this life could be so much more exciting if I grasped the brass ring when it passes, but then, I rarely wore a ring when I had one and have so many other things running through my mind, there is little room for yesterday and just barely enough space for tomorrow and even less time... it all happens so quickly, you know... well, you should know...

but then, why am I telling secrets?...

probably because (what?... am I answering a rhetorical leading question?) I was in a silly over-tired mood this morning when sat down to write a few lines of an entry that never was because I fell asleep before the few lines blossomed into the entry that could have been... so now it is becoming this entry that will be whatever it will be when you get to read it (because you, dear reader, make any entry whatever any entry might be because without you, dear reader, any entry is just a tree falling in a forest, cut up and processed into paper, stained with ink, and never heard or read... or something like that)...

I think maybe sometimes I make more sense than can fit into my brain...

now, whatever profound nonsense might have been bubbling around my mental processes this morning when I started this entry is altered beyond recognition by the dual audio distractions of the secrets behind reality TV on VH1 on my left and Precious talking on the phone facing me a few feet on my right so my brain finds pieces of both conversations slipping between the pauses of thought as I look for whatever it was I was finding in my brain this morning before I nodded off...

it may have actually been deep...

now there's J Lo's butt, phoney real people, buy-me commercials, and the life of teenage girls having fun with my brain cells while anything that might have been deeper than J Lo's butt is buried in, well, maybe it's time to walk away from this particular metaphor... or analogy... or whatever... you might want to check your shoes...

speaking of shoes, I am trying to convince my roommies that it is good to have a shoes-off policy in the living space because a carpet stays fresher and newer when it rarely feels footwear pressing down on it's fibers... the dirt (and whatever) trekked in is all the more reason to slip off footwear before walking around the place on the carpet, especially if anyone ever has any intention of laying on the carpet, maybe even getting comfortable and falling asleep with your face on the carpet... or even near it... and then, ultimately, what about comfort?... ok, maybe some people really are more comfortable with their feet wrapped in layers of cloth and plastic and rubber and leather... I won't think about what happens between the toes...

or maybe people actually wear footwear indoors just for wonderful feeling of finally taking them off...

no gym tonight?...

have you noticed that when I do not get to the gym for a day or few I start getting bitchy, or at least whiney and finding fault with everything?... well, there's the best reason to get me to the gym more often and more importantly for anyone who really wants to know me, the large grain of salt you should use when listening to or experiencing me being whiney or negative... it's not personal... it's not you... it's me... hopefully you understand that...

but if you get off on adding to my negativity by taking it personally and projecting your own negativity on mine by incorrectly assuming that my warped mind is somehow judging you when it is truly venting about my own momentary dissatisfaction with myself, well, may you get off well...

if only we knew how meaningless judgmental thinking becomes a heavy burder and obstacle and fool's game at best when you feed into it, we might understand the laughter beneath the drama and why humans slow down to gaawk at accident scenes or tune in to watch conflicts on the news or in fictional situations...

I am cursed with an instinct for truth... it has been inside since my first thoughts and is sometimes not even conscious (as I've done a lot to try to repress it or turn it off over the years because it is detrimental to a social life with humans and I seek a social life with any highly cognitive species with abilities and desires for deep emotional, intellectual, ethereal, and physical explorations, creativity, and sharings)...

I am burnt out on ego trips or any of the social games required for even the cursory personal human interactions which becomes the first and all too efficient obstacle for any sort of new meetings or social encounters... waiting for someone else to see through this and find a way to make something happen in spite of it has proved a fruitless endeavor...

I've heard that confession is good for the soul, but then, what about for the body and the social life and the everyday physical world?... is total exposure really the best turn on for you?... well, it is for me... no wonder I am alone again, huh?... naturally...

this entry appears to have deteriorated (or perhaps elevated) into a series of snap-thoughts (like mental snapshots) that may or may not be in the vein of the previous entries which were kind of like further adventures in introduction for anyone truly wishing to know me (and that would be me, first in line, trying to figure me out)... after all, the entry that started this particular series was about communicating and left incomplete for some future time when there is more time to ponder whatever it is meant to be about and therein move further along towards completion...

so whatever might have been on my mind twelve hours ago when this entry began, it is now whatever it is, whatever it became, whatever you make of it...

so what's it to ya?

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)