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2005-01-10 - 6:38 p.m. the entry before the next one not around much this week, am I?... well, I'd like to say I'm about to remedy that, but the fact is I've not got much up my sleeve this week (I'm not in love, so what do we expect, huh?... sometimes sardonic grins are the best kind... or at least better than no grin at all, aye?... aye huh huh aye... eloquent, ain't I?)... so I'll provide you now with the last entry I was writing when I was so rudely interrupted by daily life and everything else... actually, daily life was interrupted by work and therein we have the crux of the matter, or anti-matter, to be more precisely metaphorical... underlying (but not lying at all), my current profession is one I love most of the time and one I've returned to more than once in my wanderings through things to do in this world... it does not, however, satisfy all of me... my heart loves the work, which is why I return I supposed... it is the creative spirit (the song lover, the musical muses, and writer) and body (too much sitting around) and intellect that is left unsatisfied... and unfortunately, I've not found local musicians, writers, and athletes around here in recent years... there's just so little free time that searching for and finding places to go to meet potential friends who might be musical or literary or athletic... maybe it's time to start wandering again... the cost factor, unfortunately, plays a role in that decision... I don't like feeling stuck because stuck is a state of mind much more than am actual physical place... I could, given the right motivation and enough desire, pick up and move most anywhere if I really wanted to... and some times in this life I really enjoyed wandering aimlessly in search of people and/or a place to spend some time and explore a new life... I'm just not in the mood for aimless wandering at the moment... and yet, this town is losing it's magic for me... it's not the place, of course... anywhere is fun and home when you feel comfortable and fulfulled... obviously I am not fulfilled these days and laying around vegetating and getting fat (physically and mentally) is not comfortable for me... life at home: at the moment, Precious is on the phone (peak hours again... as with the $300 a month for electric, they don't seems to care as long as I'm paying the bill so she's heading toward losing that phone), the TV is on and she is in the kitchen cooking something that is on the verge of setting off the smoke alarms... and Rasputin sleeps... but home goes a lot deeper than the surface distractions, costs, inconveniences, and , and inconsiderations... it's pretty simple, really... until recently I was comfortable and happy within myself and I still am on most levels (the recent laziness and flabbiness and fat-pig feeling is not comfortable for me)... when I leave this body I am still 99% thrilled to be me... it is the surroundings that are lacking... no support or energy focused on creativity or the mental constructs I appreciate most... what does that mean?... lots of things, but maybe it makes more sense for me to say that I want people (at least one) who share my interests and tastes and ideals and perspectives and energy level (back where it belongs, not this at-the-moment-blah) and... I don't like myself when I complain (so I must not like myself a lot, huh?... a sense of humor is not always a helpful thing, ya know?... is there enough irony in complaining about a sense of humor that mocks the idea that I am complaining about complaining?)... enough for what?... yeah, whatever (I don't cop out with whatever too often, so we can anylize {or analyze, even} the crap we spew in lieu of anything meaningful another time)... in the meantime, we can look up and watch VH1's Hotties and get lost in the superficiality of our (ready for irony?) culture... I never did get to the entry in progress I mentioned earlier, huh?... well, maybe next time...
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