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TO READ and EXPLORE)

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common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
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odd todd
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the onion
god checker
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post secret
webby awards
meetup
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ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


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PO BOX 780398
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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-09-22 - 7:01 p.m.

things you never really wanted to know about laundry and stuff


I never knew I had so many articles of clothing (somehow so much clothes just didn't sound right and neither did so many clothes, but it could just be a faulty memory cell in my grammatical cortex or something)... I didn't quite count how many loads of laundry I fit into the Kenmore Series 70 Heavy Duty washer, but I'd guess at least a dozen...

I should count the hangers in my closet... I hang up all my shirts, including T-Shirts... I have a lot of shirts, mostly T-Shirts... hundreds, at least... so one load of underwear... one load of socks and house shorts (boxers, basically)... one load of pants... two loads of towels... one of bedding... and then, the shirts... at least six loads of shirts, probably more... I should probably do laundry more often...

and then, Serenity...

I could easily fall in love with the idea and a few of the characters personalities (I'll let you figure out just which ones)... of course on a pure lust attraction fall, the bodies on Eureka (two in particular) win out (which may be a sign that I am finally getting over libido's lifelong fixation with jailbait {and we could include the corroborating evidence of Dia, who will shortly no longer even be a teenager), but let's not jump to too many conclusions cuz there is still something quite magical about seventeen...

I know, I am just such a tease... so bad, it's amusing... or shocking, depending on your perspective or moral fibers or constitution or something like that)...

no wonder I relate to the lead character in Total Recall so well... you'll just have to remember or see the film to follow that tangent I suppose... ah yes, these meandering babbles through this thing in my head (they call it brain) can be so much fun (for me at least, but then, I am easy to please... any dream will do, after all... like Joseph said... or as Billy put it, sometimes a fantasy is all I need)...

of course the key word there is sometimes...

but before we queue up the old country and do wop lonely boy songs or start hearing whippoorwills, let's see what else we can stir up in that brain thing I supposedly have hiding between my ears... Pinky would be pleased... and suddenly I am seeing that delightful little product of advanced shock treatment, Batty from Ferngully, flying around... and not to lead into a faery fantasy either... goodness, can't you ever get your mind out of the gutter?)...

yes, it is much fun in my head...

and off goes the TV, finally... I just noticed that the July page of my calendar is still up on the wall... shows how often I look at it... I'll just have to skip right past the August page (and photo) and come to think of it, the September page (and photo) as well and set it straight on to October... time sure does fly when I'm having fun...

so what are you doing for Halloween?...

I have no idea what I am doing... one year I bloodied myself up good, made up my face zombie style, electrified my hair, put on a straight jacket, and wandered around downtown in ragged pajama bottoms and hospital slippers... I was invited into all the best clubs and parties and offered all kinds of medicinal cures... and even people who knew me never knew who I was (shhhh, don't tell them, they may still be wondering who the crazed zombie was back on that Halloween night in 1993... or was that 1994?... I know it wasn't 1995 cuz by then I was taking the kinds around Mississauga and Etobicoke gathering candy and bits of flesh)...

it really was no miracle, what happened was just this...

suddenly, I am growing tired...



probably cuz it's approaching morning...

and it's time to get a load of towels out of the dryer and put another load of towels in... I save towels for last because the dryer is not a 79 Series Heavy Duty or even a Heavy Duty, it's a basic Kenmore, good, but takes about had the load of the washer which always means either the clothes take a very long time to dry or half the load sits on a chair waiting for the first half of the load to dry... to I alternate loads between high priority dryer loads (shirts, pants) and low priority dryer loads (underwear, socks/house shorts, towels) and ultimately towels get laid flat over a chair until all the loads have dried and then they get started...

have I fascinated you with scintillating laundry talk enough yet?... I know it is all just too stimulating for words, but at least I haven't discussed the various articles of clothing and temperature and load settings in detail, so you shouldn't have wet yourself yet... I mean, unless you've got a really sensitive imagination and then, well, I could have been talking about the price of eggs in China or the average length and girth of this year's banana crop or anything and you'll have gone all woozy in the oozy zones...

yes, I know I have a way with words... it's a gift, or so I've been told... personally, I think they were just being sarcastic, but I humored them so they could be even more amused by my ridiculously adaptable ego... any throne will do, after all... or in a pinch, a pedestal, even... just be careful as you bow down and get all prostate that I am not sneaking up behind you and lifting your skirt so I can amaze you later by telling you what color underwear you have on as if I have x-ray vision...

ah, don't look now, now you just may be thinking of me the next time you feel a cool breeze up your skirt... I'd wear pants for the next few days if I were you... especially if you like to go commando...

