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2004-03-17 - 5:47 p.m. every day something happens most of the time, it's the same thing... so being true to this diary, repetition is the name of the game... though today brought another ridiculous meeting at work where the same tapes placed that played last month... people can be so two faced, it's pitiful... maybe it's this area or maybe most people anywhere are still in high school (or kindergarten) emotionally, but I still would like to believe humans are trustworthy, responsible, caring, and open minded... some days I feel rather foolish for wanting to believe this... most days I leave work at work... today I brought it home because it was left unresolved even though the pretense of resolution was received silent nods just so the meeting could be over... of course my noting that we did not really come to resolution was viewed as dissention... so I asked to transfer to another unit and they all asked me to reconsider (now why would they do that when they claim I am the problem?... just because the transfer would open the unit to scrutiny and the rule breaking and high school games and what really happens might be exposed)... so I tried to get some sleep... it's rare that work gets in the way of sleep and life away from work, but today it did... I finally nodded off a few hours ago and I just woke... the TV is blaring, Pearl Harbor (which is probably what woke me)and my bedroom is right off the living room, so it woke me), all the windows and blinds are open with the sun beating in, the air conditioner and fans are on, and Precious is sleeping fully clothed under a thick comforter on the couch... she usually complains that it warm in here (I suggest shorts and less sugar/caffiene to no avail)... surprised the fridge/freezer doors aren't open (her way of cooling off) and more lights are not on... I don't want to imagine what electric bills are going to be from now on... they were averaging about $80 at the other place and I had no reason to pay more than the $40 a month that was my share... I appear full of complaints today... this probably should have been a mostlydead entry, except too much of this is not distorted perspectives borne of self-pity or mostly deadness... still, I do not want to take on this much negativity or wastefulness in my daily perspectives and habits cuz that's just not me... every day something happens, something goes wrong, something is wasted, something is not safe or unpleasant... every day lies happen... every day blame happens... every day irresponsibility happens... every day negative judgment happens... and life goes on... every day I seek the beauty, the love, the kindness, the harmlessness, the best way to use resources, the most life I can find, maintain, and share... this is what I want to do and want to take home with me and remember in my dreams...
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