I left myself no time for even a rushed out the door just before work entry but as much as I hate (strong word, huh?) the fact that I do not have time to write as much as I would like and I do not have enough time for me, I did do something for me instead of writing... another trip to the gym, third one in forty eight hours, and physically I am feeling better than I have in weeks... maybe months... I'll ignore most of the rest of how I feel cuz waking up alone is not how I had this life planned or as the Eagles said it, never thought I'd be alone, this far down the line and if I could only stop my mind... but I will not go there now... no, the tapes are gone, robbed in my sleep, along with my heart and whatever passes for a soul in me...

that was yesterday, in so many ways... so thirty more minutes on that whatchamacallit that I still forget to name properly at an average of level 15, but better than the last time I hopped on it because it said I burned more calories... 490 last time, 511 this time... same thirty minutes... I followed up with three reps of ten on the two machines I used the day before and skipped the treadmill because I was running out of time and my nipples were getting tender... hey, what can I say, I'm a sensitive guy...

meanwhile, I am still very much mostly dead, so much so that I have been among the absentee dead (you wanna know what I am talking about, go fish)... there is an outside chance that I will get to sleep soon and wake up with enough time to get to the gym again for a fourth workout three days and that would be wonderful news for the part of me that might like to take a chance at being alive again... even if nobody is around to share it... stop focusing on that, it'll bring the movement to a crashing halt... yeah, listen to yourself... and the stubborn child turns a deaf ear toward the sun in order to hear the light...

I think I want to be Harry Potter... just for a little while... it would make a wonderful vacation... I think we should be able to take vacations not just from where we live and work, but from who we are... yes, a vacation from who we are, that's the ticket... there are so many people I would love to be for a little while... some for a few moments, some for an hour or a day... that is how this life and the universe should have been set up, so I am petitioning to change the rules... I want more magic, more super powers, more vacation choices, more opportunities for change, more serious fun... yes, even if it must begin as a figment of my imagination, it is the goal of this thought that it becomes a physical reality...

I think I have already done it... see, I used to be someone that lots of people loved... I used to share life... I used to be someone other people came to for all sorts of things... I used to be someone loved unconditionally... almost... maybe it was another life...

somehow, I think that if I can only keep up this gym work for another few months, an answer may come...

stay tuned...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)