Cure and The Four Seasons and My Dying Bride and The Beach Boys and The Call and Within Temptation and Linda Ronstadt and Vertican Horizon and After Forever and Genesis and The Gathering and Beautiful South and Lacuna Coil and Jimmie Eat World and Hootie and the Blowfish and Fleetwood Mac and Opeth and Elvis and Staind and James Taylor and Skeeter Davis and Jay & the Americans and (you know, this could go on forever {wake up}, but to save your soul I just remembered there's a list of many of the songs that influenced and/or inspired journal entries back in those dark days at the end of the last milennium and you can find that list here or here for laptops} and may the force {and schwartz} be with you)...

so what else is new (or old)?...

much of The Fifth Element was on in the background all through the last paragraph and now I want to fall in love again (that's certainly not new)... it's the alien innocence of the character most of all, as Milla Jovovich is adorable, but in the second tier of pure libido fantasies, so this is not just a sexual-sensual turn on superficial wanna fall in love kind of feeling... it's the child inside wanting to re-discover love... I wanna know what love is... la la...

the biggest buzz around casa de candoor this weekend and probably into the week is the final episode of Friends, since Precious is a Friends fanatic... the ET special just went on, again, so the bubbling over excitement that only a fanatic can exude is exuding all over the room... it was fun to be young... la la...

I really should get some sleep soon, since I've been awake all night and this entry has been going on (on and off) for about four hours now so I'm due at work in a little more than seven hours and I'll fall asleep reading my book if I go to work too tired... this entry may have been another aimless meandering but it did provide some insights into my journey through the dark side of the moon (and out again?... there's always hope, right?)... did I leave Survivor off that list above?... I am one, I think (excuse me while I wander off checking my pulse)...

have fun out there!






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