LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


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o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
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THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2004-05-10 - 6:47 p.m.

discovery, or one of them


I just had a glimmer, almost a shimmer... a glimmer, for those of you wondering, is a sliver of a revelation, a glint of epiphany, a moment of potentially profound thought that inspires a smile mostly because it does not require much more exploration at the moment... a shimmer, on the other hand, would have some more tentative possibilties and be scary-exciting, kind of like will the roller coaster car fly off the track this time? or like a crack in the wall between understanding everything and not (with the shimmer being the light that shines through to the not side, where we are)... anyway, what was this about anyway?...

communication...

ok, so this is what I realized... I am a wimp... that is, I am super sensitive... I am also super addictive... I mean, I have a tendency to become addicted to things (as opposed to my attractiveness being addictive, which is not what I meant)... I also have a loathing of rejection... and my self-esteem is at the lowest ebb it has ever been... and my courage as well is crapping the bottom of a barrel... and I am lazy, tired, old, unambitious, unfocused, ambivalent, apathetic, depressed, and easily distracted... and I intellectualize my way out of feeling and therein truly appreciating, or more importantly, investing myself in things more often than not... this sucks...

if I write it's not that bad thought next, then I may be doing exactly what I just wrote I do, or perhaps I am distracting myself from the actual discovery I made that titled this entry and brought me here to type when I was not intending to and have been sitting here in the big green chair for at least ninety minutes forced to listen to tapes of conversations Precious and her friends had on her weekend trip to where she used to live a few years ago that she went on this past weekend cuz she was listening to it loud in the living room and it woke me... she's got her phone plugged into my charger, the lamp on over my chair because Rasputin took my other lamp into his room cuz he doesn't have one, and she's sitting at the desktop computer listening to her tapes... that is, she was until just a moment ago when her mom called so now I am listening to her conversation with her mom... and this probably has nothing to do with whatever it was I came here to write about...

it's not that bad though...

ahem... what I realized is I am burnt out... specifically about communicating with people... even more about trusting people, counting on people, depending on people to be there, to be consistent, to care and be my friend... I may have an unrealistic definition and therein unfair expectations for the word and being I would call friend... I expect honesty, loyalty, sensitivity, and attention to detail... more than people seem to be able to or want to or care to do... I am way too sensitive for this world...

starry starry night...

the point?... I think the point is that I continuously browse diaryland just as I continuous browse through life, smiling and leaving very sincerely and hopefully meaningful little notes for people, communications intended to inspire positivity and mean something good to the person receiving the communication (and anyone else around)... and I don't check email or notes or comments or as often as I would like to not just cuz I usually do not have time (which is true) and not just cuz I have so many distractions in my space so often (like Precious now wants to tell me all about her weekend since she is hyper excited cuz she just ordered another pizza and I think she might be a bit embarrassed cuz she was skipping through her tape, maybe to censor a bit, and the line "I gave him my cherry" slipped out... of course they might have been talking about ice cream sundaes, and here I am getting distracted by fifteen year old cherries, see what I mean?), but also because I want more attention than I get, that is, I want attention all the time, I want everything to be responded to, I want someone (or do I want lots of someones cuz I am afraid of trusting any individual someone?) to hang on my every word, be totally devoted to me... ok, I'd settle for daily communications, however I am not ready to invest myself in returning the commitment...

that's a switch... all through this life it was me rushing headlong into sharings... I was always the one responding fastest and most and waiting for others to catch up... I was always the one more trusting, more giving, more open... and now I am still just as open, I think (am I fooling myself?... I don't think so... I mean, what could I possibly not be exposing in all my rambles?)... the difference is I do not let individual lines of communication develop and continue with anyone... even when someone does show interest in continuing the communication on a more intimate, personal, one-on-one basis (which is not as often as you might think), I find reasons to continue flitting around as I've been doing for a few years instead of settling into a real trust with a single individual... of course this is justified in my mind (and questioned right here and now) by voices telling me my instinct says this or that person is not the right one, not the one I want to trust to be the one to count on and depend on for everything... and then I wonder if anyone should be given such power over anyone... and then I wonder if I ever did (I think so) and if I did, why I stopped (duh, I was stripped of everything more than once, used, abused, betrayed, dismayed, and discarded to the streets, dragged through horrible tortures, left for dead, and just generally treated rather badly, but we know all that already)... but to stop permanently?...

I live to love and be loved...

still, this was and is the reason I do whatever I have to do to stay alive in this world... it would be so much easier to give up and just give up...

the pizza just arrived...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
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small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

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