LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


JOIN OR RE-REGISTER NOW

welcome blogmadians... and the rest of you, while still in beta, you can still join the latest greatest party on the web, blogmad!

SUPPORT BLOGMAD! BUY STUFF



o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-12-25 - 3:51 a.m.

celebration of loves


you can find a Xmas in RealTime entry if you want to know what Xmas was like in RealTime... here in babble, there's been no Xmas... not yet, at least... no entry... I did catch up to today by uploading a few more backlogged entries from the scribble files, but that's all I did as far as babbling today since getting home and writing the RealTime entry... I choose to share with you something from the scribble files that continues the theme of the last three entries (if you dare find time to start where this began then perhaps you'll know me better and maybe find a good feeling... it is a time of year for good feelings, after all...

hey look at me
even after all this time
I am still dreaming
and still coming to rhyme
believing in the love
I felt when you were mine
and that keeps love alive
and keeps me in touch with the divine

I've watched many others giving up
crumbling under years of loneliness
forgetting how good it felt to love
focused on how bad it feels to be so lonely
why choose that way
when you can choose to remember love?

I've watched many others giving in
to escapes to the surface emptiness
forgetting the hunger they bury deep inside
as if it goes away just because we hide
it so well, hey
what do you think happens to the love?

love is energy that matters
and matter can not be destroy
just open any science textbook
or the holy book of your choice

you'll find they both have the same answers
it is elementary school knowledge
and it's ironic how we learn to forget
the basics by the time we get through college

is it so painful to keep a heart open
what's the worst that can happen
the trust does not work out?

well for me it's worse to lose the ability
to love and trust I won't let that happen
cuz that is what this life is all about

so look at me
even after all this time
I am still dreaming
and still coming to rhyme
believing in the love
I felt when you were mine
and that keeps love alive
and keeps me in touch with the divine

and I can still fall in love at first sight
and I can still feel...
oh I can still feel...
and love can still be as real
as it was the very first time

love is energy eternal
the touch of the cosmic wind
the holiest of the holies
where every god story begins

and no matter how well you deny it
it is all around us now
and you can still be part of it
if you just let yourself feel...
you'll remember how

hey look at you
even after all this time
you are still dreaming
and still coming to rhyme
believing in the love
you felt when you were mine
and that keeps love alive
and keeps you in touch with the divine
keep love alive
and life will always be divine



it's just the kind of fool I am...

there in RealTime I am a fool to turn to the obscurity and elusiveness I play in the babbling brook that is behind the candoor... there I am trusting the muses and leaving myself open to every vulnerability, to any insecurity, to every possibility... there I leave any real power at the door and submit to the winds of chance, to the will of the free associative instincts and influences that I do not claim as my own, but express in words as well as I am able... but for the last bit of babble on this Xmas day of 2006, I give you a few moments (actually, a couple of days) when I dared to express just the kind of fool I am, in RealTime (including, as a second encore, Xmas in RealTime)...


but here in RealTime I am not supposed to play... here in RealTime I am supposed to stop and focus on the real and decide what is true and share the facts of life as I know it, as I live it in the flesh and blood world of real time... and so why should I feel any fear or trepidation in sharing what I do, I mean... what if I experiment or explore some ideas or if I spend my time doing something that is different enough to be suspect or laughed at by the norms of this culture?...

what if I think or do something that might be a waste of time in your mind, or worse, what if I think or do something that you might consider wrong...

and I come to the real...

I write here to share myself with you, not to please you, not to cater to you, not to win you over or earn your respect or seek your judgment...

your opinion does matter to me and I feel powerfully good when I read support or praise or positive words about what I write... that you might accept me as real and worthy of your respect and admiration, that you might believe in me helps me keep hope alive that my dreams really could come true, that there are real people in this world who respect honesty and who believe in sharing as I do...

but if I never read or hear another word, if I never see another sign of feedback, that would not change me...

so why be the fool who hides?... why be the fool who pretends not to feel when feeling is what life is about?... why be the fool who accepts the slow dying that comes from turning off senses and ignoring sensations and repressing emotions and looking past the precious inspirations that are all around us every moment...

and inside...

when I am alone, yes, I dream... I fantasize... I feel my dreams just as if it was the first time I am dreaming them... I do not turn away because time feels so long it becomes a burden... I do not empower time as a burden and fill it with fear and doubt and despair over the perception of failure just because my dream of sharing and loving is not happening in every way it could...

I remember that my dream of sharing and loving is coming true in many ways every moment of every day... in my work, sharing and loving is very real and intensely emotional... and in my aloneness I keep it just as real even if no one shares the intimacy such realness can become...

loneliness?... yes it is real... and yes, I empower it sometimes... but only when I want to use it to create some rhyme, some song expressing an emotion we might share... or when I am a fool and forget I do not have to empower it to despair...