I haven't written nearly as much as I thought I might today... mostly that is because I was doing a lot more cleaning than just laundry... I have three more big bags of paper garbage and have emptied the last of the cardboard boxes and more plastic storage containers and I believe all I have left are the plastic storage containers that are actually storing stuff meant to be stored, as opposed to stuff meant to be unpacked...

it's a good feeling, to discard the unimportant papers and stuff of yesterday, unpack, and move in... while there are still not enough shelves for the books, CDs, DVDs, and assorted other stuff, at least they are out of boxes and only the meaningful remains...

now about those hundred of cardboard boxes in storage...

I wonder how many people would have spent $1680 a year for more than ten years to store stuff that they haven't even seen in seven years... the things we do for love, aye?... for the love of books and music and toys and memories and the potential they hold, at least...

maybe you just have to be there...

the alarm on my cell phone just went off... that means it's almost 7am... but is it 7am really?... I mean, is tonight the night the clocks change, fall back an hour and all?... I mean, does anybody really know what time it is?... does anybody really care at all?... big brother might, but not necessarily for the right reasons... but then, what is right, really?... does anybody really know what's right?... does anybody really care at all?...

see, the alarm on my cell is set to go off to wake me for work (though much of the time I sleep through the first alarm and wake for the second alarm, which is closer to 8am... there's a third alarm at about 8:30am for when I am really tired... for some reason Sunday has four alarms, but I am not exactly sure why...

so I stayed awake all night doing laundry and cleaning and glancing at the TV from time to time (after being awake since about 10am doing much the same thing)...

and there's my new watch beeping...

I bought a new watch, did I tell you?... it's a chronometer with a 50 memory... I'm not sure if that's fifty laps or fifty times (with multiple laps in each times)... it's rather complicated... it's instructions unfold like a big highway map and have very tiny writing on it in columns of something like eight different languages... I was amused as I unfolded it, glanced through it, and set it aside figuring I'll figure the watch out piece by piece as I want one of it's features to work...

apparently I set the alarm... twice, at least... I mean, it rang twice already... must have done it one of the times I left my phone at work and was too lazy to get out of the big green chair to go to bed where there's a little alarm clock (though it isn't set for anything right now because the power went out and it's some hours off)...

I don't look at clocks much...

anyway, I still have towels to dry and fold... though I should get some sleep... but when I wake up I might not be in a towel-folding cleaning mood and then what?... besides, Rasputin and Precious have laundry to do... Precious has about fifty loads, actually... ok, so maybe I exaggerate a little... but she finally cleaned half her room yesterday (the other half is a pile of clothes and whatever is under the clothes... unfortunately, the clean and dirty clothes are all mixed together... a whole lot of the clothes she doesn't wear anymore... I am not sure if it's because she's grown too big or just doesn't like them, but she wants to dump them so I told her I'd take them to work, but they have to be washed and folded neat first... she'd rather leave them in big plastic bags hoping Rasputin or I will take them to the trash... she leaves me so sad sometimes)...

so I'll probably do a whole lot more loads of laundry some time soon and fold all the clothes and take them to work... I'll have to remember to get more laundry detergent next time I'm at the store... and salad, I need more salad... the decadent weekend at home is almost over, after all, and I will go back to eating at least one salad a day on Monday... I've started taking a salad to work and making that lunch...

Rasputin just woke and plopped down on the couch... he'll likely be nodding off and farting very soon... and when he wakes he'll channel surf so zoned into the TV commercials or reruns of an old TV show or movie we've seen a dozen time that he doesn't hear anything said to him... it's what he does, bless'im...

I babble J






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