LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

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ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


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HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
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NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

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THE FAILURE


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(202) 456-1111

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(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
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FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-02-06 - 1:58 p.m.

I said hope, dammit!


contents may never settle at the bottom
don't measure them by their weight or by their volume
measure them by their force and their form
even far away you may be getting warm

if you want to know
what I mean
who I am
what you are
is welcome to explore
even from afar

if you want to understand
all about
why I am
what you need
is to be as open
as a new born seed

and this may be a dream for some, but for me, it is nature, it is the experience of life... and as if on cue as the mail finishes downloading and I see that I have a new note here and I check my notes, one of the wonders of the world provides me with a quote that seems to be rolling right along with the apparently abstract collage of bits and pieces that make up this entry for at precisely this moment as I include the rhyme above, I read this:

"Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can." ~ The Dalai Lama ~

and that is the essense of the line in my longest standing personal introduction, part of the answer to the how old are you? questions that you can find if you care to look through my personal site and introductions, I am reborn each time I open my eyes...

I am lucky, blessed, or somehow smart enough to have a place in my mind that allows me to wipe clean everything that ever might have entered my mind and experience the moment of waking as a completely blank slate with the potential for anything... every day, as I wake up, I feel my heart and it's primary dream, to love and be loved, to leave this world a better place for my being here, and to play, to have fun, to enjoy every moment... I step out of bed (or out of the big green chair) with that moment of hope, that magical feeling that anything is possible, that everyone knows the pure desire to love and be loved and do good and enjoy life that I feel in my heart... I rise to the day (or evening or night) with the sparkle of that hope in my eyes and enter the world beyond my home ready to give it my all, to embrace it all, to experience it all, and to believe in alll the positive goodness that is in everything...

and it happens every time... each time I open my eyes...

and as I have said before, it may be all my illusion (or Richard Bach's, or Harry Chapin's, or someone else's), but I believe in it, my perspective, my illusion, the feelings of my waking moment, with every cell in this body, with ever bit of energy I am...


and then life happens...

or maybe it's my nightmare... hope?... but life throws a curve... people happen... I look out from my wide open believing in love heart through hopeful eyes and see someone turn away, and another scowls, and another simply ignores my existence... and others follow suit... my smile waivers as my friendly hello is ignored or worse, is met with suspicious or unpleasant stabs from cold eyes and judgmental frowns... my hope gasps as a flood of negative energy pours into my wide open senses and I remember how much trouble trusting the human heart, how much pain believing in the goodness of people has gotten me into... and I remember the fear that it might happen again... and I remember the sudden awareness of the truth found in the following words:

Living an honest, nurturing, healthy, giving life in this world is swimming upstream, for this world flows with lies, neglect, abuse, and greed.

and the cynical voice in my head that laughs at me for believing, for trusting, for being so ignorant as to believe that innocence can survive intact and free in this world finds tangible physical evidence supporting the foolishness of trust, the folly of love, the stupidity of leaving one's self wide open for the anything that is possible...

"Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can." ~ The Dalai Lama ~

?

it becomes a question... how long can I maintain that waking feeling, that belief in goodness and hope... can I keep it throughout the day, for a few hours?... can I keep it past the morning?... how many scowls or frowns or negative smirks or casual disregards can I withstand before I withdraw and shut down and lost interest in life... is this how the zombie is formed?... is this how I become one of the walking dead, or at least mostly?...

I do not want to give up on love... sharing trust is still the most exciting feeling I know or can imagine... I do not want to give up on believing it is real, trust can happen, unconditional anything is possible in the goodness and harmless intent of the love in the human heart is going to happen and last in this life... I want to believe...

and each time I fall asleep I stop thinking, I do my best to leave the experiences of the day behind... I fall into sleep without much effort, another blessing I have been given, or have created in my mind... I sleep soundly and deeply (as I've said before, I can {and have}, when I want to, sleep through just about anything)... and after a few hours or a dozen, I wake and start again... I am reborn each time I open my eyes...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

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AND WHATDYA MISS?
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who me?

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you want to know me?
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101 Things
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202 Things
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DO ME!
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SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
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get your own!

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where've ya been?
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favorites

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HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
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(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

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