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�2006 Candor Communications
2005-10-15 - 5:15 p.m.
a night in the life (and ongoing death) of fat Elvis
(aka: tales from the psych ward)
ok, so the story goes something like this...
was visited by fat Jesus, skinny Buddha,
Mohammed the Wandering Jew,
and others
(and there I was at work missing it all)...
here we are at work again... I know, just when I should be taking some time off so I do not stress out, here I am... but Berry asked me weeks ago to cover this night for her, so I couldn't very well cancel out on it)... the irony is that the shift charge nurse (of laughter and legend), who shall heretofore be known as the mouse witch in this diary to protect her virginity and all, is actually working tonight, which is overtime for her too...
what a coinkydink...
she came over looking for our nurse and took one look at me and turned and ran off the unit... she's probably all upset now because she won't be able to relax enough to get her sleep break, since sleep breaks are against written policy and she is has brought it to the attention of the DON, by way of trying to cover her butt by lying about me, that the cameras should be checked more often... so when she disappears from view for extended periods, she'll have to wonder if she's going to be asked why by administration � or even reported on by her staff...
and here I sit where I am supposed to be, in the hall outside of the kids bedrooms smiling at the camera, busily working on projects that are not my job, but do make various managers look very good and keep the place organized and operating much more effectively and efficiently... well, those reports and chart paperwork are on this computer and my disks too... but my stress management for tonight is to give myself some writing time so I can more effectively perform my job... let them tell me I shouldn't and I'll hand them back all the reports and paperwork I do that is not my job...
I doubt they want to go there intentionally...
poor Mousewitch... she probably thought she was going to get a good night sleep tonight because the schedule maker neglected to scratch Berry's name off the schedule and insert mine, so my being here must have come as quite a shock to the little mouse's system...
no, I have no sympathy for her at the moment...
she put staff and kids at risk and lied about it to cover her butt and she deserves all the stress she regularly lays on all but her favorite staff...
a perfect example presents itself tonight...
one of her favorites, who freely admits with a big smile that she (the favorite staff) could not care less how the files get filed or whether t's are crossed or i's are dotted and worse, she regularly insults and intimidates the kids when no one is around who might report her... she's very careful to be friendly and polite when I and supervisors who care are around, but the underground reporting that any organization has tells the tales... the kids are afraid to say anything because she (or any staff) can effect their privileges and progress as each staff fills out a report on the kids whenever they have something to report (and some staff seem to enjoy provoking kids and the drama that creates... there's a syndrome and I forget the name at the moment, but it's when someone creates a need just so they can fill it... like someone who sets a fire so they can report it and be a hero... there are more than a few such types in this place... and then there are those supervisors like Mousewitch who do as little as possible and who's primary focus is making sure she has as little as possible to do, all else be damned, including the kids...
am I ranting again?...
well, it's healthy for me to let it out...
anyway, this favorite who happens to be a very friendly person, one of those beaming smile people, on the surface (it's only when you listen to her for hours that you find out the dark side, confusion, and anger beneath the surface... her son had to be sent to her ex-husband because she got too violent with him... need to know more?... whatever is she doing in this field?... that is my point, I suppose) she is the life of the party... as I was saying before I interrupted myself, this favorite staff has not shown up for work the last two nights (leaving us short staffed tonight, surprise surprise)... anyone but one of Mousewitch's favorites would be hung out to dry, especially since the last staff meeting agenda included, and I quote the head hospital administrator, "a zero tolerance for no-call no-shows"... this particular two days of no-call no-show that leaves the hospital understaffed will probably be swept under the rug because the person in charge, our own dear Mousewitch, will lie to her supervisors...
they will pay me for the break I will not take because taking it would leave the unit with one staff on it and that is not acceptable and I will no longer let it be hidden that it happens all the time by going along with the program of ignoring the nights we do not get breaks... this is one of those little chess moves I mentioned a few entries back... see, when it comes to their budget, they notice the details... so paying me for these nights when we are short staffed will bring top level management attention to the staffing situation without my saying another word...
though I might say "Boo" just for the fun of it...
