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�2006 Candor Communications


2006-01-07 - 8:28 a.m.

five random things


well, at least I am keeping up with being three days behind... I suppose I could pop out four entries today and watch three get lost in the past but I figure I'll do that over the weekend when I have more time... I love you guys who go back and find the entries you missed cuz I really don't expect anyone to keep up with my babbling... in this whole lifetime only a few people every even tried, bless 'em...

someday my princess will come J

anyway, I want you to know that your thoughts and feelings about what I write do matter to me and when you find time to read past entries and comment I appreciate it and wish I could tell you how much, but suffice to say I love you for it and hope to someday throw a party that you can attend...

now what we have here today is a meme... I believe I was tagged by the darling dandy, though I wasn't really sure at first because I'm slow that way and don't like stealing another diarist's thunder (unless they're a really close friend and I'm goofing on them cuz I love them and want to show it in infinite ways... yup. justified teasing, I have a patent)...

five random things?... five more things you don't know about me?... when I first saw this meme I thought, good grief, what could you not know about me... well, if this is your first time here, then there's lots to choose from... but if you've read a while or just skimmed through my many Things lists, then you know hundreds of things about me, at least... so what else?...

and what of you already know one of the five things, would that make this five things list somehow invalid?... would I have cheated, providing less than five things you didn't know?... oh the pressure of the meme...

did you ever notice that I meme, which until this moment I had been reading as a single syllabic word, and incorrectly at that (hearing, in my head, a short e as opposed to a long e, so I was hearing meme sounding like men {except with an m instead of an n of course} or memory, when if read single syllabically, it is actually a long e due to the silent e on the end, so i should have been hearing meme as meet {except with an m instead of a t of course), but the point here being that I was reading and hearing it as a single syllabic word assuming the second e to be silent...

you must see where this is going by now...

so did you ever notice that meme could just as easily be read and hear as a two syllabic word, as in me me which would be so much closer to the meaning of the actual thing that the word represents... a way of writing about me and in some cases, two people, hence, me and me...

some, perhaps many of you already saw meme as a two syllabic word, so this bit of revelation is old school for you, but for the rest of us, or maybe just me, it's an interesting phenomenon which leads us to:

1. I love words, I love to play with words, I love exploring current meanings, possible meanings, and etymology... I love accents and exploring how different people from different places pronounce words, but even more, I love written language and love it when words have double and triple meanings... sometimes, without thinking, I'll use a different language word in the midst of a babble or I will find I put words together that have many layers of meaning... and sometimes I do that with intent, but most of the time I write without much intent and little or no forethought...

2. I can be analytical to the point of being over-analytical or what might be called anal-retentive or obsessive compulsive... but then, if you've read me even a little, this is probably obvious... what might not be as obvious (or perhaps it is even more obvious) is that I can be a comfortable slob as well... if you've seen or read The Odd Couple, then that is me... both of them... yes, I love to clean and organize stuff and love it when everything in my space looks and is perfectly arranged for my own personal optimal comfort and use... I love to read perfectly structured language too... I am a serious perfectionist and will never be completely satisfied with anything because there is always room for improvement because everything can change...

and yet, I as meticulously obsessive compulsive a perfectionist as I can be, I also love relaxing and as vigorously enthused as I can be the laziest most unconcerned with appearance or anything as anyone I've ever met... effective examples would include these facts: I have gone more than a week without bathing or brushing my teeth... I have left dishes in the sink for more than a month... I have lived in a carpeted place without vacuuming for an entire year... I have owned a fairly new car and not washed it for a few years... I've gone a few years without putting a comb or brush to my hair... I have left laundry piled wherever I undressed for several weeks until there is no visible carpet in the room... I have rambled on page after page without spell checking or reviewing or even glancing up at the screen to read for content, grammar, or typos (this you must have noticed by now)...

now, you might wonder how someone who, at times, has a toilet seat sanitary enough to be a dinner plate and at other times might have the kind of mold and mildew that looks like it's trying to grow legs and cart the whole toilet away can live with himself...

the answer is simple... I am a chameleon...

let to my own devices, when I live alone, I tend to live simply so clutter and dirt doesn't pile up much (for instance, I use pan/pot and one plate/bowl and one set of utensils and wash them when I want to cook/eat again... I love water passionately, so I love showers... and so on, so in my natural habitat I am a relatively clean and mostly tidy person)... however even alone my laundry might pile up in the corner or closet for weeks... I can justify such laziness with my desire to conserve water (and therein we can see the skipping of showers justification as well, though that is not as easy for me)... so overall, I am probably leaning more toward the neat freak Felix (referencing the book/film mentioned above) than the slob Oscar... the difference is that I don't panic as Felix might and I can lounge around comfortable in squalor as Oscar can...

