LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2008-12-21 - 12:24 a.m.

empathy or dreaming


ever google the word the?... it wasnt the about 13,990,000,000 results in 0.05 seconds that got me, it was the order of listings ever wonder just how the google search engine algorithmic code words?...

meanwhile, if you have not read this years almost xmas entry, well, shame on you in fact, the last ten entries were pure genius, or at least one of them was sort of amusing, and you should wet noodle yourself until you make time to read them all, yes, all seventy billion of them or at least some

meanwhile, this entry is going to highlight my emoness, so you might just puke, or skip it if you are adverse to emo you are why the world sucks, by the way

just kidding but you really ought to get in touch with your feelings that is what life is about, after all and so many never know always feeling like they are missing something well, this is for you:

i care.

since i am not sure who you are or how to reach you, i shall storm your mental gates right here in this message do i have your email?... probably... but i am haphazard about keeping in touch through email due to some ptsd and if the truth must be known, i am a friend of proximity... lazy?... maybe but i also want a simple life without burning tons of fossil fuels and having love all around me and being self-sufficient and all that too... example?... a nice girl gives me her number and i ponder why i should get close to someone who lives 45 minutes away...

stupid, maybe, but i want a neighbor like goldie hawn in butterflies are free, like right there climbing through my window and turning my life upside down with bubbly positivity and sensual energy... obviously i want to share more intimacy in this life and i am self-analyzing in this message as much to compare my proximity-ness with yours (as you are not here) as to nudge myself to do something about the growing loneliness creeping up from wherever it sleeps when i am way too busy to give it much conscious notice...

hello, how are you?... depressed in the garden of eden?... there's always the apple tree... or the red or blue pills, of course... but more seriously, what is missing?...

something is missing, so don't give me any crap about it's just a stupid mood or it's bad wiring or any such electrician (or psychological) mumbo jumbo side-stepping...

i love you... weird, maybe, but true... ever since i started reading your words i have felt like you're a sister, a daughter, a long lost family member, maybe we've got some alien genes from the same other planet... something about your words trickles into my psyche and stays there... comfortably, most of the time... like an old friend who knows way too much, but it's good... if that makes any sense to you, great...

and maybe it's just my projection, something i want - a connection with other people on a deeper level than hi, how are ya, what did you do on your summer vacation?...

family?... i wouldn't know cuz i really don't have any... i've adopted people along the way and they come back for a while, usually asking for money, but rarely does anyone stick around more than a decade (or when i say no)... being a giver is a good thing because i love the feeling of giving... but being one without much need, if any, keeps me very alone... i don't know how to be anything but self-sufficient, it's been life as i know it since my very early childhood on every level...

anyway, that's my missing piece and knowing about it keeps it from haunting me too much or getting me too down... i accept it and deal with the loneliness by writing about it and every once in a while (like once a decade, except not this decade yet) find someone willing to hold the infant inside who never knew the nuturing... and then i cry... and then i wake refreshed with hope that i may have found it, the family, the connection, the missing piece of the puzzle of a perfectly balanced me and life...

it hasn't lasted, but i keep hoping it will...

hey, did i do something like this last year (or longer ago) and you said the words gave you much to ponder?... are we laughing at my mixed up memory or at the fact that we both do this - put off the deeper pondering (or something like that?)...

do you like to play board games?... my favorite social activity these days is gathering with people and playing games... maybe it's my seventh childhood... consider yourself invited... you could come out and meet people that way...

or just call me up and talk... free therapy (cuz a friend/family/stranger all rolled into one is the best therapy really - cuz the point is just letting it all out, whatever it is, and then you know)...

i must run (i mean exercise)... the girl 40 minutes away who gave me her number actually wrote 'call me when you're going for a run' and i think that was an incentive... imagine a stranger caring like that... wow... am i just imagining it?... what were her motives, anyway?... am i over-analyzing?... asking too many questions?... so why am i still so lazy and self-undermining?...

maybe my ability to laugh at myself as easily as i do is not such a great quality after all :)

i used to get intense... motivated... angry about injustice... believing it mattered... i'd get involved and do things... i'd take life and ethics and social causes and humans much more seriously...

now i am just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round... i've accepted humans as self-destructive and way not ready to open their minds and understand what enlightenment and peaceful co-existence truly means... and i've become like them... i eat crap and too much of it... i don't exercise... i complain about this, that, and whatever... and i sit home wondering why i am not finding what i want... maybe i am not sure what i want anymore...

i used to know so clearly...

i sat in a room with a group of people the other night and talked about people and life and meaningful stuff until nearly dawn... they were all atheists or agnostics (the "freethinkers" group had a holiday party and we were the after-party deep thinkers)... and it felt good to relate to open minds... maybe that is what you are looking for, intellectual conversation... mental stimulation that only comes from a group of minds interacting... you are invited there too...

we live a blink of universal time, it seems so long from the day to day perspective, it seems so brief when we look back and around... we want meaning in what might be a meaningless existence... we want to believe in something, ourselves, someone else, the species, nature, the universe... and everything disappoints...

maybe cuz there are no sure answers...

so what's up with you, really?... just a little post xmas blues?... a disappointing almost true friend?... a feeling of inadequacy?... boredom?... longing for the mother planet?... something else entirely?...

for what it's worth, i really do care about you... i want to know... and i am willing to listen... cry if you want to...

ric
candoor is my gmail address
407-325-1482 any time (i am nocturnal)...
and if you want to try writing
PO Box 780398 Orlando, FL 32878
and i live right across from that post office in apt H202.




thats right, i live in hydrogen peroxide, now you know

and yes, most of that was originally written to a real person who inspired me to reach out all emo like that, but now it is for you if it means anything to you

it is your opportunity to share

boo :)






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
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who links here
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(PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS)
TSUNAMI INFO
fantasy sports?
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Orange Blossom Music Festival

Deland Music Festival
MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays
FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
talking dog






SAY HELLO
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and if you want to leave
take good care
hope you make a lot
of true friends out there