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last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
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REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
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itools references
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Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
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PO BOX 780398
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send me some music
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and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-12-22 - 6:24 p.m.

ibishkabibble


this one time, at band camp...


oh yeah, Alison (or is it Alyson), as Elvis Costello said... and the Moody Blues, you know what love can do to you... I remember my own versions of band camp (I was dishwasher at a upstate New York camp called Camp Edward Isaacs {I'm not sure who Edward Isaacs was, except that I am pretty sure he was Jewish, for what that bit of trivia is worth}... the job paid and got me out of the city for more than two months and many friend and my girlfriend at the time went up to work there and it was definitely one of the best summer ever, but I am digressing just to amuse and stimulate my carnal fantasies with images of some movie stars playful personalities and flirtations, but this entry is about comments... yes more comments, yay)...

I finally got back to commenting on your comments and as usually, I found myself rambling on into entry length babbling so below you shall find my responses to the comments of the entry before last and the last entry (two rather different entries, I think)...

meanwhile, as you see by the dates, I am still a day behind... on the plus side, time is fun to play with and I still have several entries awaiting final babbling and upload... at least two of which are the long awaited next (fourth, I believe) 200+ Things entry based on my dear nicim's 101 Things... on the surface, I'd say the delay is mostly because I haven't had the quiet time to focus seriously (or even irreverently) on an introspective list entry, no less a responsive list... deeper down, I know I wanted cutething to have more than a precious and few moments to be the current 202 Things cuz she is so dang cute (even sticking her tongue out at mentions like that) and has such a brilliant sexy mind (and seriously deeply inspiring)... and check the other Things lists over on the left too...

so we have more profound revelations about life behind the candoor to look forward to and more to look back upon and now, more of this moment to reflect on this recent habit of repeating my responses to comments here in entries (with collaborative elaborations and other odd window dressings that secretly tell more than the main event entries ever might, but don't tell cuz then it wouldn't be a secret, wink wink)...

of course by now you may have figured out that I tease myself with sarcasm on a regular basis, especially when I suggest I have anything to hide or keep secret... about me, at least... your secrets are treasures I will never share unless you tell me it's ok to share them, but me, I'm naked as a blue bird (or blue jay, or ribin, or finch even) as I flap my wings out here in words before you... don't get too turned on, I mean, unless you are on my libido list or are gonna inspire me to run another marathon... remember, I am potent, use me with care...

anyway, all subliminal drug references aside, the comments are coming the comments are coming, so put this in your pipe and smoke it:

phew, I started this at least a few times in the past two days... sleep swallowed me each time... so try try again and... yes definitely appearances matter but only on the surface and not when it comes to who I choose as friends or family... I think that's the most important point we can make...

there was a time when I felt the peer pressure... there was a time I felt the rebel within me refusing to cut my hair, singing out "but I'm not giving in an inch to fear..." with CSN&Y... I felt like I would be betraying myself if I cut my hair and it's stayed long through many life changes, wasted wanderings, teaching, therapy, school, management, then more fun party times (I took the nineties off)... maybe it's just that lately I'm feeling like rebelling against the rebel in me or more even, that I want a change, so I look at things that are easy to change first... it'll probably be an impulsive action whenever it happens, but as I've said, I've considered it for a lot of years... I suppose I should take a few pictures first and I've been thinking that for years too (I laugh as I know that I don't procrastinate when I really want to do something, so I obviously do not really want to cut the hair... I want to fall in love and romantically see hairplay as part of it...

I didn't actually mean hairplay, even though I think she's adorable (and I do not use that word lightly) and I could easily lust over her lucious lips (no seriously, I could drool, lusting for a kiss, instatiable slut that I can be) and challengingly beautiful eyes (and such a face, a face of my ex-lovers... trust the lust, it will lead down a garden path, but such a beautiful garden, fragrant, sensual, embracing, exciting) and and ... no, I'll save my perverse fantasies for another time (cruel, perhaps, but I tease like I do everything else, to the extreme, but first and foremost almost always irreverently)... sheesh, imagine if I pulled up a few pictures and didn't just rely on memory (he grins)... sheesh take two, imagine if she was legal (we cringe, laughing still :)

ok, so pondering hairplay with hairplay is much fun, but not what comments are for (so are we seeing another entry born right before our eyes?... an entry full of lust and passion and perverted horniness?... oh dear, but whatever will happen to my poise and lofty reputation for being politically correct and child-safe?... well, at least I might leave out the cantelope, cotton panties, and feather bowa)...

throat clearing sounds...

hi boann, how are ya? :)

you've touched on one of the main the reasons I have not cut it... it's for a lover/partner to help decide what I do with my hair for as I see it, part of an intimate partnership in this life is playing with each other's bodies... yes, the obvious ways, but also in molding, shaping, and rearranging appearance for fun and increased pleasure...