it really is a shame that the health care system in this country has degenerated into an impersonal big business, but that is, if we are honest, the overall attitude of our human culture... a woman can be screaming for help outside of a crowded apartment building and every resident in that apartment building will turn up their TV or radio or perhaps peek out between their blinds, but getting involved is not the norm... if you don't believe me, look up the name Kitty Genovese (for one example)... but that couldn't happen in your town, right?...
anyway, I decided a long time ago that I was not god or any sort of miracle worker savior being, I was just another working slob nudging the pebbles up the hill to the mill with my nose (to mix a few metaphors just for the fun of words) and the best I could do was sacrifice my life by becoming part of the system and polishing a few pebbles when I can, turning out a gem or two as the opportunity presents itself, and becoming an irritant that might get enough attention to a problem that the problem might get fixed, if just a little... one tiny individual problem at a time...
the trick is learning how to become that irritant without leaving bread crumbs that lead directly to a direct action that I took that was outside of the policies and procedures and acceptable protocols of the system... in other words, if everyone is ignoring something, say a broken cog that is accepted because it is easier to let it be than to change the system that breaks that cog, well... get my finger caught in the broken cog accidentally, that's ok... everyone must act concerned and surprised as the broken cog is brought to collective consciousness and everyone must agree that something must be done because it's only right, after all... but point out that there is a broken cog and everyone is ignoring it, that is being a troublemaker and not being a team player...
survival with sanity intact from within in the system is not an easy task sometimes, but the rewards are knowing you've lived up to your ideals, you've met your standards, and you've done the best you can to make the world a better place... you did good...
so I just took a half hour break from this rambling to create a new form... it may appear, as many of the forms I create, out of the blue on some counters around the hospital and some manager may like it and want to start using it formally... a few dozen auditing, tracking, and reporting forms were added to the official policy and procedures in just that way... those little pebbles I mentioned before, ya know?...
this particular form will be one they do not wish to see and it will not be presented to anyone formally or informally... it will not even be left around casually... it will be accidentally noticed by just the right person at just the right time, for it is a tracking form for staffing ratio specifically identifying times when understaffing occurs at it's worst (one staff left alone in a hallway or on a unit)... when it is noticed, it may or may not be asked about, but word of it will spread like wildfire and the undercurrent of awareness will force management to either ask me why I am doing it (as if they do not know) or they will acknowledge such tracking is needed and ask me to develop a form (as if they didn't know I already had)... it's a matter of culpability, reasonable denial of knowledge that they must maintain, at least in an organizationally acceptable facade, in order to keep from being convicted of fraud, malpractice, malfeasance, or criminal negligence...
it is that precarious balance between acknowledged awareness and accepted ignorance that we all must maintain... I because I can let them pretend they didn't know there was such a problem and they are good people who discovered the problem and are eager and willing to fix it... them because they know they were aware of the problem and everybody knows they got away with ignoring it as long as they could, but as long as they fix it we won't say anything that might embarrass them or get them in more serious trouble... another term for it is forcing their hand...
but then, it often only works temporarily, like a patch on a levee... or like a reprimand for congressional abuse of power in the way of availing themselves of the perk of sexual favors from political groupies, pages, and staff that becomes a scandal for a few years, costs a few politicians their jobs, and then goes right along happening under the rug as it always has... payola?... cronyism?... nepotism?... not in your town, right?...
and now that I've been a hard working team player, I think I'll take a break and play some hearts (I'd play something else, but heart is the only game on this computer that I like)... of course I am just kidding, because I would never goof off on company time... this and every entry about work is just a parody of what could happen if systems break down and nobody cares...
see ya later...
and the story continues...
when his mind is awake
he is just too aware
he sees things no one sees
and where no one would care
he is awake when all the world's asleep
and he find the promises that no one will keep
peace on Earth peace on Earth
good will to all good will to all
hallelluya halleyluya
hear the call hear the call
of the goodness feel the goodness
in your hearts in every heart
love your neighbor love your neighbor
that's how it starts please let it start
that's your part play your part
let it start let it start
in your heart in your heart
let it start here and now
in your heart
he is an angel in disguise
when his mind is asleep
so innocent so real
that his dreams are of deep
feelings that no one feels
for fear keeps them asleep when they're awake
and he sees the promises that they all break
peace on Earth peace on Earth
good will to all good will to all
hallelluya halleyluya
hear the call hear the call
of the goodness feel the goodness
in your hearts in every heart
love your neighbor love your neighbor
that's how it starts just let it start
that's your part play your part
let it start let it start
in your heart in your heart
let it start here and now
in your heart
some will call him madman
some will call him saint
some will want to kill him
some will want to faint
some will run in horror
some will face the truth
that everyone is just like him
early in their youth
he just believes the fairy tales were better than
this modern world made up by grown up man
and if you can come up with any better plan
he's listening... we're listening...
