hello out there in East Philadephia... and in the Delaware Valley... and the Pacific Northwest, to Washington, Oregon, Northern California, Vancouver... hello to 105th street... and to the Carmel Valley... hello to Central Texas and hello Eastern Minnesota... hello Detroit, St. Louis... hello Seattle... hello Western New York and hello to the Greater Toronto Area... hello Winnepeg... hello San Diego... hello NYC... hello Brooklyn... hello Miami... hello Tucson... hello Hawaii... hello world... hello universe... hello beyond... hello friends I've yet to meet and to all friends I've known... hello lovers who've come and gone and lovers yet to be... hello hearts I've lived in and hearts still living in me... hello to all of you reading and all the rest... hello to you who just got here...

hello...

I was glancing through my stats for this site and found references to all of the places I mentioned above, though I have no real idea who belongs to which referenced place... I decided to say hello anyway and if you feel it, yay... and if I missed you, feel it anyway cuz I'd like you to... hug yourself for me...

and now, here's a recap of this day in the life as I know it... in this life in black and white (with so many subtle layers of meanings)...

this morning I enjoyed an animal cracker... I tend to imagine them as being alive and giving their life force to me, willingly cuz they love me that much... it's the kind of irreverent seriousness (or seriously irreverent reverence) and sincere respect I feel for life, all life (including the grain that became the animal cracker) and the natural way of things here in this life...

and people used to say I was too sensitive... ha...

I also ate some Very Cherry fruit cocktail... the name is a misnomer, because there are actually very few cherries in the can... it's part of my emergency hurricane boxes and I figured I'd try it cuz I never did before... now I remember why I do not buy canned fruit, but for candy, it wasn't too bad...

and for a meal, I had pastrami on an onion roll with spanish rice... the pastrami was fatty, but outside of NYC I've never found good pastrami... still, I get the urge to have some every few months and hope that TooJays might surprise me with some good stuff...

then it was later... and the day was passed:

copying library CDs (one of these days I'll get around to making a list that will continue where my library left off... once, life was infused with music... now I hear too many sighs)...

watching X2 (yeah, I'm a sucker for a glimpse of Anna Paquin {or any of my libido fantasies... who/what are yours?... pure visual fantasies are wonderful moments, but eternities are found in real human eyes that open to mine... and, sigh, in music)...

going to I-Hop for lunch (all-you-can-eat popcorn shrimp... the food was overpriced, the service mediocre, and it's not recommended, at least not at the location on 436 just south of 50 {that's Orlando talk for where it is, ya know}... and whatever happened to my healthy eating gym going fitness habit?... giving into roommate's habits is too easy an excuse for my ignoring the fact that I have will power when I want to... like my sweet doctor said at my last check up, "it's your stroke" and she stomped out of the exam room so well I was really impressed with her psychological skills... I know... like she (doctor) says, "today sets the tone for the next few decades"... time to refocus, I suppose... yes, music would help, and a true friend with healthy habits in the living space would be a major help, but the motivation starts within, ya know... hiccup)...

glancing up at football games (and yelling scores back and forth to Rasputin who sits at his computer in his room, behind a standing fan that distorts everything we say, especially him cuz he speaks into the fan... I suppose I will check my fantasy sports leagues one of these days... I'm about as enthused with them as you are, but my love of numbers and games will return eventually... I think I am tiring of my attempt to be a guy phase and want to return to my sensitive weird artist phase, but I also want to expand my circle of offline friends and that'll tend to just isolate me even more... are these parentheses telling?)...

and watching (and laughing) I Loved The 90s on VH1 with Precious while typing out the second part of this entry (which would be the part after "and then it was later" in case I didn't specifically mention that I paused in the writing of this entry and you did not catch on to this fact when I wrote "and then it was later"...

and as if Mr. Grey was reading one of my minds (the one that faces backward in order to see forward) a few winters ago in the blizzards of Buffalo, NY, all references to Stephen King and even Harry Potter aside (music isn't the only stuff floating through my head), Precious just switched channels to a movie she set the reminder thing to remind her that it was coming on (and my mind was referring to my thought about wanting to return to my sensitive weird artist phase, remember?... yeah, I say that as if you were reading my mind too, huh?)... what movie, you are dying to know, right?... well, no, not The Princess Bride or an almost-too-good-to-be-true Meg Ryan movie, but a simply sappy love story for hopelessly hopeful romantics like me, Serendipity...

and a blast from the past (no reference to that Alisha Silverstone film of the same name, except that she's adorable too) comes to the surface from the depths of my memory... once upon a time I did that box inside a box thing when I gave my first girfriend a first year anniversary gift... there were thirty-six boxes in all because I took two pictures of each box opening and had two rolls of film, each box fitting neatly inside the next, each filled individually gift wrapped with different papers that had specific meanings for us, each box filled with more papers that, when all boxes were unpacked, covered the bedroom three feet deep with paper that we tossed up in the air as we laughed and got lost in the moments (and piles of papers)... that was one of the most fun (and silly) nights I've known and it showed in the pictures...

it was a heart shaped gold locket...

the gift, I mean...

it's about wanting something (or someone) enough to believe anything is possible and there is nothing you would not do to to find and do that thing or be with that one person... it's not about a place, for a place becomes precious when someone, the right someone shares it with you... and it's not about a thing, for while I love writing and music and other things, nothing has more meaning for me than love and sharing love (which is my most profound personal wanting and the thing I would do anything for... how many songs have been written about that... doing anything for love, yeah, yeah, yeah)...

some people put all their faith in ethereal beings, in spiritual platitudes, in generic ideas... some people put their all their faith in material things, in power or control, in economic or social goals... I put all my faith in love and in the hope that sharing it, actualizing love in this physical world with another person is not only possible, but the reason for living... I believe in love, in the love in my heart and the love possible in every heart... it is more real to me than anything else there is to believe in (and more right than anything else I can imagine for me too)...

and all this rambling is my way of passing time and sharing life and love (especially when I am alone)... I could tell you of my dreams and leave all sorts of clues, but then, you will find the rest of me all by yourself if you want to enough... and that is the way it is meant to be, for each of us to follow our dreams... to do what we want to do most... even if it's just to wait or mourne or heal or be afraid... even if it's to watch TV and add a pound a month to an ever spreading wasteline... or even if it's to fly...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)