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(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

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real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

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PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
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let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-09-12 - 9:16 a.m.

falling in love again


this is a continuation of the work babbling, but since you might want to take a bathroom break occasionally and I know my ramblings go on and on and on and...

I decided to break up last night's work ramble into three entries... this would be the second... for those of you who, like me, cringe at any break in continuity and wonder how it might have read or felt to read the entire bight's workblog in one sitting, well, I'll repeat the last few lines now and then flow right into the part two part and if that's not good enough, maybe we can negotiate a page with all of it together, if only to expose the steady stream of whatever passes through my mind while at work on a night when I decided to give myself time to babble...

yeah, well, all that may be as it may be, or be that as it may, be, or something like that, here we go:

...blah blah blah about work... and I just try to keep smiling (which probably irritates the more insecure or ignorant ones all the more) and continue doing what I do...

and that's enough noise about work... let's see what else might be on my mind at the moment...

as some of you have noticed, I've falling in love again (albeit fantasy, but gotta keep my heart in practice, ya know?)... it's a mostly superficial love affair as facial images have seduced me into waking up my heart and imagining how love feels and writing about what i want to give and share in a relationship...

just everything, how about you?...

it's fun and exciting to feel attracted to a pretty face (and what me and my libido find to be attractive may or may not be what you or popular opinion deem attractive, but that's the beauty of individuality... so be as beautiful as you are and those who have the chemicall and psychological imprints of your appearance and personality will adore you)... you want to know mine, dig up a link to my libido's website, I've surely tossed it in my babblings often enough by now... if you're lazy, start with Meg Ryan, Mila Kunis, Nicole DeBoer, that Garofalo girl, Sandra Bullock, and...

oh, ok, here...

if you know me, then you know libido does not rule my world (though the clown does have a seat on the board and it is so much easier to fall in love with someone with that chemical psycho's approval)... also, to prevent further outbreaks of la la rejection like the kind I faced back in June, if I am not physically attracted to you, do not expect sex... and if that means we can not be friends, well, that is your choice... I don't see people primarily as sex objects, but it amazes me to find out how many people do... I'd much rather find a true friend than a lover...

you know the song?...

so in these days of looking for somewhere to turn for unconditional intimate trust and honesty in the physical world, I keep hope alive by imagining love, for it is as ready, willing, and able inside of me as it ever was... experience and knowledge have given me an awareness of the potential hurts (and some profound scars), but there's no point in denying myself the one and only most favoritest dream of all among my dreams...

the hopelessly hopeful romantic in me stays alive and well in spite of eons of loneliness and mountains of hurts by falling in love as often as possible in my imagination (which has always been my second favorite place to be)... and sometimes the words flow (you have met candora, haven't you?) and if you're here just for the political rants or the daily life details or the manic browsing and linkages or the praise I might find you inspired this week or anything else, well, feel free to skip the mush and be all macho cool...

I won't hold it against you...

literally...

of course if you do enjoy a romantic fantasy, feel free to let me know (as my dear hearts already do)... who knows, one of these days the pieces might come together and someone with an imagination like mine who enjoys romantic fantasies and babbling and music and other intangibles (dare I imagine libido falls too?) might just pass a few love notes back and forth (an epic romantic correspondence?...

ah, nicim has the magic for that head over heals above all the rest...

but I suppose I can learn...

apparently I tease way too much for most people... my balance of security and comfort and insecurity and whatever just seems to intensify the closer I share and my desire for unconditional trust seems to take over and routinely test whether the trust is really unconditional by teasing unmercifully... when the psychological match and chemistry is right, that is... it's all so very complex...

did I mention sarcasm is one of my favorite ways to tease?... it's really a cleverly disguised intelligence test, you know... well, if you know, then it's not so cleverly disguised, now is it?... the rest of you fail, but don't let that worry you none, you won't know it...

and just before a chorus of "what in the heck is he talking about?" rings through the cyber landscape, let's change the subject...

...

(yes, another cleverly irreverent segue, maybe)...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
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