peace on Earth peace on Earth
good will to all good will to all
hallelluya halleyluya
hear the call hear the call
of the goodness feel the goodness
in your hearts in every heart
love your neighbor love your neighbor
that's how it starts oh let it start
that's your part play your part
let it start let it start
in your heart in your heart
let it start here and now
in your heart
the gospel hour is brought to you by...
I told you, I am a flexible chameleon... a few of the staff play gospel music in the hall at night... I'm working with another one tonight... so halleluiah and praise your goodness and pass the peace pipe and let's get it on...
to some I may be fat Elvis...
tonight I may be fat Jesus, skinny Buddha, maybe Mohammed the Wandering Jew... Harry Krishna, at your service... take your time, choose wisely (but they're all the same, you know)...
I sometimes miss the days of flowers and magic mushrooms... those where the days of our lives...
and did I really outlive them all?
I long for another
someone who can share
like sister and brother
someone who can love
like father or mother
someone who can be
here and now, for each other
all my dreams are here
gently surround me
most are in my head
so few have found me
that's why they are dreams
made to astound me
can you understand
or will you pound me
all my friends are gone
never forgotten
when love's at the core
nothing is rotten
will you stay with me
up to the end
all I ever needed
was a friend
all I ever wanted
was a friend
all that ever mattered
were my friends
just a friend
a true friend
all my friends are gone
damn I outlived them
still I carry on
and I forgive them
for I have a dream
that someday somehow
we'll all be together
just like we are now
all my friends are gone
I long for another
someone who can share
like sister and brother
someone who can love
like father or mother
someone who can be
here and now, for each other
all my dreams are here
gently surround me
most are in my head
so few have found me
that's why they are dreams
made to be shared
can you understand
how much I cared
all my friends are gone
never forgotten
when love's at the core
nothing is rotten
will you stay with me
up to the end
all I ever needed
was a friend
all I ever wanted
was a friend
all that ever mattered
were my friends
just a friend
a true friend
all my friends are gone
I long for another
someone who can share
like sister and brother
someone who can love
like father or mother
someone who can be
here and now, for each other
maybe he was just an old man who lived long enough to have no need for material things so he lived without greed and as he picked fresh food he'd plant another seed so the world would renew yes he knew more indeed, just an old man who no one would heed...
will no one stay awake with me?...
the boy longs for love
he takes a pen to write
all that he dreams of
the passion for the fall
the blessing of the trust
the giving of it all
the hope, the fear, the lust
and all alone he dreams
someone will understand
the wisdom of his youth
the magic in his hand
and in his laugh he cries
for loneliness must ache
love is a mending thing
so something must break
the passion for the fall
the blessing of the trust
the giving of it all
the hope, the fear, the lust
in all philosophies
the story is the same
the blessing and the curse
right and wrong is the game
but all the labeling
has gotten us nowhere
does no one have the words
to make the answer clear
the passion for the fall
the blessing of the trust
the giving of it all
the hope, the fear, the lust
to feel love's healing bliss
we all do what we must
the passion for the fall
the blessing of the trust
so many rooms in the mind, so many stories to find, some full of pain and some primed for pleasure like sight to the blind, the stories blossom and unwind, some seem so cruel and some kind, so many rooms in the mind, so many stories to find, some erased and some underlined, none are ever left behind... no, none are ever left behind...
it was an early morning barroom and the place just opened up...
just because they are paid more than I am paid
and I do more work than any of them do
and when I go home I don't get laid
should I be upset with those who lie about me
just because they feel guilty for what they do
or maybe they're defensive and lash out at
anyone who knows or says what's true
maybe they have integrity
and it is eating them alive
and they are really suffering
contradicted inside
maybe they have a conscience
and it's driving them insane
so they act irrationally
and it makes sense in their brain
so they use lies to justify their sleeping on the job
and they use lies to justify their petty power trips
and they use lies to justify their piss poor attitudes
and they play victim when confronted as if you're rude
and they use lies to try to get rid of
anyone who doesn't go along
so should I be upset with them
just because they are this wrong?
