hello again... it is I, not a character from The Princess Bride or any other romantic dream I might have at any time of any day or night because I can get so lonesome I could cry or die or whine a lot about how I am standing here with open arms that ache from emptiness cuz trying to hug air is not easy and I do it all the time cuz that's what I'm here for, not to hug air, but to hug people and most especially friends and more wishfully my very own princess bride and maybe you can tell I still have not slept (that would be now thirty six hours since last sleep) mostly cuz Precious called just as I was slipping into slumber during the last paragraph of the previous entry cuz she had another club after school and wanted to know if she could stay for the club (she could if I picked her up) so I said yes and shortly after that we were doing chemistry home work for a while and then some history and then I was listening to her day and suddenly hours passed and it's dark out and thank goodness I don't have to work tonight and I'm getting kind of hungry...

she ate a few tacos, leftover from last night, with Pepsi of course, and then ice cream... my shagrin was duly noted as I extolled the virtues of a healthy diet and regular exercise, but it seems the couch potato gene is most dominant in their family and I'm afraid it might be contageous (shhhh, we didn't study biology, just chemistry and history, so go with it) cuz I've seriously formed an irresistible comfort zone in my big green chair here and even if I was not awake for more than a day and a half (yes again), well, you can see from the exercise log (if you know where to find it) that I am exercising my own lazy genes these days...

hmmmm, lonely, lazy, loser?

sometimes I am not a big fan of my penchant for alliteration...

and so it is today (no, not yet Xmas, but look, the month just changed)... and this is a profound anniversary for me, the day the music died, the night I learned that the fairy tale does not always have a happy ending in real life and for me, purity and perfection of true love and innocence will forever be lost to dreams, hopefully never forgotten and not always moruned, but definitely sigh-inducing and potentially depressing if I do not remember it was long ago and I got over it (I did, didn't I?) and am no longer that idealistic teenage dreamer who believes that love conquers everything and passion is the only truth and right and anything's possible and true love will return pure and prefect once again (though the child inside survives, even if only in a coma)...

maybe I'll have some sort of religious experience tonight...

a little peyote and a hot steamy cave might help... or a lot of peyote and a shower even... anyway, being drug free so far this millenium, even if there was something mind-altering sitting around I probably wouldn't smoke it or eat it... maybe... there's another box of chocolate next to me again... Precious brought it home from school (another chocolate sales drive thing from another one of her clubs)...

she's pure evil...

anyway, we are back (that we would be you, dear patient reader, and me) to real time, today, Wednesday December 1st, 2004... and if there was only time, memories and hopes would rise from the depths and inspire creativity and rhymes, but there is so little time...

and then I fell asleep again...

and now it is tomorrow, but actually tomorrow and not another tomorrow that is really the day before yesterday... the epiphany that might have been was lost in sleep and then having to head to work... just as the memories are lost to subconsciousness... what would have been, what could have been, alas... just as true love is lost to...

somewhere...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)