LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
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ONE. . . WHY
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Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


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HELP THE RED CROSS
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THE FAILURE


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USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
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FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-02-03 - 9:24 a.m.

laughter at the madhouse


ROCKIN!

sometimes, after skipping a shower, I wonder why we call it soap... I mean, why not bubbles or squishy... this entry is not meant to be about the soap, bar, liquid, or story (don't get yourself all into a lather just yet), so visit the soap to find out what's bubbling up in the shower this week...

this entry is an extension course in madness given by my friend and former collegue, Dr. Frudo Wackinoff (personal physician to the late, great, President Hackabush, once removed from the Court of Tennis for making too much love...

the reception will be in the garden outside of the conservatory where cruel and unusual refreshments will be served, forceably, after all the hopefully children are bound and gagged for their own protection...

we do not need visuals...

unless, of course, you are neatly shaved...

bring up the rear (without titilation or exhaust), you are directed to replay all of your favorite cartoons in your mind right now, especially those that have eyes bugging out of their heads and reasonable fascimilies of your childhood imprinted on their celluloid (and if all of your memories are digital, please show your ID at the door)...

and now that we are suitably confused (or at least distracted) and we've simultaneously posed and ignored the question, why would a fat person without any grace of movement working night shift in a psych hospital wear loud hard wooden heels knowing their primary job task is to make rounds, walk a hard tile hallway, taking at least one wakeful step into every bedroom at least four times an hour?, it is time to get on with this entry in progress which is, perhaps, the second entry uploaded on this day even as the dates suggest otherwise (shhhsh)... it may be the first of the two, forever lost in the shadow of the present, too soon passed into the past, but that is what builds archives and it is to that end we continue whether we know it or mean to or not...

posterity, you know, gets it all in the end...

bringing up the rear and all...

I once learned the secrets of Blogmad, but then I forgot so now I simply act like I know and that seems to be cool enough for mixed company... if you see the secrets to the universe and everything including life, love, and the recipe for a really good fondu in the previous statement, congratulations, you've been selected for the next spaceship leaving for the Alpha-Omega galazy... your boarding pass will be mailed to you under the name Smith... just attach a recent 3/2 photo of yourself in the space provided and sign at the bottom for future verification (otherwise you might slip into the past and be lost or forgotten)...

if you happen to be Jonesing for visual stimuli or you didn't get your invitation, express your desire at the window marked Express Your Desire Here and discuss music or your favorite art with Kaye for no apparent reason other than the random learning experience you shall share...

just show your card to the librarian at the help desk and please remember not to play in traffic, especially not in New Orleans...

so I am hop skip and jumping around now like a Mexican jumping bean (is that a racist reference?... I mean, don't other cultures have jumping beans?... no offense to Mexicans anywhere, especially not to Salma Hayek, or Linda Ronstadt, for that matter... anyway, back to where I was jumping to) and suddenly I am freakin amused, ok?... I am a sucker for Adam Sandler songs... and whether she is or she isn't, even after all these years, she's still not just any angel, you know?...

just as suddenly (maybe even moreso), I don't want to fight this feeling anymore (I've forgotten what I started fighting for)... but about all the blithering I've done in the name of freedom expression, well, someone has to represent, after all...

they know where you've been, whoemever they might be...

way back I was enjoying something and saved the link even though I lost the explanation of what I was enjoying and so I just enjoyed the conversation I was not really in, but just today I fell in love...

when I die, you may bury me in a Cadbury Egg...

it's not as if we can bring me back (unless there's a lot I don't know and I accept that whole heartedly and am quite ready for anything, but as far as I know I don't know how to come back at the moment, or bring back President Hackabush, for that matter

(what matter?)...

any matter, for that matter, and reasonable people might accept the world as it is and believe that it was once perfect and will be again, but here in the madhouse we don't go in for that sort of fluff... heaven can wait for those who live in hell and poor souls that we are, do not have the bus fare to salvation...

it is five thirty six am and two staff are talking and laughing as if it midday and the kids, restless and haunted, are told to shut up (in less friendly language) as if they are deliberately waking up from bad dreams just to disturb the loud and laughing staff... at least they could let me sleep until they bang on my door and tell me to "get up and wash your ass, your coochie stink."...

we do not need visuals...

unless, of course, you are closely cropped...

I think that when I leave this place I will write letters to the administration about my stay here, about how oppressing and intimidating staff would be when I was at my most vulnerable, about how unsympathetic and cruel staff were when I tried to open up, about how staff seemed to take my illness personally and continue to cycle of abuse as if they were my abuser, and about how they would blame me for what happened to me...

in order to embrace my inner laughter and find that happy place from which all hope and love springs forth, I shall render the rest of this entry to the rest of this entry, in fact, I decided to plaigerize give this part of this entry to one of my favorite wordmasters... the man who merged nonsense with subtle profundity and talked over most of the heads who thought they were better than him... no, not Dr. Suess... at least not this time... love the simplicity, love the way with words, love the mind...

. o O ( some phrasology may have been rearranged ) O o .

. o O ( to protect the alphabet ) O o .



"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."

"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."

"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"

"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."

"All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats."

"I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt."

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."

"Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough."

"Go, and never darken my towels again."

"Humor is reason gone mad."

"I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up."

"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

"And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it."

"I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it."

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30."

"I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."

"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining."

"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."

"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it."

"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."

"Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough."

"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."

"It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy."


"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."

"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."

"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."

"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."

"Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse."

"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early."

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."

"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."

"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does."

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."

"Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does."

"Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!"

"Room service? Send up a larger room."

"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."

"The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths."

"There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook."

"When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began at the age of eighty to learn Greek. I am amazed no longer. Old age is ready to undertake tasks that youth shirked because they would take too long."

"Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!"

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."

"Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse."

"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract."

"Women should be obscene and not heard."

"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!"

"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

"Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it."

"I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member."

"I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

"Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?"

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."

Groucho Marx



and once I learned the secrets of the madhouse I knew it was time to leave...

so I stayed...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




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the moment

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AND WHATDYA MISS?
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