this was Sunday night and yet...

so here we are at work again... typical Sunday night... the staff are taking advantage of the new weekend nurse by staying behind the nurses station all night chatting and forgetting to make rounds or even that they are on a job (based on their noise level at times) where they are supposed to be looking after sleeping kids... and again the incentive to take the offer I'll be getting tomorrow (actually, today) for a day shift position off the units is more appealing for the wrong reasons... I've been weighing the pros and cons in my mind when I was in the mood to think about it this past week...

the pros include being off the units where I do most of the work while co-workers are allowed to goof off, an office (shared, most likely), computer with internet access (though they are seriously strict about access to sites or email or messaging as it's a hospital and has privacy laws to follow), this position is as secure as any in this place, and I can be more involved and may be able to influence better management decisions therein improving the organization and the care we provide...

the cons include being off the units and away from the kids most of the time, having to follow a schedule, meet deadlines, lose autonomy, and deal with administration (in this place laden with politics, favoritism, and very insecure and some somewhat paranoid personalities, that could be a nightmare), and salary (it's a salary position, so I must look at the money part of their offer closely in order to avoid what would ultimately become a pay cut which, at my current income level, is a stupid move I doubt I would choose)... additionally, since this place is under new management as of September 1st, the potential reorganization cloud effect the position...

and a big one is that I can, if I stay in my current position, when I feel like it, write my personal babbling like this for hours on end night after night... I doubt I will have nearly the same freedom to babble in the new position, especially if, as I suspect, it's a shared office... in any case, I am not giving the decision much more thought... I believe I have decided to take it as long as the it is not a loss of income and possibly even if it is a slight loss if I factor in overtime (the plus there is I have more time for myself and can in good conscience say no to overtime because it reminds me that I took a pay cut to take the job, therein emphasizing to management that they shoot themselves in the foot when they try to cut corners with staff who are already giving them much more than they expect or ask for...

incentive shall be the buzzword for a while... they may not get it, but at least I'll be doing what I can to improve the lot for staff and patients here... after all, if management does not recognize the benefits and motivational power of incentives and fair rewards for exceeding expectations and productivity, then how can we ever expect to have staff teach the kids what management itself will not do...

meanwhile, in a much more serious and infinitely more fun part of my brain, I am going through Meg and Dia withdrawals... even here on a very distracting Sunday night at work (and I actually did some work to try to distract me and ease the withdrawals), I am hearing lines and choruses and pieces of songs flashing through my head, over and over... and I forgot to bring the CD to work so I am sitting here in musical agony wanting to sing cuz I can't listen to them at the moment and I can't very well sing at work because the girls are sleeping... hey, at least I'm not putting up a fan suite... errr, site... yet...

so appropriate for the night shift without even knowing anything more about the song (Nineteen Stars) (probably my favorite song on the CD, though musically Masterpiece and Monster and others come close... I love musicians who write with the diversity and range and Meg and the band does that really well, especially for their relatively few years of experience... I would love to write with Meg... and Dia's voice, well, as anyone who knows me knows {too well, perhaps}, I fall in love with voices and she's got me addicted at the moment)...

I'm gushing again, huh?...

yeah, so I'm a gusher... that could be a good thing depending on how you take it... and yes, you can take it any way you want to (as you wish, even) because I gush in many ways (and for the right person, I'll gush any way she wants (as she wishes, even)... everything I do, even, too... favorite love songs are coming to mind... another sure sign of the free falling I am doing emotionally (and my mind loves to go along for the ride, in case you haven't noticed)... I'll stop gushing now, at least here, by pausing to gush into rhyme (see elsewhere)...

anyway (returning to the thought about 19 Stars that was so gushingly interrupted), the chorus is haunting me not because it can be related to the struggle that staying awake all night in a quiet hallway can be, but because of the deeper theme in the song because I've been there on both sides and wish I had that sort of closeness today (though I'm not looking for anyone to save or anyone to save me... except to save each other from loneliness)... I've known darker times myself and work with people who need help coming out of depression and pain (and additions and hurting themselves and wanting to die), so I relate to the lyrics on many levels...

and hoping that it's not just my momentary infatuation (but accepting that it could be)... I feel that there is so much potential in the music in so many of their songs that I look forward to them developing as musicians and adding more power and more instruments (in some cases an orchestra) and playing (and singing) with more power and confidence and blowing audiences away...

so my two picks for new band of the year are Spill Canvas and Meg and Dia... obviously, the emotional content of lyrics still dominates my subconscious... and it's nice to feel my subconscious waking and wanting to dance again... I would need to listen to more of them to be sure, but others in lesser contention (but still worth mentioning) are 30 Seconds to Mars, Paramore, Bright Eyes, and a few others... The Academy Is..., Say Anything, Dave Melillo, Motion City Soundtrack, and a few others would have to be added if I take the recommendations of my young and impressionable roommate, but since spends most of her home time downloading music and she's hinting around for a five hundred gig hard drive and she appears unaware that her iPod ear pieces can actually come out of her ears once in a while, I do rely on her thoughts on new music...

and my wish tonight... I may be repeating myself, but that wouldn't surprise me much considering the music and lyrics are on repeat in my head...

and then it empties...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)