I should remember, keeping it real, that I do not have to do that...

so in this year of 2006 as it approaches 2007 I am alone in the most important moments of life when the intimacy of true love rushes through me and the potential of falling in love becomes real... and as I have done in previous years, I choose to remember times when such love was real and I let the memories inspire the feelings and let the feelings come out in words and if that is odd or laughable or a waste of time for anyone, oh well, change the channel... it is the best I can do in the moment...

so in this moment in RealTime I am paying tribute to the memories and reliving the emotions and most of all, experiencing the realness of feeling it all again... and that's the best I can do until someone comes along to share RealTime again...

and so because the kind of fool I am is the kind who resists hiding because hiding leads to pretense and the unreal and the kind of fool I am is the kind who wants to keep it real all the time at least somewhere in the moments that become this life... if you have the time and really want to know, for the past 24 hours or so, the realest RealTime I can feel has been here...

yay for the fearless exposure of everything inside of me because that is as real as I can be...

and whatever you decide to do, if you make it real too, yay for you J



and so it is Xmas

and this is what I've done in RealTime... concluding a wondrous day before and Xmas eve out at Disney (a wondrous experience in spite of the reality of rain and the insult and greed of $7 ponchos made of maybe six cents worth of plastic) with a magnificent dinner at a fine music-filled Italian restaurant, I settled into a bit of babbling and singing to myself time until slipping out of the house and sneaking many many presents under the six Xmas trees on the six units of the hospital I call home when I doing what I do to earn money... as they say (and maybe never more accurately), its a living...

and once the stockings were hung from the day room handrails with care and the presents all neatly stacked under the trees with special attention to size, shape, and color in order to create the best visual presentation, and with the children all still safely tucked in their beds and the staff prepared for the onslaught of the energy of Xmas morning, I slipped out of the picture to let the Xmas morning wake up happen... that is respect for the staff who worked the night that I offer by slipping out before the kids wake for it would not be fair to those who sit and watch over the kids all night for a faux-Santa to appear and receive all the precious attention and excitement the kids will have at wake up...

I did sneak a peek though, incognito as the everyday clinician I am... the air was buzzing and the eyes were beaming and the hearts were thumping and the rooms were teaming with excited kids ripping and tearing and squealing and comparing and sharing one of the few times of their lives they might forget they have a medical label and have been through very rough times...

and the mystery and magic of Santa remained well preserved in what was left behind, dozens of presents for each of the 85 kids, gifts donated by corporations as big as the Atlanta Braves and as small as the mom and pop convenience store on the corner... and as usual, partly to see how much was given freely by so many with only a brief thank you in return (not even a tax write off as we are a for-profit hospital), and mostly to see the pure amazement and joy in the eyes and giggles of the kids, even the Grinchiest of staff experienced their heart growing three sizes this morning...

a few of the younger kids, away most of the night and trying their best to be good, left Santa a stuffed animal and cookies and other little trinkets and when you consider these kids have little or nothing to their name and no power at all to get anything except what is given to them, these little gifts have as great a value as any gift I ever received... excuse me whilst I kvell... or qvell, even... talk amongst yourselves...

sigh...

it may be egocentric or arrogant of me, but in my innocent excitement I drove off into the early morning imagining that I was feeling just the tiniest bit of the feeling that a real Santa might feel after making his rounds and it was not all bliss and wonder, it was very hard work on my hands and knees setting up boxes and packages just right after sorting through so many hundreds... and after not sleeping for so long, my arms and legs and back are blissfully sore and my head is spinning with whatever sugarplums or fairies might actually look like... it is a sense of accomplishment, to know I have touched so many packages that are right now touching so many hearts...

the chills and euphoria of the feeling of giving unconditional love in actual physical effort is far overshadowing any lonely or achy feeling right now... and I'll just let it stay just like this for as long as it lasts...

and then it was home again to continue enjoying the excitement of the giving and the energy of the love that is rarely more alive in this world than at this time of year (and perhaps, sometime later, a bit of sleep) in the way I know best when I am alone (and the world around me is asleep), babble on...

Merry Happy... Everyone J







. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
RSS?



who links here
blogwise
Blogarama
Globe of Blogs
blogthings

~ BLOGLINKERS ~




~ BLOGROLLING ~
(Blogroll RSS)


Blogroll Me!

published
blogadvance
blogazoo
blogexplosion
blogmad?
bloglines



(PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS)
TSUNAMI INFO
fantasy sports?
BLOGGIES?
sorry everybody
Orange Blossom Music Festival

Deland Music Festival
MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays
FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
talking dog






SAY HELLO
407-325-1482





and if you want to leave
take good care
hope you make a lot
of true friends out there