I almost missed a wonderful email today... so much SPAM comes through the email addresses on my websites (I don't mean the DLand sites) that it's reached a point where most of the website addresses are useless... I know I must make time to fix this, to rework every webpage and remove useless addresses and insert working addresses, but time is not available for that these days... worst of all, I delete thousands of mails in bulk each week and who knows how many people sent first-contact words... words often so fragile, tentative, and hopeful as they reach through the fear of rejection we all face in initiating contacts with strangers... words that should not be ignored and would not be ignored if they reached me...

I was pressing the delete button (sometimes I just hold it down, sometimes I delete whole folders without even looking) and something caught my eyes, but I'd already clicked delete and it was gone to the delete folder... so I spend fifteen minutes searching through the deleted mail folder to find the message and sure enough, I almost missed a wonderful email... by chance, my eye caught a word that said go look again to my brain... and I got to wondering how many others were not found because I was bulk deleting or glancing away in the split second it takes to click delete...

maybe the one...

I don't fear much... that is, I don't empower fear much (I am in touch with fear in me all the time, as I am in touch with my love and happiness and sadness and many other instincts and emotions)... one fear that sometimes bites me when I least expect it (when my conscious mind looks away and my subconscious lets it) is that I may never find another soulmate... or that I may reject a soulmate without even knowing it by pressing the delete key... that small surface pain scares me for I know it's depth and there's nothing actually small about it...

this leads to a feeling of uber loneliness...

uber, something bigger and more powerful than ginourmous...

sometimes only made-up words can express it...

but through the meloncholy of possible losses, I find the glee of a new friend... and gleebers (even more exciting and useful than bejeebers) at reconnecting with old friends... yes, the email muses have been very very good to me today...

and I have to go to work...

figures...

but I go with one of the happiest smiles I've known in a long long time... and hopes of many more words and much more sharing to come...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)