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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-10-04 - 2:32 a.m.

what do you have to say for yourself?


I wrote the following on in the myspace blog one night after returning from a Say Anything concert and felt supercharged because I was down on the floor all night and the rush of bodies against bodies bouncing and pushing and dancing simultaneously drained me of all energy and recharged the batteries of the psyche so after the concert I was wired and feeling the edge that the band puts in their words and music and questioned the whole concept of blogging and myspace and being out here in words, but in the end I think the love of the musical weekend tainted the rage and I may have copped out on my confrontation, but maybe not for you as we each may what we want of the words and in reading, you make them yours...

and then I said...

I am not sure just why I am here (and it's probably just an illusion when I feel like I am sure why I am anywhere)... I stopped by here about two hours ago to say something and now I completely forgot what that was... I spent most of the last two hours trying to find a profile amidst all the profiles and had to go through all the pages three times because I must have missed it the first time and the computer froze a couple of times... this old computer and browsing myspace are not compatible... a new computer would be sensible, but then, who's sensible, what's sensible, and where the hell is sensible, anyway (I'm sure there's a town called Sensible, Somewhere in this world, right?)...

besides, I just spend $700 on phones and the car air conditioner died last week so until I find a money tree, I'll just try to remember I should leave some money in savings for that next tragedy or natural disaster like the old folks always told me to do... but then again, since when did I ever do what I was told to do?... who said, what said, why would anybody say anything anyway?...

this weekend was great... two concerts (Say Anything rocked, all the rest were great side dishes, though I wouldn't mind nibbling on a bit of Jenny Lewis as a main course, but that's besides the point)... but this entry is not about seduction of the usual sort...

I think I am remembering vaguely what I was going to do here... I was listening to Meg and Dia but though Dia can usually seduce me well, I was also hearing Say Anything in my head and I believe I was coming here to rant along with this Say Anything lyric:

ADMIT IT! Despite your pseudo-bohemian appearance and vaguely leftist doctrine of beliefs, you know nothing ABOUT art or sex that you couldn't read in any trendy new york underground fashion magazine...Proto-typical non-conformist. You are a vacuous soldier of the thrift store gestapo. You adhere to a set of standards and tastes that appear to be determined by an unseen panel of hipster judges-BULLSHIT-giving your thumbs up and thumbs down to incoming and outgoing trends and styles of music and art. Go analog baby, you're so post-modern. You're diving face forward into an antiquated past, it's disgusting! It's offensive! Don't stick your nose up at me!

Yeah, what do you have to say for yourself
Whaoh, whaoh, whaoh, whaoh

You spend your time sitting in circles with your friends, pontificating to each other, forever competing for that one moment of self aggrandizing glory in which you hog the intellectual spotlight, holding dominion over the entire SHALLOW....POINTLESS...conversation. Oh we're not worthy. When you walk by a group of quote-unquote normal people you chuckle to yourself, patting yourself on the back as you scoff. It's the same superiority complex shared by the high school jocks who made your life a living hell, makes you a slave to the competitive capitalist dogma you spend every moment of your waking life BITCHING about!

Yeah, what do you have to say for yourself
Whaoh, whaoh, whaoh, whaoh
Yeah, what do you have to say for yourself
Whaoh, whaoh, whaoh, whaoh

I'm proud of my life and the things that I have done, proud of myself and the loner I've become. You're free to whine. It will not get you far. I do just fine, my car and my guitar.

Well let me tell you this, I am shamelessly self-involved. I spend hours in front of the mirror making my hair elegantly disheveled. I worry about how this album will sell because I believe it will determine the amount of SEX I will have in the future. I self-medicate with drugs and alcohol to help treat my extreme social anxiety problem. You are a FAKER! (admit it!) You are a FRAUD! (admit it!) Yeah, you're living a lie (yeah) living a lie (yeah) you're life is living a lie. You don't impress me! (admit it!) You don't intimidate me! ADMIT IT! Why don't you bow down, get on the ground, walk this fucking plank!

Yeah, what do you have to say for yourself
Whaoh, whaoh, whaoh, whaoh

I'm proud of my life and the things that I have done. Proud of myself and the loner I've become. You're free to whine, it will not get you far. I do just fine, my car and my guitar, guitar go!
I'm drift drift drift drifting yeah
I'm drift drift drift drifting yeah oh

And I am done with this I wanna taste the breeze of every great city My car and my guitar So you come to me, made of these, urgent unfulfilled Oh no no no no no I have when I'm dead I'll rest But that's away still When I'm dead I'll rest, I'll rest

Yeah, what do you have to say for yourself
Whaoh, whaoh, whaoh, whaoh
Yeah, what do you have to say for yourself
Whaoh, whaoh, whaoh, whaoh



and the tired old voices of another generation urge caution when spitting into the wind cuz they think they know more when they forget where they've been and everybody's screaming the words to the song so no one is listening to know if they've got it wrong and the joke is on them and they become us and we're not laughing till the end when we get hit by the bus and the ones who make a fuss when they hear the kids cuss are the first ones to curse and what makes matters worse is they do it in verse chapter book line by line and pretend that by reading holy words they'll be fine but they'll never get it right when they think that the light is somewhere on the outside while they hide on the inside and get arrogant when confronted by the truth they are afraid to see and we will never admit that they are anything like you or me...





I think I had something else to say, but I've got to get up for work in the morning and that's just five hours away and I'll be leaving work early tomorrow to see Thursday (on Monday) and others at the House of Blues so I'll be home real late and have to get up for work again on Tuesday so I'll be walking the zombie trail but that's never stopped me before except maybe to make the point that we all become vacuous conformists at some point to some extent when we trade off something we want for something that will pay for that something we want so I'll trade off a few hours tonight and the words that might have come in order recharge the batteries and have more energy to bounce and rock and to rage against the machine in the mosh pit tomorrow night and not sleep at my desk on Tuesday... is this what they meant by planning ahead? Or maybe a bit (or bite) of irreverent self-sacrificing sarcasm for a giggle or a smirk as I slide off to bed, you decide... yeah, what do you have to say for yourself? whaoh, whaoh, whaoh, whaoh...







. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




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