no, I'm just upset with them when they do me wrong
I just react when they do me wrong
because I don't want to believe they don't care
I don't want to believe they are just here
to collect a paycheck and do as little as they can
I do not want to believe that is their plan
and if it is then please just tell me where I stand
I want to understand
should I be upset with those who sleep around me
just because they leave me their work to do
and they get offended if I point it out to them
as if they don't believe that it is true
should I be upset with those who lie about me
just because they feel guilty for what they do
or maybe they're defensive and lash out at
anyone who knows or says what's true
maybe they have a good reason
maybe I am the one who's wrong
but if I started talking naps
I don't think I'd be here long
maybe there will always be those
who get other on those who care
so should I be upset with those
who do not do their share
when they use lies to justify their sleeping on the job
and they use lies to justify their petty power trips
and they use lies to justify their piss poor attitudes
and they play victim when confronted as if you're the one who's rude
and they use lies to try to get rid of
anyone who doesn't go along
so should I be upset with them
just because they are this wrong?
no, I'm just upset with them when they do me wrong
I just react when they do me wrong
because I don't want to believe they don't care
I don't want to believe they are just here
to collect a paycheck and do as little as they can
I do not want to believe that is their plan
and if it is then please just tell me where I stand
I want to understand
and the light of day washes away the fairy tales and dreams as people wake to take so much and give so little it seems that they really don't care about anything other than themselves no wonder wars are fought over products that pile up on our shelves... where is the love in what we sell?... were is the love?... this feels like hell...
thank you for coming along with me
we went to work tonight to see the same old things
and it still does not make sense to me
the dream of love I felt was the most real thing
the frustration was just fatigue
cuz I'm sick and tired of the pretentious games
I want someone in the same league
how far do you run
how high do you fly
can you dig yourself in
can you touch the night sky
how much do you feel
how far can you go
will you embrace it all
and be part of the show
which part do you want
do you know?
this was a journey through my world of work
thank you for sharing it with me
I'd like to have more hope for our health care
but it still does not make sense to me
this was a journey through some of my mind
thank you for sharing it with me
I'd like to have more hope for human kind
but it still does not make sense to me
how far do you run
how high do you fly
can you dig yourself in
can you touch the night sky
how much do you feel
how far can you go
will you embrace it all
and be part of the show
which part do you want
do you know?
I want to save the world
I want to save myself
I want to share it all
with somebody else
I want to give it all
and feel it in return
I want to understand
how much we have to learn
on this journey through this universe
thank you for sharing this moment with me
I'd like to believe there is intelligent life
but it still does not make sense to me
the wars and greed and fear
seem more important here
than all the noble words
are they just for the birds
do we just fool ourselves
with stuff upon our shelves
I want to believe in more
than going to the store
so how much do you have
and what is your true wealth
what matters most to you
and how is your health
are you just one of those
who lies to get along
or are you someone who
dares to sing your own song
can you tell me what is wrong?
and where do we belong?
this was a journey through my simple mind
thank you for coming along with me
we went to work tonight to see the same old things
and it still does not make sense to me
the dream of love I felt was the most real thing
the frustration was just fatigue
cuz I'm sick and tired of the pretentious games
I want someone in the same league
how far do you run
how high do you fly
can you dig yourself in
can you touch the night sky
how much do you feel
how far can you go
will you embrace it all
and be part of the show
which part do you want
do you know?
to infinity and beyond... sometimes I wish my life was a non stop Hollywood movie show... in the still of the night... welcome back my friends to the show? that never ends... or so it seems, hey, we all have our dreams and you know I'm not one who pretends... or one of those who can easily hide... well, you know I can be found, sitting all alone, if you can't come around, at least please telephone... or do whatever feels right to let me know you were here (but don't be cruel, ya know?) and if you don't mind... love me tender...
maybe I'm back to being fat Elvis...
burp...
thank you very much...
. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)
< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >
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the moment
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