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PO BOX 780398
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send me some music
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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-10-11 - 11:31 p.m.

the grim reaper (part 2)


after reading the previous entry, if you read the previous entry, you might be thinking it is superficial of me to be all bummed about a new toy and a sports team and being poor, but you'd only be right if you thought that...

huh?...

some of you in the know might be laughing and expecting me to tie in Dead Like Me with the title theme of this two part entry and maybe I will as I haven't fantasized about lusting after one of my many libido fantasies in at least an entry or so, but the mood here in Mudville is not one of frivolous silliness or splendor in (or even the lunatic on) the grass

ok, seriously (no really, seriously)... the real bummer today was that a kid was stabbed to death at Precious's school...

bang

yeah, real life can really suck in this world at the present level of human development... so there's death... not TV drama (or even TV comdeny) death, but real live death kids are dying in Iraq and you and I are paying for the bullets that are killing them... kids are starving all over the world and you and I elect leaders who let it happen, in fact, make it happen pruning the population the democrasy crumbles and oligarchy leans more and more toward dictatoirship or even monachry and you and I ignore the decisions and policies our elected officials make in our names that keep the poor down and dying...

and a kid died today at Precious's school... he was fifteen... the kid who stabbed him to death is seventeen... and this is supposed to be a very good school in a good neighborhood...

times like these make loneliness an unfriendly monster...

and little things like toys and games that could be great distractions don't work as well... it would have been a good night to have a new toy... something fun to distract me from the frustration of living amongst human beings... I don't want to sleep, but my sleep reserves are scraping bottom and it'll be more challenging to enjoy the three concerts and two shows I'll be going to in the next five days well rested, but that does not seem to be going to happen...

the school will be open tomorrow... sort of... they might cancel the play the kids have been working hard on for weeks because it's a musical comedy murder, after all... the Drama Director does not believe in good theatre, as I've mentioned in previous rambles, she believes in her ego and in what pass as the appearance of good Christain values... and it'll be just like her to cancel the show because she's afraid it might offend someone...

typical conservative control fostering paranoia that revels and thrives in collective depression...

instead of realizing that the show must go on and all theatre cliches aside, right now at this moment the kids and community could really use a positive distraction and a rallying point for regaining the great self-image the school has...

but look around, we live in a culture that would rather fear than love, would rather mourn than heal, would rather gripe than fix things, and would rather stick their heads in the sand than look around and live life...

isn't it ironic...

not only that, but that I ask such a culture to look around...

they cancelled the football game scheduled for tomorrow night...

so I'm gonna live a little tonight in my own mind and life... and tomorrow, I think I'll take a long lunch and get that phone deal fixed and maybe stop by the computer store to see what they've got... that's right... I know how to live responsibly and how to live dangerously... maybe take pot luck and hope I get a computer that fits my needs... there's just no time to read Consumer's Reports and PC Computing and other research that might get me the best bang for my meager buck... maybe I should just wish on the computer fairy for massive memory and speed and power to suddenly appear in just any old computer I buy...

anybody out there really know about current computer markets?... or maybe you know someone who does?... or maybe you know somebody who knows somebody who does?... please connect me?...

this computer is alternately driving me crazy crashing and resetting my options and preferences in Windows and the browser and the Word program (what crap Microsoft produces that it won't even retain the settings in options from day to day, no less save passwords and remember my preferences)... and providing some fun... yeah, it's time to roll the dice and buy whatever is on the shelf... and email SPAM is a cancer on our heads... heck, my email isn't even working these days and I don't have time to figure out why (call if you really want to reach me or leave me a comment or message at myspace if you feel too shy to call)... too much junk mail crap products, made in the USA... we are ashamed, but too arrogant to admit it...

living in denial...

I think that Living in Denial should be the title of the history book written about the late 20th and early 21st century... maybe for the history book for the whole history of the USA... Living in Righteous Denial...

so anyway, maybe I'll spoil myself and cash in even more savings tomorrow... and then what?... I'll have another great new toy to play with and no time to play... aren't I the grey goose tonight?... wet blanket, that is... you know, down on the upbeat, grooving on the downbeat, and generally depressive... what can I say, it amuses me (the madness to my methods are not always easy to understand, but it works for me so fret not for me Argentina or anywhere else, the truth is I always loved you and still do... and I love me... and I love life...

even amongst the humans...

oh, but how pathetic it is to beat ourselves up, to throw pity parties and mourne our own stupidity how foolish it is because that is accepting ourselves as stupid, inept, and unable to rise above the fear of death and all the other fears that create the confusion and hatred that leads to the violence and stupidity that we mourne and gives us cause to feel sorry for ourselves

I hope you enjoy your life... I'll lay down remembering how some kids can't and wake up ready to enjoy mine all the more... and if things don't go exactly perfectly the way you'd like, enjoy the way things turn out anyway... make lemonade... get silly... be extravagant... hold your head up, ya yeah, hold your head up... yeah, now there's an old song, aye?... shake it up a bit, or a lot... it's your life, do with it as you please... and above all else, make it fun...

I know I will...






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