gee, such a polite mature phrasology (with laughing apologies for anyone lusting for a less polite PC approach, I was attempting to respond to comments, after all... so many playful grins, so little time :)

obviously I was responding to smash in the first few paragraphs of comments above and I'm not exactly sure what sort of monster was started by our hair discussion, but I love the fact that I can so easily wander around my mind and tease myself and others as I converse with him... and I kinda thought the segue I made into my response to boann's comment was just too typical of me and my sense of 'let's all stare at the ceiling and move along as if nothing happened' humor so it should not have been interrupted... I mean, would you want to insert extra brush strokes on the Mona Lisa?...

and we can all ask (about me) now, is he serious?...

and special thanks to our guest star, hairplay, who truly does turn me on in places I do not visit on my own because those places take an outside visual stimulus that tweaks my libido just right, as she does most well, so well, ahh... oh well...

before I start waxing poetic (or degenerate into more perverse ponderings about the ridiculous suggestion that I might ever be found humping the screen), I shall remain child friendly, sort of, and continue with the comments...

Pf, darling, you are so wonderfully strange (still grinning)... RW = Real World?... I hate to burst a fantasy bubble (so look away if you don't want me to), but I've never been on RW or TV or radio, even (stage, some, but not much there either... I've performed many times on the beach for the stars and ocean and seagulls and a select few friends and strangers passing by)... I'd like to believe I am virile and sensual and hot with capital letters and an exclamation point, but I live in this body and find it quite unappealing at the moment... foolishly, I wait for someone to take my hand and lead me back along marathon trails, vigorous workouts, and wild sexual escapades... of course I know I should not wait or depend on someone else to inspire me to sculp the optimal physical me, but I've been there and done that for myself, always the strong one, the motivator, the leader of the pack (vroom vroom) and am in a lazy mode these days wondering if I will ever know the feeling of, as Olivia Newton John once sang, letting someone else be strong...

I do prefer long hair to short... few people appeal to me sensually in short hair... using pop stars as examples, Meg Ryan or Nicole Deboer are two I've found stare-and-drool attractive even in short hair, but with rare exception I find long hair more appealing in my psyche and visual vortex... I don't laughingly sing the song from the show Hair for empty reasons, I love hair...

but feel free to lust after my imaginary great looks if you must, I'll grin and bear it in spite of my extreme modesty and shyness (and a nod is as good as a wink to a blind bat, for Monty Python fans :)

yes, another who brings out the playful trust in me, pfirsich inspires me to let my freak flag fly (or is that ego?... lower?... what pocket?... yes, I am happy to see you... where's that ceiling?... everybody whistle nonchalantly now and as Bill Cosby said so humorously, walk away passively and stiffle the giggles, we've got respect, after all...

giggle...

and then, it's always exciting to get a comment from one of my internet heros, or heroine's in this case (and could she ever be heroin, ah...), so everybody jump up and down with me and get all googly-eyed as we visit with the one and only Clarity (and her amazing hubby, who, coincidentally, just cut his hair... and the muses all laugh at the comic connections)...

and just to prove I am genuinely egocentric and ever so popular with the in=crowd and true Diaryland elite (at least one of them), I include my casual conversation in comments with her right here cuz I am just that cool (squeeee lol lam :)

dear dear Clarity, it's so wonderful to hear from you (as I've said many times, you are a precious presense for me on this internet and your blush just adds to the genuine beauty of your literary persona and the honest way you share yourself and your life in words)... I so hope, someday, to find what you and Eric have...

wonderful news, that you'll keep in touch from time to time... and to you both (and all you love), Merry Xmas, Happy New Year, Happy Birthdays and every day of your life (for as long as you live... there I go, slipping into song again... well, I'm in a bit of a grinning silly mood, but still as sincere as ever as I amuse myself with odd references and obvious explanations so climb every mountain and forge every stream too)...

remember, you and Eric are always welcome in Orlando (alas, not a beach house, but still, warm and happy :)

the rest of you are welcome here too, and I wish I had my house with tons of extra space like I did in the nineties so I could easily say you've got a guest room, but if you don't mind the floor (we'll vacuum the carpet) or the old couches (we've got clean sheets) and tripping over each other, we've got shelter... though I'd probably enjoy getting out of here even more than having visitors here cuz even camping in a tent (I have a tent) would be a great change from the day to day sameness... and if you're really rich, then don't slum it, get a ritzy hotel room at the theme parks or on the beach and I'll visit you (devious invitation, isn't it? :)

onward through the comments, I am finding myself relating more and more to Sandyz's words and find myself demanding that I read her more, which is a good thing... and yes, I mean noddding off... love that Freud...

