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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-12-14 - 11:59 p.m.

government man 2 (part 2)



hey, you can find part one of this tale an entry back and if you're really into self-abuse, you can find the abbreviated (though only slightly) version an entry before that one, or here...

meanwhile, when we last visited our hero, he was between two slices of rye bread and covered in mustard... but have no fear, for we can hear the Oscar Meyer song somewere in the distance which means it's time for part two of the second telling of the story of the fly that ate the canary...

ok, so did our hero, with complete disregard for human life, cast aside his responsibilities to the poor helpless children left in his care?... exactly what did happen that dark day in November, the 17th, wasn't it?... when the wonderful government man opened his heart and the state database to our favorite data boy?...

ready?...

flashback sequence... that day, my first day of actual access to the online database, I called our government man to ask questions that needed answering before I could upload data... he didn't have time to answer my questions, and so on the next day I sent him a detailed email...

that was Thanksgiving week, in case the calendar isn't handy, so I wasn't surprised when I didn't get an answer... I was surprised when, on November 22nd, the government man emailed to tell us that the database would once again be down the following week and when it came back up there would be yet another new security login process that would mean another change in how everyone accessed the system...

they'd been doing this since they first went online again in late September and it was getting sadly comical...

when they came back online again after Thanksgiving, I was again locked out...

apparently, because I was new to the system and had never actually used it, I was not on the list of people automatically granted access by the people in the capitol... so I let our government man, the liaison, know what he should have known before I did, that new people who were never actually in the system needed to be added each time the database system was reset... and more time passed...

I queried our government man about the training he had mentioned for October that never came about... no response... I asked for instructions on how to use a file upload system wherein I entered data into a file on my computer (much faster and I could have been doing it all along) and uploaded the file once (the way our federal auditing agency handles the process) because the web is unreliable and slow... no response...

can it get any more grotesque?... we're dealing with government, remember... the web database they've created is so complete and poorly designed that navigation requires three to five clicks and page loads where one would easily suffice... so uploading a single record can take up to a dozen clicks, a dozen SSL page loads... after six months we have more than eight separate hundred records to upload...

an information logistics nightmare, if you understand all this gibberish...

but back to our government man who's job it is to train newbees like me and oversee the data upload process and protect and defend the poor children of this fine southern state...

we return to December 8th, again, late on a Friday afternoon, and an email arrives in my mailbox... I'd see it Monday, the 11th, for the first time... it said, in long winded government man talk (and some legalese), that if we didn't get our data in by December 31st, we'd be out of compliance with government regulations and in violation of our contract and might be penalized in all sorts of nasty bureaucratic and monetary ways...

I responded by saying I still didn't have access to the database (and refrained from adding "you idjit", which I was told as good restraint on my part), and inquired exactly how I was supposed to get started on six months worth of data even if it was remotely possible to upload it all in the three weeks (two weeks of working days) left in the year...

that's when our government man must have hit the panic button... his eyes wide, his mind still does not see... in his mad dash to cover his butt, he sent an email to me stating that he sent an email to me on November 17th telling me that I had access since November 17th and besides, the government is the government and the deadline is the deadline and tough titties cuz the deadline is the deadline...

ok, so he didn't say tough titties... but what he did do was he CCed the email to the two directors of our hospital and his boss in the state and two other people in the state who deal with the other databases I maintain (and maintain well because they know what they are doing)...

now I'm amused by this and am not retaliatory by nature, but my boss wanted to cover her butt and asked me to respond with Reply All... ah, such faith in me has she... and did I take the opportunity to ridicule him in front of his boss and peers?... who me?... naaaa, I believe in educating the stupid, not beating them up, so I simply pointed out that I did finally get access for the first time on November 17th, so first thing Monday morning I checked out the database and found questions that I sent to him... he knew when he responded, so I didn't have to point that out to him or his supervisors or his colleagues...

and the second point I made in my response was that the change in access at the top level prevented me from accessing the site... he knew I called Tallahassee to get access that day, the 11th of December, for the first time except for those three days in November when I was on hold awaiting his response, so I didn't have to mention that either...

I didn't hear from him until today when he called and assured me that he'd personally, as a professional courtesy, create upload file formats so I could use the faster file upload process and also help get all the data for our hospital in on time...

amazingly (or to be expected of idjits), he still hadn't actually read my emails... I noticed that when I referred to my emails and a vacant silence filled the phone at his end... so I walked him through the last one I sent, the one I numbered 1 through 10 as if I was explaining how to buckle a seat belt to a kid on the short bus, with issues he had to address if he was actually going to do his job...

with each point from 1 to 10 he sounded more surprised that I knew what I was talking about and more reassuring that he would deal with every point and more thankful for my pointing all this out and more promising to call back tomorrow and walk me through every step, like a personal telephone training all my own... he ended by saying, mostly to himself, that he was going to forward my email to the technical people in the capitol right away because they needed to know...

I didn't have the heart to tell him they already knew because as of Monday I stopped dealing with him as the liaison and started calling the people in the capitol directly, but he knew because somewhere during the call he quietly asked me to stop contacting the people at the capitol and to go through him for anything I needed...

I reminded him that the official letter of warning sent to our head administrator stated we had to justify any delays with official support ticket numbers from the help desk in the capitol and that the official manual for the database system stated who was to be contacted for certain questions or issues and I would be happy to continue CCing him whenever I followed the state protocols...

I didn't have to point out that I did not CC anyone in that 1 through 10 short bus email... I don't think he'll be CCing his bosses again... but then, I've learned to never underestimate the complacency, audacity, arrogance, or stupidity of government men... so we may have made progress with this particular work project, but only time will tell...

meanwhile, I have a whole lot of other work that I'll have to catch up on when this marathon data uploading is finally done in a few weeks...

and who knows, I might even get a little freelance babbling going again one of these days... there's always hope, after all (I hope)...

whatever you do, make it fun J






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