returning from Tennessee a few hours ago, after a very busy week and a long ride home, this Hallow eve shall be spent relaxing (and most likely nodding off) in the big green chair with either TV or music playing in the background... though I took my laptop, there was no time to connect to the net so there are lots of updates to sort through and upload and lots of mail to download and catching up to do in the fantasy games and cleaning up to do around the place (yes, nothing was cleaned up, there's a greasy film on the kitchen floor and counter and dried grease splatter on the stove... and no garbage went out this week... Rasputin and I will have to talk about some sort of compromise cuz his habits are definitely bug attracting and unhealthy and I suppose I would like to use the kitchen now and then without having to clean everything first... alas, some guys need a maid and my friend appears to be one... since he's sleeping at the moment, this vent releases the mild frustration and now we can emerge from this parentheses with the dirty kitchen behind us, literally)...

so how the heck are ya?

hmmmm, I come to this diary wondering if anybody reads it... I hardly ever get a note, which is why I don't feel like spending fifty-odd dollars to equipt this diary with comments capabilities or even the little more than half that amount for stats just to see how few visitors actually come here... maybe I should join neb in a pity party (somehow I sense her grin would cheer everything up... I better get out of this parentheses before I start grumbling and needing to vent about her lack of internet connection and how much her wonder-words are missed)...

maybe I am just hiding too well... but I am not hiding... I've linked this diary in all of my other diaries and journals... I haven't gone the banner route, but then, I don't want fans, I want friends (is that even possible through words on the web?... if we believe)...

at least my alter ego fantasy persona, candora is loved... and my irreverently thoughtful (or thoughtfully irreverent) alter ego funda is noticed... even when I am gone for a week, people come around and leave notes and messages and stuff... I am happy about that... but this is supposed to be the real me... really, the real me... doesn't anybody notice the real me who has been babbling about this and that and the nothingness of life every day (sometimes twice)?... did you notice I've been gone all week?...

ah, that is what a wedding will do to me... remind me of the absence of daily intimacy in this life... waaaa, waaaa, hello?...

meanwhile, VH1 has the 100 Most Shocking Moments in Rock and CMT has Country's Most Shocking... Halloween specials, I suppose... at least Rock's most shocking isn't all about morbid deaths and tragic accidents... I am not sure which is stranger, the whole "shocking" concept show thing or the fact that budity is still considered shocking (and illegal) in our supposedly enlightened and advanced modern culture... pathetic how insecure people are about their bodies... probably a sure sign that the men in charge when the rules were written had small penises...

ok, so maybe I have nothing interesting to say in my bleary-eyed dribble borne of a mundane and rather lonely existence... maybe that's why I am lonely, cuz behind the fantasies and creativities and word-play there's a boring unappealing anti-attractive person known as me... that would be so sad... I think...

the strangest thing of all is I am still enjoying myself so much... the best thing about going away from home for a few days or a week is to get back home and remember how precious it is to have a place to live, warm and comfy and with the few things you love... to cook a little food and eat it and sit back and relax and... well, guess you had to be there...

hope you are enjoying your Halloween as much as I am...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)