LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-11-24 - 9:21 a.m.

and the landslide brings you down


what intentions?...

oh, those...

before I start rambling, Nicole needs our hugs...

when we lose someone
who's been part of our hearts
the best we can do is remember
where and how our love starts

all the smiling memories
are how we should remember friends
and family is never gone
cuz the love never ends

so remember the smiles
the love isn't gone
remember the smiles
the love lives on

For Aphrodite... and Nicole

.

.

.





I've got ten entries of notes to upload after polishing the code on them cuz I deleted all the notes for this year so the notes pages can upload faster and we can still enjoy the wonderful notes you have left... I've got nine entries of babblings that are in various stages of completion and then there are several files of bits and pieces that have not been cleared, which is supposed to mean I have not uploaded those words and links yet, but then again, sometimes I upload and forget to clear the files...

fascinating, huh?...

and I have not revisited all the prompts linked at the left in many weeks, so there's at least an entry or few to come of that prompting sort of psycho-babble snapshot of whatever the prompt might suggest and whatever I might come up with... so it's not as if the babbling has stopped and there are certainly enough entries in progress to fill every missed date in this month of scattered uploads... what has waned in the past two weeks is my discipline to patch together my random rambles and meandering babblings and linkages into an uploaded entry...

in spite of your wonderful messages of encouragement and love... I do appreciate you and intend to respond to each comment this weekend... and I'll try not to be too much of a blithering idiot who's drunk on sleep deprivation when I do... or the deep blue blah...

but my mindless apathy and ambivalent is nothing compared to the trauma and tragedy being experienced by others in this world... the madness that infects conservative politics, or perhaps all politics (as who am I to judge without really knowing the parties involved) has sent many young people to their deaths in the greed-war going on in Iraq, so my loneliness is easy to bear when I consider how many families will be celebrating their traditional holidays with an empty chair at their table, or worse, at a cemetery...

and the countries we Americans visit officially and as tourists in our maniacal grab for all the wealth and resources and pleasure this planet has to offer are full of struggle and injustice (with and without our government's aide)... the arrogance of the US government actions around this world is a sign of how out of touch US leaders are with humanity in general and with specific peoples and cultures around this world...

maybe it's cuz I saw Rent tonight...

I decided, spontaneously, as usual, to fast on Tuesday and I did... I pondered continuing the rest of the week, but had some soup Wednesday morning in an attempt to maintain some sort of balance as I was feeling the fogginess of fasting... I woke with a fasting headache (of course it was more likely a withdrawal headache as I stopped my daily indulgence of mass qualities of chocolate that has been continuous since Halloween) and stumbled out to the big green chair and moaned a bit with a pillow over my face to block the light (or was it that I just wanted to hug something so I grabbed a big pillow?... both, actually)... I figured I had to go through the withdrawal to get back on to a balanced dietary intact and continue the impromptu diet I seemed to have started the day before without actually deciding to start a diet...

the body hit a wall the night I sat up and wrote the previous entry (which would be the entry of the 22d?... )... the bloated feeling reached a point where food no longer held enough appeal to override the discomfort of the feeling of abdominal bloat... yeah, just before Thanksgiving, am I a natural born rebel or what?...

anyway, I was all set to skip another meal or few and focus into meditation to get past the headache before heading into work when I hear some sniffling across from me... I peek out from under the pillow and see Precious curled up on the couch... she's calling several people trying to arrange some activity for sometime, but I'm doing my best to keep my head from exploding and don't have much room for anything other than selfish thoughts in my head...

I mumble, "what's wrong?" sensing a major change in my plans for this evening was about to occur...

her boyfriend broken up with her...

