LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-04-26 - 12:25 p.m.

chasing time


have you read that recent entries?... I think the narcissism and altruism (not to mention the idealistic hopelessly hopeful romantic dream and the simple individual caring for an individual fellow being) may have merged a bit, or at least crossed paths... of course this might just be my way of trying to entice you to read all my entries and tell me which are your favorites cuz I want some ego stroking or praise... or maybe I think that'll help me know you better (so many layers)...

meanwhile, life goes on...

the workmen are banging outside of my bedroom window again, so instead of getting some sleep I'm sitting here... ironically (or coincidentally), the workmen climbed the scaffolding and started finishing the unfinished wall outside my bedroom window just a day after I posted that update on the apartment rating site (I mentioned it a few entries back)... and immediately there was another post by someone who decided that, while supposedly writing an honest review of their honest experience living here, he or she decided that in opening and closing the post, trying to discredit my opinion was a way of having nothing to do with me... people are so transparent, sometimes...

I question the validity and integrity of a site that allows that... at least they sent me an email telling me that they deleted my post because I put my email address and phone number in it to prove I was real... I mean, their site motto is Apartment reviews by real people... maybe they'll respond to the email I sent thanking them for the notification and asking them about why they allow positive reviews to give building numbers (which is rather apartment management-like identification, since most tenants do not know their building number as that is only on the map we get when we first move in) their apparently biased interpretations of their rules...

ah, got to keep the customer satisfied...

and speaking of paying customers, sometimes this DLand thing is ridiculous (prepare for a gripe since I just lost some words)... I almost always remember to type my words into a notepad file and then cut and paste so any slips of the fingers or any fingers the server may give me do not effect the entry... but then I paste the words into the white box (why is it a white box, anyway?... oh wait, it's too early to digress, isn't it?) and press the button and minutes can go by... lots of minutes... it's as if the DLand server is debating about letting my words come through... what, does the server read the entire entry before accepting it?... is my meager little diary getting too big for DLand?... is someone trying to tell me I write too much?...

anyway, I can write several more paragraphs while waiting for the entry to upload (and often do), which is one reason entries are often more than they appear to be at first glance (when you return for a second or third glance)... of course if you stare, you might find the transformation happening right before your eyes... special, aye?...

oh, if there was only time...

I sometimes feel like I am racing the clock, trying to squeeze fifty hours into each twenty-four... falling behind (into the past?) and chasing time to catch up with the moment... I just want to share the moment (and everything that's lead up to it and everything that can come of it)...

and this life (and the people, meaning the human) continues to amaze me even as I become cynical and complacent in my old age... the more I interact, the more I slip into the webs and structures people weave around themselves in some quest for community or whatever, the more different I feel and the more I realize I do not fit in... how can I express it... for me, conformity is suffocating...

this entry is depressing so far... do you realize that a rut is a minor depression?... I mean, look it up, the definition should be in there somewhere... how many steps does it take to make a rut?... how many times through the same pattern, through the same habits, through the same daily routines?... and how deep does a rut have to become before it becomes something you can not longer see out of, before it actually becomes what we'd call a depression (or at least an ambivalence, an apathy, a complacency)... how long before we forget there is anything beyond the walls surrounding the repetitive life path we've carved for ourselves in our own private rut?...

I wonder...

is it comforting when we do not know it is happening?...

and is a bit of awareness some form of annoyance or agony or torture?... is awareness, just enough to know we're stagnating, but not enough to know how to change, a curse that leads to desperation, to giving up, to feeling like there's no way out?... or just one way out?...

and I look closer inside myself and find so much love... how is it possible, I wonder, how do I still have so much passion for giving and trusting and sharing when so many times humans have taken and used and abused and left me almost empty... somehow more keeps coming from somewhere... that's me on the inside...

and I wonder...

how many lives can I give before I run out?...

can you love me for a moment
and make it feel like a lifetime?
can you trust the universe
to take you where you must go?
can you take in one more breath
of hope that someone's out there?
so you will never ever feel alone
and so you can know
all you need to know

all we need is love... la la la la la... day after day (alone on a hill?) I write here, in part as a record of a life (but what worth beyond my selfish desire to feel I have shared something, when all is said and done, is all this time and energy I put here... day after day, entry after entry, how many are read)... I want to believe that a few of you actually do catch up and read every entry (and not just out of boredom) and so I do (believe) and that is a wonderful feeling...

and then I wonder...

why is it not enough...

will I ever share it all, everything... is there anybody else crazy enough to have written every day of their life so there'd be so much personal self to actually share that it might take quite nearly forever?... somewhere in my fondest dreams I see myself curled up on a pillowy couch with someone who is reading everything I've ever written while I am reading everything she has ever written... the physical touch in the moment bringing a lifetime of memories together with what dreams may come...

may you all find your way out of your ruts, even if it's just a path you take through your own minds, for the moment... just remember - if you can think it, you can do it...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
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A Diaryland Survey
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small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
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gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
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