Sandyz, you inspire me with your words in so many ways... thank you for being here... I relate too well to the lack of time or rest due to working too much (and trying to convince myself that I'll see results in extra savings and find time to enjoy the money someday)... that's probably one big reason I spend so much time writing and reading on the net, because it's easier physically and I can fall asleep doing it... there aren't many activities we can do while nodding off in the midst of it (why do I hear women everywhere rolling their eyes and thinking about their men? :)

my words will be here if you find time someday and I'll be just as interested to hear you expound more whenever you have time as I am now... take care of yourself and get rest (I know, easier said than done), cuz that's most important in the long run... and thanks for the encouragement about comment-entries (as if I need much?... really, I appreciate you seriously and even more so cuz I can laugh at myself and life and trust you'll find the seriousness within the fun :)

Moo! (not just any moo, but yes The-Moo! who deserves every glowing word I can put together about her)... dear moo, beacon of love and life across the water (and yes, I just might be that madman Elton sang about once upon a time)... your love is anything but just love... your love is precious and few... your love is something to cherish... your love is pure and unabashed and honest and true and real... your love is beautiful, just like you :)

then came IT... not Cousin It, though I sense family there... come to think of it, I can comb my hair forward and give that Cousin It look, but that's besides the point... hair hair hair, in your face hair, that's what I've got, love it or at least it a lot or leave it alone, yeah, nevermind... I have such a distracting head... well, IT is itineration, actually, but I tend to abbreviate names in comments, usually down to two letters...

it (lol, you are IT!), itineration... if you have the means (and haven't already), take some pics of the hair (just from the back if you want to go faceless)... it sounds great... I was never happy with myself or life when I tried to hide my feelings even a little and I did try for noble reasons, because the person I'd have died for (and did) asked me to... it blew up in my face because as blissful as it was to have two adorably wonderful beautiful sexy hot girls all to myself, I was not happy with myself pretending even a little...

wow, there's a moment of profound memory that still knocks me off my feet and probably always will... life changing moments and the feelings around them never really go away, so I embrace them and respect them by memorializing them every now and then (that way they don't sneak up and bite me from deep within my psyche when I am least expecting it)...

and a road trip to nowhere, I'm so jealous... it's been a few years since I slept in a car and roamed around aimlessly and I so love doing it (say hi if you get to Orlando :)

the last few years has seen me more stationary than I've been in this lifetime... Chattanooga is as far as I've been since 1999 when I came back down here from Buffalo... the last time I was more than 200 miles from home was 2003, I think... the farthest I travelled from my front door in 2005 was maybe 60 miles, if that far (and I live in a very spread out area where even my hospital {because of insurance} is about a 40+ mile trip)... I think this hits the nail on the head when I ask myself why I am feeling more and restless and open to change lately...

it would be wise for me to take saving money seriously because I would welcome a major change, relocation, maybe a year or two off from work, in the next few years... that is not the way to retire comfortably when you grow senior and senile, boys and girls, so do not try this at home, but heck, it's my way of life more of less so I'll continue taking it day to day and deal with tomorrow when and if tomorrow becomes today...

I too use words, specifically written words, to sort out what's going on in my head and in my life... I find honesty when I write, I find a fearlessness to simply answer any question without any inhibition or hesitation... I can imagine that it does not matter who may read the words, today or someday, and just be me... I believe that is because I trust myself unconditionally, I trust my intentions, I trust my ability to accept anything and make the best of anything... and I revere truth... I feel that fantasy and pretending are fun, but at the bottom line what matters most is the truest feelings inside... in words, the most honest thoughts I can find in me tell me who I am...

and I love me and don't want to be anybody else...

and as for relationships, as long as parents or anybody or anything has control over someone, it is a much greater risk to love and trust them than it is to love and trust a person with a completely independent heart and mind... unfortunately, we do not always have a choice in who we fall in love with (and I was there in high school when my heart and being was torn apart by parents and cultural pressures who would not allow our love to become what it might have been it still hurts down deep, especially at certain times of year)...

Bob Seger's Turn The Page always does it to me (freezes the moment and demands I hear and feel and sing and shed a tear and sigh and smile at the road ahead)... I wish I could offer an easy solution... what I say continue doing what you seem to be doing (wise you are)... be honest, let her know how you feel once you are sure you know how you feel and what you want and then, learn more patience as you live your life and make the best out of the moments you can share... with or without her or anyone else, make the best of yourself and the moments of your life...

and enjoy the heck out of your road trip :)

and that goes for the rest if you to, cuz even you are going nowhere, the secret to happiness is learning to enjoy the journey...

"it's got to be the going, not the getting there
that's good

~ Harry Chapin



have fun out there J






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