LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


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o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
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THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2004-06-20 - 4:00 a.m.

home alone


they might squeeze the corn a bit much at times, but In and Out has some rather funny bits... I am waiting to see if it's all camp-spoof or if it has a good point about tolerance to make as well... I mean, it is set in a high school for the most part...

meanwhile, I am thinking about what I've been thinking about for a few days now (and what has been under the surface, coming out in whining pathos and sad rhymes since I went under the surface in this life long before this particular diary started)... heck, if I was gay it might be a lot easier to explain the life I've lived, but as comfortable as I ever was in this body, I never felt any physical attractions for men... heck, I have never felt any physical attraction for most women, for that matter... a very narrow chemical window, my sexual chemistry gives me, but that's besides the point (and my irreverent way of distracting from the deeper point by laughing at the superficial)...

what was the point?... ah yes, how I avoid intimacy because I no longer trust people with my heart... but wait, there appears to be a good point about tolerance (though with extra corn... and they did leave the whole truth ambiguous, like was Kevin Kline's character really gay or just influenced by the publicity and his wedding jitters and, well, ok, I'm being nit picky and probably just avoiding facing my own fears of intimacy... again)...

huh?...

so ok, perhaps I've beaten the dead horse enough... maybe you've gotten the point... heck, maybe I've gotten the point... I've got a problem... a dilemma... a connundrum... I live to share true love intimately and true intimate love is, as I know it, based on trust and trust requires someone other than me and I am avoiding intimate trust... how?... by avoiding social situations?... not really, I go almost anytime I am invited somewhere... by avoiding intimacy when the opportunity arises?... I wonder about that... and I hear Billy Joel singing in my head

I can find a lover
I can find a friend
I can have security
until the bitter end
anyone can comfort me
with promises again
I know...

and I mean anyone, but I am not satisfied with comfort... or security... or sex, no matter how good it is... or a friend in the way the majority of the world uses the word... I want honesty, completely open honesty... nothing hidden, unconditional trust... that is truly honesty, even if the trust is conditional because of past trauma, being completely open and honest about the fears and/or walls and trauma that built and feeds and is in the way, that is the minimum it takes to satisfy me... for anything less is simply not honest... who is honest?... who has nothing to hide from me?... who can actualize sharing everything?...

the next logical step would be to ask so what's the solution...

what was the question again?


ummmm, yeah right... this is what comes of being awake for two straight days... ah yes, how to share everything when the actual doing it requires someone else ready, willing, and able to do it... send out the sigul (yes, I am reading Song of Susannah, book six in Stephen King's The Dark Tower series, sigul = sign, signal, something that means something to someone who means something to me, or something like that... you understand if you understand)... so here I am (and there and elsewhere, right?)... sending out an S.O.S. to the world...

doctor, doctor, send me a cure I've got a bad case of... allure...

ah, the glam...

now there might be someone in this world close enough to where I am (inside) to relate and actualize (that is why I stay alive, beside the altruistic notion that I might do some good somehow), but the clock keeps ticking down toward the final breath (I have not figured out the immortality in these flesh shells thing, if it's possible... and even if I did figure out how to keep the body alive forever, I don't know if I'd actually want to... but as I know it, time is limited in this particular life I am living) and every day there is one less day to share... and of course I hear Nicholas Cage speaking about Meg Ryan in City of Angels at the moment and if you just did too, well, you may be closer to where I am coming from than you realize... just one moment...

run a mile with me
run ten more
climb a mountain
swim out far from shore
take the ultimate leap
lay on me, fall asleep
naked to the core
open every door
give up everything
then give more


and the TV shows me Die Hard and I love the irony... for what am I going on about... what more can be given than life itself... willing to die for anything?... for love?...

I have...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

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.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
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(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

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