I adjust to my environment and pick up the habits of the person or people I live with... my longest relationship, just over eight years, was with a seriously ocd neat freak and I loved that environment almost as much as my all-time favorite living space, the home I bought and lived in alone (though I was not alone for long as guests regularly visited and a few stayed a while, one for a couple of years)... I had the healthiest lawn in the neighborhood (my closest friend at the time had a lawn care business and though I did all the work myself, I got everything I needed wholesale and an education in lawn care and landscaping for free)... the inside of that home was relatively sparse, awaiting the one to come along and do whatever she pleased to the indoor space (unfortunately, she never did find the place or me, still hasn't, alas, but this is no time for a lonely lament... even if the linked little ditty was written amidst all this babbling... I compartmentalize well, huh?)...

did I provide five things you never knew about me yet?...

3. I don't cheat unless I want to... I don't cheat in a personal interaction, in my sharing myself with you, or in a gamed played with friends, or in a test I take measuring my knowledge or ability... I don't cheat when it matters to me, when I am being real...

I have little problem cheating when I tell you I am cheating (you may have noticed that habit of teasing in my ramblings) or when I am cheating a corrupt institution or person... I will rob from the rich to give to the poor (and include myself in the poor when I am poor)... I will keep a bank error in my favor, or extra change in a store, though I do return errors to tellers and store clerks who are not snooty and who are paying attention to me because respectful people deserve respect in return... I will speed when I am in a hurry, I will not come to a complete stop at a stop sign every time... I will itemize and file any number of additional forms to exaggerate my expenses for tax purposes...

my moral and ethical fiber is perhaps as flexible as any part of me... there is no right or wrong, there is only balance... I am quite content and happy with myself as long as I feel (and can calculate) that on balance, I have given away more than I have received in this life and there's no question on that point from any perspective in any commodity, tangible or ethereal...

though I feel most strongly that intentional harm is the one wrong I will personally judge as wrong, I am not into judgments and see rainbows in everything and know that there is much more to see than the visible spectrum (in other words, nothing is purely black and white... which may be a way to lead into the ultimate irony of the catch-phrase or sub-title of (or perhaps it's the co-title) of this diary... or this could be another subtle tease as I cheat my way back to the bigger point of this entry)...

4. I do as I please... I believe in freedom and do not believe in labels, but if you were to label me I would probably be labeled an humanist or agnostic or anarchist who reluctantly accepts something like spirituality and libertarianism mixed with democracy and communism as the ideal form of society for human beings, though perhaps not at this time in human development... and then again, perhaps anytime is a good time to let the shit hit the fan and therein let natural selection take it's course... I believe in the behaviorally and biologically demonstrated facts of life, that Darwin and Freud spoke many truths, though still from a narrow and egocentric personal and cultural bias, and that all truths are relative... as for accountability, I am accountable to myself and my ideals which are first to always, every moment, to the best of my ability, always seeking to improve, live my ideals and above all else, do no harm, honesty, and love... I believe I know one thing for certain and that is that I can be wrong...

again, I am not sure if any of this is new information to anyone who's read me for a while, but then, I am honesty making an effort to follow the meme because I love the person who tagged me and as always, I intend no harm...

even as I tease J

5. I love to tease... whether it's a feather or fingers to skin or subtle multiple meanings in words or some concrete product of my labors, whether it is personal or collective or professional, whether it is sensual or intellectual or emotional or supernatural, whether it is with friends or strangers or alien visitors from another planet from a distant galaxy who came to the Earth with powers and abilities far beyond the mortal man or what humans would ironically call a dumb animal, I love to tease...

I have no doubt that I mean no harm and I accept that everything is relative and always changing and I do not fear being wrong or making a mistake or looking the fool and I love the unknown and exploring puzzles and confusions and mazes and I trust myself to be able to handle anything and do my best to fix anything that may go wrong...

and I know life is temporary and no matter how serious something may appear or seem or feel at any given moment, in time it will be funny (or some humor can be found or made of it, see Mel Brooks parodies of the Bible or Hitler, for examples) and eventually it will be either meaningless or forgotten (what do we know of prehistoric times or even of the Aztec or Inca or Egyptian cultures, really?... I mean, what does it matter if Cleopatra's whole day was ruined in whatever B.C. by a big pimple on her nose?.. or if Genghis Kahn sat out, or stood aside, actually, a certain battle due to hemorrhoids?... or even if a whole civilization was wiped out by a plague or comet or ice age?... eventually, everything turns to dust in the wind and nothing else matters)...

