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2005-01-12 - 8:20 p.m. dancing naked in my mind field sometimes I think that I should carefully place my entries in time, that is, make sure there is at least one entry every single day at about the same time so you, my precious readers, can get into a habit and become addicted to coming here and reading, but then, I am not that cruel... or deceptive (or organized)... or serious, in case you haven't noticed... and sometimes I find the time (and the mood) for writing a few entries in a sitting and suddenly you are here, reading this entry and you may or may not notice that the "AND WHATDYA MISS" bit on the left side of the page has a couple or few previous entries listed that you never did get to see (not to mention the entries that, when you check back to read them again because you just could not believe your eyes the first time around, suddenly have links where there were no links before) even though you check in here at least daily, if not hourly (stalkers unite! aye), because they were uploaded just moments ago and I don't mention them or link them in my desperate attempt to be heard for every last word by every last one of you... this is one of those times... actually, I've been thinking of changing it to WHADJA... I've been almost ranting (I'm far from awake enough to rant, kind of like when I let a former roommate inspire me to assess the qualities I do not appreciate in a person some years ago... yeah, I almost ranted once before... or a few times, if you want to explore... keep in mind, before you go there, that it is part of a world of pages that live behind the disclaimers where some might find words or ideas that they label offensive even if that is a superficial label that helps them avoid the responsibility of reading for meaning or even thinking... but I digress... as I said, I've been almost ranting lately... oh, I never did get to the lately, huh?... well, I will now... ready... set...) lately... I wonder how many of you actually follow the parentheses... meanwhile, in the local spaces... Precious is cooking manicotti for the first time (she's got a recipe) while talking on my cell phone and watching TV and asking me questions about which sauce to use and why there's a stinky burning smell coming from the stove... you'd love it here... if you had ADD... ok, so I watch too much TV and maybe even too many movies (can that be?... well, maybe too many watched alone can be too many, but that's semi-debatable if we're in a debatable mood, whatever that may be) and I've seen the innocent seductive aides that work so well in the movies and on TV... and in real life too (though I might appear to get them confused sometimes)... like the kid who wants me to fall in love and does really cute things to attract Meg Ryan (for example) the ideal mate for me... but I do not have the adorable munchkin who needs me at just the right moment to demonstrate my wonderful sensitivity and nurturing skills to a prospective mate... alas, I do not have the clever little person who does just the right thing to fascilitate that magical moment of meeting that leads to love at first sight once we resolve whatever it is the little person did... sigh, no, I do not have the precious youngster (or pair of youngsters) carefully plotting to set me up with the girl of my dreams... sad, huh?... I've got the distractions though... maybe if I stopped laughing at the challenges and oddities and goofiness of my life and took something seriously I'd stop whining about what I don't have and get to getting what I want so I could truly madly deeply adore what I do have and appreciate everything else all the more along the way... naaaa, that makes too much sense... and here's a secret password or something (shhh, don't tell)... if you are not laughing, you probably take too many things way too seriously and have a mothering-complex (or is that mother-hen, gotta save somebody?... must be needed?) or have deeply seeded issues you avoid by focusing on what you perceive to be others needs (or flaws) that require your uniqueness and tender loving care (that only you can give) and as a flamboyantly famous gay person might say to you right about then, "honey, he's just not the guy for you," or maybe (oh no, not more) it's your mother who warned you about guys like me (who me?)... never grow up, never surrender (and that is a parody on a line from a movie that was a parody of other movies, in case you weren't paying attention or simply did not understand the intensive depths of the infinite nuances within the intellectual creativity of language used in the cleverly disguised babbling that appears to present an assorted meaningless discordant array of subjects and ideas in a relatively random fashion in order to do something amazing or nothing at all, depending mostly upon your point of view, but then, maybe not)... right on sista floos�... yeah, I created a new phrase for the language... I'm bad... it's all about style and grace and attitude in this world, in case you didn't know again... and again again, depending on your perspective (which is everything, so get real will ya), I've got all or none of both, errr, all three, yeah, that's it... all that too... I'm not quite bored enough to be clever just yet, or even to get a good rant on, but I am more bored than usual as the flip slips (that's when you slip flippant stuff into the babble or, from a more commercial perspective, flip a slip into an otherwise innocent picture of a beautiful girl who is using a product you want to sell, but that's not my mission in life as the boys on Madison Avenue know too well, so we'll just mosey on outta this parenthetic aside and get a little groove on, more or less)... suddenly Ellen Murth (is that how you spell her name?... doubt it... hopefully she'll call and correct me) is tweaking her intruigingly adorable features and pursing her lips to say the immortal line, huh?... welcome to my mind... to be as serious as it gets for on brief moment, one of the points that I meant to make about the entry that I called the previous entry in the previous entry (I'll stop that now before it gets confusing, or too confusing, for that matter), is that I appreciate the notes you leave and all the attention I get in other ways... and those of you who actually follow the links to peel away more of the meaning in the babbling give me hope that some of you actually get the point of all this (whatever it is)... following my mind as it wanders relatively aimlessly through an entry (and the fact that we think there's actually some cohesive meaningful worthwhile substance to the words once they've finally paused is at once exciting and amazing and very fulfilling for me) may not always be a simple process of reading and clicking and returning and reading and clicking and returning and continuing, but that is the path that leads to whatever it was I was thinking and feeling at the time I wandered through whatever it was I wandered through to create the entry... so if you do that, there's more thanks than you can carry (well, more than I can carry, at least) here for you... and when one of you actually makes an attempt to follow the paths and leave notes where it matters, goose bumps replace any words I might find to show appreciation... and the TV says, "J Lo's ass takes over the world"... what a world, huh?
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