LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

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ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


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THE FAILURE


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FAT MAN WALKING
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FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-09-06 - 8:51 a.m.

what's going on now


I've been dreaming again... not just of a better world like in John Lennon's Imagine cuz that dream is always playing in the background of my mind... in this case I refer to my on again off again dream of romance, of falling in love again (never thought I would, as Marlene sang), of reawakening and being me again (actualizing instead of merely writing about it from the barely semi-conscious fringe)... I made a bit of mention of it in my most recent RealTime and myspace entries (can candora be far behind?)...

and it's not those superficial lust fantasies either...

not that they are so wrong



and Wacko Warner just has to slip his two cents (and tongue and cheek) into the mix... if you accept me as part toon, that is, as somehow (at least in personality and philosophy and energy) related to the Yacko, Wacko, and Dot (formally known as the Animaniacs) and a distant cousin of Bug (Bunny) and the Road Runner and Roger Rabbit (just to name drop a few of my ethereal relatives), then you might begin to understand some of my thought processes and humors... for instance, as a younger child, I wrote an essay for school about how I want to be a good dirty old man when I grew up... the teacher was not amused... I was and am a precocious child...

but I joke about the things that are not seriously dear to my heart and the while I still feel the same lusts I felt as a teenager, I also still seek so much more than a pretty face (that is, beauty to my eyes) and much more than a libido fantasy... of course it is much easier to stay superficial in lust here on the internet because we are two dimensional and unless we take the steps to call and talk and meet, we remain not too different than the characters we watch on TV...

as I see it, lust, whether it's for the body or for the personality, is when you want to know someone and can be anything your mind makes of it... while love blooms when you actually come to know someone and trust the reality you create together... and romance is when they are the same person...

but the most important aspect of this entry is the reawakening part... queue the Moody Blues Seventh Sojourn and Blue Jays... and when you wake up and Harry's Star Tripper... I've been gone a relatively long time in this life, sent out by my psyche to wander the stars so I could heal my heart and regain trust in my judgment again... and during this time away I desensitized this body as much as I could with a typical American diet (that of course includes a lot of Italian and Chinese food) and lack of exercise that allowed the numbness of atrophied muscles, especially torso muscles, to become my physical reality...

and in leaving this body and letting it waste away, I lost the constant contact with my conscious self (that I had spent so many years trying to lose through drugs and alcohol and silence {because music only brought me closer to home, so drugs sex and rock and roll were never the mindless escapes they might be for some}... the alcohol just made me stupid... the drugs just gave me a different perspective... the silence was deafening and brought me to the spaces between the stars where I could let go and lose that constant contact with consciousness, or perhaps we shall call it awareness at it's peak, awareness of virtually everything {not that it made me any wiser}, which may be a concept you can grasp but without the experience there is no actualized or real understanding of the moment of being there)...

and then, being there in love...

for you see, dear friends (in case it was not completely obvious by now), reawakening and being me again means being in love (and that is rather challenging to do all by myself, so without a partner the reawakening stalls or takes the shape of whatever lust driven fantasy I create remembering that lust does not always have to be physical as the mind can orgasm just as easily and wonderfully as the body and sometimes the libido {the body lust} might not get the vision is seeks, but the rest of the mind does)...

if being the inspiration for one of my lust-driven fantasies is in any way not a pleasant experience for you, please let me know because you're not wanting it is enough to deflate the bubble... no worries, we can still be friends if you like... I mention this because I've been told that my fantasies scare some people (I'm just a momentary stalker seeking temporary obsessions to fill the void until the real thing comes along, ya know?) who've had negative experiences or just don't understand me...

and I am a very visual person, so my journeys over at myspace have helped to awaken me because there are so many beautiful images (and people, to my eyes) there... and when I feel personality lust I awaken and take an assessment of me and find how far off from the me I want to be my actual me has wandered and can readjust my perspectives (for instance, the less harmful and more honestly loving lifestyles I am so drawn to remind me that I belong there)... and when I feel physical lust I awaken in this body and feel the sags and atrophy and lethargy and desensitized physical mess I've made of it and that inspires me to put the muscles into action and realign the spine and do what needs to be done to feel the sensitivity and awareness I can know I feel again...

and that leads me to the dreaming of falling in love again in the actual physical world (as opposed to just feeling inspired to write my constant love songs)... if you are not understanding what I mean, then maybe you've never been there, in that moment of being aware... and maybe you've never seen (or been to) the space between the stars...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

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AND WHATDYA MISS?
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who me?

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and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
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where've ya been?
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LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
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(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

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