I was right...

sometimes I do not like being as sensitive and empathic as I am... the activity she was trying to arrange was going to see the movie Rent because she didn't want to stay home and be sad and she wanted a distraction... unfortunately, all her friends had other plans and she didn't have a friend ready to drop everything for her... and she needed a ride and Rasputin wasn't home yet, but apparently was on his way and was willing to give her a ride if she was ready and downstairs when he got home (cuz he apparently had plans with his new girlfriend and Precious apparently didn't tell him about her boyfriend breaking up with her)... all this I got from a few snips of her side of conversations and instinct...

so I took two pills (Ibuprophen, I think) and took her to see Rent...

her on-again off-again best friend decided to come along at the last minute and I found myself offering to give her a ride home since her dad does give Precious rides a lot... the timing was good until we found out the show we were going to see was sold out and there was another show starting an hour later that would make me late for work, especially with the extra drop off, and did I forget that I had just woken up and not showered or anything?... how easily I forget about myself, huh?... and fasting?... we had an hour to kill so we went to one of Precious's favorite food places and got some food since she didn't eat lunch or dinner... so instead of spending a quiet night at home refocusing my brain on to a healthier path, I found myself substituting pills for meditation and spending money on movies and dinner...

but Rent was really great...

and by the time I hugged Precious goodnight she was laughing about some of the things she learned and experienced with her former boyfriend and realized that it was ok... he's a nice kid, very bookish and was not really ready for a girlfriend and finally said so in a rather nice way... they're going to stay friends, I think, after the initial awkwardness of no longer making out passes... and I believe she really knows it's not a reflection on who she is, but a reflection on how much she wants out of a relationship and how challenging wanting that much is at any age because most everyone is afraid to be as open and honest and vulnerable as she can be... have I mentioned how proud I am of her lately?...

so then I rushed into work and you think the challenge to my selfish focus was over, right?... nope... I forgot there was a party scheduled tonight for Berry and another co-worker who's birthdays are in November.. of course I did not have to eat... but I did... so I am back to feeling just as bloated as I was feeling the last night I sat here writing and writing and well, you know, writing a lot...

start again...

not the entry, the abdominal wall pressure and mental focus on discipline and so on... I will not be writing as much tonight as the previous entry because there's the party and I don't lock myself away with the computer when Berry is working cuz she and I talk and besides, it's her party... and I did play more DX Ball than I intended... and, after all, hermitizing myself into a written world all the time would not be too healthy, would it now?...

before I conclude this relatively brief entry, if you happen to have a moment and a little love to share, please give it to Nicole... she lost a wonderful friend and family member this week and if you ever lost someone you loved, nurtured, and cared about for many years, then you might understand how she feels right now... if you don't know her, then let me tell you that the beauty of how well she loves is very rare in this world... I hope you take a moment to click and share a little of yours...

and on this day, be thankful for the good you do, the love you share, the good intentions you follow through on... be thankful for your friends, those who show you how much they care... be thankful for the positive attention we receive and interaction we share here... be thankful for the things you value (and may those things be worth something more than status or prestige)... I am thankful for you... be thankful you have something to be thankful for...

and now, a Thanksgiving message...



when I think about Thanksgiving
I mean the holiday
and what it's supposed to celebrate
I don't know what to say

when I think about Thanksgiving
and about history
I can't help seeing it
as more hypocrisy

cuz where did it begin?
how did it get started?
when I think about that
I feel broken hearted

the white man and the red man
pretending to be friends
visit a reservation
to learn about dead ends

when I think about Thanksgiving
sometimes I want to shout
when one people detroys another
what's there to give thanks about?

about that first Thanksgiving
breaking bread with friends
visit a reservation to learn
how the story really ends

but give thanks for all you've got
forget how it began
and celebrate Thanksgiving
if you can

but I hope you understand
I'll pass on Thanksgiving
in this land of the free and home of the brave
which brave, what brave
the braves were turned into slaves
no, treated worse thank slaves

I'll pass on Thanksgiving
I hope you understand
I'll pass on Thanksgiving
in this land

crap, and you thought this was going to be an uplifting Thanksgiving entry, huh?... well...

foiled again...

aluminum foiled?... ah yes, for all the leftovers... the leftovers you pass on Thanksgiving, you know?...

I'll put myself to bed now...







. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




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FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
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