so I bring these perspectives (thoughts, feelings, qualities, characteristics) with me as part of (maybe the foundation for) my personality and every decision I make at any moment... and this diary, as much as it is my releasing myself into words for my own sake, it is just as much my public service announcement, so to speak... and if you didn't already see this about me, then you're taking me and these words and probably everything else much too seriously so I recommend that you read Douglas Adams and find a new drug, cuz the one you're taking may not be working...

additional readings: Aldous Huxley, George Orwell, Robert Heinlein, Ray Bradbury, Isaac Asimov, Stephen Hawkings, Robert Watson, Albert Camus, Samuel Beckett, Jean-Paul Sartre, Neil Gaiman, Fredrich Nietzsche, Charles Dickens, and Dr. Seuss...

please note that religions and any ideas that guide your decision-making process through life are opiates of the masses and when considering switching drugs...

also note that all of the authors on the list are male and I wish I knew of female authors I could want to add to that list because I do not want to believe that throughout history, females did not write down some profound enlightening words because I do want to believe that females probably had profound enlightened thoughts before males did...

maybe, in spite of the fact that females were oppressed by almost every human culture known to history, that points to the point that throughout history, males always seemed to feel the need to make some point and females were content to live the points instead of telling everybody else how to live for some ego gratification...

apparently I am, at least on this point, quite clearly male with a point to share... I'll let you know if I ever get to it... and all five of these long winded bits of information about me may already be quite obvious to many of you, so maybe I should have just done this:

1. I hit a girl.
2. I want to be known, truly and intimately and completely, by at least one person in this life, however I am quite happy letting everybody wonder about me, never being sure whether I am serious or just kidding.
3. I almost always have nocturnal emissions, wake up with an erection, and am so intensely horny all the time that I can get almost numb.
4. I burp a whole lot more than I fart and say excuse me even when I am alone.
5. I was a child pedophile.

and there would probably be a fine moment to have just ended this entry and perhaps someday some wise editor will come along and, ummm, edit me, that is, cut me off at the best time for maximum impact and entertainment value... there are probably a dozen brief entries in each of my entries in this diary (and many more when we consider many fine {and favorite} diaries have but a few lines in each entry)... I imagine, sometimes, just how profound or irreverent or popular or humorous or meaningful or whatever my writing might be given the treatment of a good editor... or even a mediocre one... of course much of that wondering is insatiable ego's mad desire to be the greatest everything to everyone, so I don't take myself or my writing all that seriously...

if the ID is the unconscious impulsive mind, could the ego be known as the IG?... well, in my case, I dub my ego IG simply to emphasize (to me, at least), that it is an Insatiable Ego... so what would that make ID?... Intelligent Design?... Ignorant Defense?... Insatiable Depth?... Identification?... hmmm, maybe, as consciously apparent as ego is in identifying who a person is, the true person can not be identified until you know their ID... something about living with someone for forty years and not knowing him until you hold him over a volcano (trivial pursuit: what movie reference is that and what was the original reference that the movie was referencing?)...

ok, well, I think I've distracted you from the shocking revelations of this list of five things you never knew about me and wandered from the point of this entry quite enough to be able to conclude, hoping you've learned something and feel I at least followed the intent of the meme, if not the letter, cuz I do not mean any disrespect (cuz that would be harm) in my irreverences and sarcasms and peculiar personal style...

and if you came by this entry via a search engine and read this far down the page, well, after you check whether it's time for your medication, it's time to decide what to do next... you can do it, just click on something... or write a list of things about yourself... consider yourself tagged, if it helps... or if you still have a few brains cells left, consider exploring your motor cortex... fire a few neurons and see if your legs still move... can you stand up?... go ahead, show me...

very good... now do you know where outside is?...

don't just look, find your front door... there should be a roundish protrusion on the side about half way up... that's called the doorknob... firmly place your hand around it and turn it and pull (some of you may have to push)... that is how you get outside, but you have to walk through the opening (it's called a doorway)...

walk around until you find another person and say hello... tell them I sent you... if they don't walk away, give them my address, heck, give them my phone number and tell them I'm expecting their call...

anytime...

my number is over in the column on the left... always has been... oh, and I forgot to mention that you should get dressed before you do that doorknob trick and wander outside... people kind of expect that and will most likely get all sorts of strange if you don't have clothes on when you walk up to them and say hello...

of course if was just me, there'd be no need to dress, but I doubt I'm going to be the one you walk up to... if I am, you don't have to give me my number...

I already know it...

but there's another thing you might not have known about me J






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